Nombliz
by Nomble
Summary: A story based in the half-life world. Creatures and other fight side by side.
1. Part 1

NOMBLIZ 

Part 1.

It was a bright, nice day in the World of Chubby the Chubtoad. Today, he had a nice..junebug omelette for breakfast. It tasted delicious. However, all was not well in the World of Chubby the Chumtoad. You see, the... water in Chubby's drinking glass was suddenly disturbed. Ripples appeared in the surface in a rythmic sequence, growing more noticable each time. The answer hit Chubby like a ton of guafflestops. The piece of horgebark on which Chubby's omlette had been positioned minutes earlier fell to the ground and began a wobbling rotation like that of a dropped coin, and by the time it had settled, Chubby was gone. 

Racing towards the Green Tower, Chubby... ...pulled out a big yellow Chubtoad alarm (which is really a bannana) to warn his Chubtoad friends. Sven chumtoad, Deathbog chumtoad, and Mad Jonesy chumtoad came racing to him. Arbron chumtoad up in the tower saw a large thing coming at him. It was... Tor, who said.. "TOR eat now" he was hungry and for some odd reason wanted a chubby burger.. "and" ...ran for the Chubby Bullons (spell wrong for a reason). Just then Metro chumtoad came out and was steambroiled by Tor. With Mug as the piolet they flew off away from Tor. What they didn't know is that a even greater danger loomed in the horizen. Sharp-beaked Knurlbs! "Quick!" yelled Jonesy Chumtoad to Sven Chumtoad, "Pass me my... marijuana! They smoked a joint and got really high! They felt really good and floated back to the local strip club. They noticed they ran out of drugs. That was when... The roof of the strip club was torn off. They saw, looking down at them through the gaping hole... Tor! And he was really mad. In one hand he had a RPG and in the other a huge grill. You could still see the blood of MeTrO around his mouth. He... was distacted by the naked girls so the chummies got away. They met Slippery chumtoad who said there was a portal ahead, they all followed him into the portal and they ended up in.... a huge pile of JELLO! they then noticed 3 jellyousaurs which is an evolved form of an itchy...the chums tryed to run but the sickning goo was sucking them down they screamed........ " Oh no, arbron is ging to fall right on that very sharp pointy rock. oh well" lo and the odds of arbron hitting the rock were 3:5 and the chumtoads did place their bet and lo arbron did hit the rock and there was much rejoicing. so anyway the chumtoads minus arbron (who was still going downwards but not as fast because despite the rock being almost as thin as a needle the friction caused him to slow down and catch on fire) contiuned to fall. They all laughed and rejoiced areound the flames, cooking fresh headcrab meat and having a jolly good time when they heard tress cracking in the distance ... then a a message appeared "T-13 joined the game" he spawnwed at the bottom of the pit and useing his robo jetpack saved all the chubbys from a fate worst then death and saftely returned all the chubbys to the bottom the pit then got disconeted and try madley to rejoin meanwhile... ..one of the chubbys walked backwards into a level transition.. And due to sloppy placement of entities found himself spawned outside of the level and falling.....But he had a plan.. He changed sv_gravity to 0 and started floating up, and soon enough he was at the top of the map, where he saw his chumtoad friends were in trouble they were stuck to the ceiling and squeeking furiously.. thinking quick.. he changed the gravity to 10 but accidently.. Changed it to 100000000000000!! Through the blurry eather he dropped faster a labour pledge, and by the time he fumbled the console back open he was in a mirror of the level where the floors were not solid and entities ceased to exist!   
Yet he knew if he... clicked the heels of his Red Ruby shoes 3 times he would.. make Tor appear, who would... Talk about his lovelife and then... Ignite the spawn trigger_hurt entities, Annihilating all the chumtoads until all were at -40 points. Before long, the chumtoads reached -50 points, which was the number that caused the new vote-kick system to be enabled. Soon, all were booted; the server seemed to be full of team-killers, but it was soon emptied. An integer error resulted, crashing the server and... Got shot out of the CD drive. They noticed a loser having cyber sex with "sexy mama" not knowing that that was his moms screen name! That was when... ...sexy_mama and a_loser joined the same svencoop server and delighted in a frenzied crowbar orgy. Their crowbar replacements were less than appropriate, and... they spent a good few hours beating each other with the crowbar replacement models. Much to the amusement of the other players.. 

"llama's" commented.. "What does this big red button that says not to push do." They pushed it and the server automaicly made them rejoin the same level from the begining (and nobody was dead)... the chumtoads then proceded to eat a sexy_moma and a_loser while T-13 had given up his atepmet to rejoin the server.. ...when suddenly a rift in the time space continum appeared sucking the whole bunch into...Quake2!! then someone named Sankis joined the quake 2 game and started lobbing rockets at them but what they didn't know was that... Sankis was dyslexic and the rockets flew aimlessly into walls... Then one of the chubbys found...A BFG...He went on a rampage through the level attemping to obtain the quad-damage to show of his Skilz, but first he had to contend with.. Evil Barney, who was camping by a small lava pit above which he was roasting dead newbies, all mysteriously called Player or (n)Player.   
His tent was right by the railgun ammo, super armor and beer powerups.   
Evil Barney was an LPB and for good measure had an aimbot. He chuckled evilly as he saw a poor lost Chubby come around the corner armed only with a small apple corer.. then evil barneys windows 2000 crashed and sent him into a space time thingy the chubby got the rail gun and started after all the other chubbys... blasting all off the little buggers black to stone age! Little did he know that a rail gun is a sniper rifle which you had to bolt in the ground to avoid recoil so when the recoil kicked in (about 0.0001 seconds later) he flew a very long distance and finished with a STAR FINISH (flew off into the sky and dissapered with a little star flash in the distance)... ...when suddenly the chubby found himself trapped in a rift of the time space continum, he found himself in a large room with a big alien grunt and several different players staring at him from a doorway(svencoop)... being scared he ran into the teleporter that was near by then going thourgh a werid acid like trip he proceded to run to this black wall.... where the roof collapsed on top of him!! ...and the adventures of chubby came to an unexpected close in the halls of the monstrous black mesa facility, however just as chubby was ended a new adventure appeared on the horizon... A Sven Co-op player, bleary-eyed and with monitor tan, decided to go out into the real world(to purchase the latest PC Zone with Sven Co-op featured, natch )..when he was on the sidewalk he saw a jeep coming up and he thouhgt he could jump on just like the game. in the hospitail.... he saw a medkit lying on the side, he walked over it a few times, nothing happened.. eventually, he got sick of walking over it and threw it out the window. 

He then sat waiting for it to respawn.. then a doctor in a white labcoat with glasses and a bald spot on the top of his head walked in, he started to... ...rape... a black and white.. ...box... the sven coop player thought this was extemely werid and exited his room he went down into the basment and found a crowbar! and procedeed to gib everyone in sight!   
(the radtion from the comp made him super-strong).... ...until the police was called and a police force surrounded the base, soon the player spotted a vehicle that had rainbow six painted on the side... ...to run in and bunny hop firing m60's all over the place... But unfortunatly the hospital was in england and the whole of team two was arrested by the pigs for possesion of illegal explosives and for bunny-hopping wrong, and given 20 years.   
Seeing that that england's friendly democracy enforcers were closing in faster than the time it takes Bush to fuck up, the player pulled out his purple.... ...banana, he then threw this banana and it multiplied until there were 50 bananas, then they all exploded and gibs were everywhere, rainbow six was gone but player managed to escape in... a car that was near him, for some odd reason it only followed a certain track, when he noticed this he... was actually a woman. with a mustache! "Oh my god! I'm Greek!!!!!!" he screamed. this was too much and his internal hard drive crashed and he slumped forward, his foot slamming down hard on the accelerator. He (or at least his soulless corpse) raced off into a... time warp.. He came suddenly back to life to find himself watching a chubtoad eat a junebug omlette for some strange reason.. ...and then he switched on his computer again and went to the svencoop messageboards and... ....started posting links to pornographic material and got banned, so...... ... played some everquest! But then about 30 minutes into the game, he accidently hit someone elses monster and a GM immediatly banned him while people all over the game were swearing and such but they decided to bother him so he.. quickly committed suicide. How would he live without Everquest? Meanwhile, in another part of the Universe.. Billy the antiproton was.. ...trying to find his protonic mate in the void that is the time-space continuim... so he sat down.... .. and exploded. 

Then he was revived on this planet AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 for 12 years. Then not-so-suddenly.. ...he saw a thing that was.... ...giving chummy the gay sailing toad a smack in the balls..... he snapped the things neck and saved chubby and began their travel to... ...chumtoad land where this story started. Unfortunately, the land of the chubbies was under attack by a horde of Bog creatures. "Not again, DeathBog" said mad jonesy chubby as the chubbies readied for battle. the chubbies ran at the monster with their sharp spears and cannonballs a blazin' needless to say deathbog was slaughtered. one chubby quoted "my granny can scrap better then that" 

this is kelli rumers reporting for cnn news. now back to u charlie "Ahem, excuse me Charlie, what are you doing with that...." ...vat of anti hydrogen shoved up your... drainpipe? 

Chubby sat on top of the hydrogen canister, as charlie turned on the gas and lit the cannister, which propelled Chubby through the drainpipe and up into.. ...the attic of Sven house in the real world. It was filled with... Old playboys and pr0n movies, with a long object that appeared to be a... ...cattle prod... ...which chubby used to shove up... ..his long slender... cattle-prod holster. "Hmm" thought Chubby, "guess it wasn't such a stupid souvenir to bring back, after all". 

Chubby... suddenly realized the attic filled with female assassins! (taking this from all maps with f-assassins) chubby took the cattle prod and... ...shoved it into a light socket creating a huge... ...electric strom thingy gibbing all of the f assians but then some alein conrtollers appaerd... ...and showered chubby in blazing yellow light that made him... ...happy... ...To have jumped to somewhere else, as the controllers made a whoping great hole in the floor.   
"fCuk this" thought chubby and he pulled out his trusty sink plunger and ....... ..plunged the sink.. ...into a bowl of queso dip. ...and then in the cheese was 10 hand grenades that he... ...morphed into a bannana enema which he use to shove up his friend steve's... ...car horn... and then all of a sudden ....... ...a bolt of lightninng came down and struck sakanis in the arm for a bad story, meanwhile... ...Bob the ripper was... ...playing cs until he was ungloriusly kicked for his lag. He then cursed his 100 baud modem and then... ...found a long slender cattle prod that he didn't know he had and... Shoved it in his eye socket which caused a... big floating error message to appear in the now infinate blackness he was in, it said:   
"Module cattle prod has performed a legal execution in device: your head.dll"   
(Dynamic Life Library) 

Then after a while another message materialised: 

"MSLIFE 2000 is a trademark of the microsoft coporation"   
"This program is licenced to God LifeEnterprises, (Now a devision of microsoft PLC)" 

Before he could ponder on the afterlife it crashed with the message "Abort,Reincarnation,hell ?" 

Meanwhile..... ...with the big loader that could... peel elephants and flash-fry whole sheep.. "YUM!" said everyone the tailor the milkman and tranvistite said too "we love fryed sheep!" said the butcher the comic book guy and then some. meanwhile.... ...back at chumland... ...the majestic cow, while shaving his ass came across a pack of snipers. He wondered what to do... ..should he   
a)kill himself and save them the trouble or   
b).... ...set his shaver to overload, walk up to them, give it to them, run away and watch the fireworks... which were military fireworks the sort you get in a big box with 'astrolite' written on it. everything within four city blocks was blown to little iddy biddy pieces.   
the chumtoad heard the noise from wherever he was and decided to get medieval so he taped a chainsaw to his arm and fired that puppy up and went looking for some company. and then.... .. Gordon Freeman came along and squished him... Then all of a sudden... A urinal with wings flew out of the ground screaming... Quit Pissing on Me! AHHH!   
Quite odd...then.. ...a large... lower-back pain... ...came crashing... down his spinal column, litteraly ripping Gordon in half. Ow, not again *sigh*.......then his head exploded and he died... ...er.... Gordon dead? well then, game over for u guys... Let's just respawn Gordon... Gordon respawned... he was happy with his new body... But there was somthing wrong.. "How did I get into this story?!", thought Gordon. "Last I can remember, I was... playing Sven Coop RPG2 Beta with Sven Viking, LiquidSnake, Mad Jonesy, Another1, DeathBog at a 24hr Lan Party?" 

Ah! i'm teleporting into the world of SvenCoopRPG2!!! HEELP!!!.... ...He suddenly appered in a lair of the big monster guy... ...named george bush, he knew he had to stop him from destroying the world with... his giant texas... ...boots of DOOM!... They squashed everyone and George Bush became emperor of the world! ...just then he awoke from his great nightmare and... Found he had been elected as the new Pope! He ordered everybody at the church to kill verybody else and then themselves... to become sheeps in deathbogs upcoming map. The people became bored of eating grass(?) so they made an anti-deathbog group which had no.... ...Bobs(?)...but they did have whaling harpoons - a fight enshued: Its deathbog, hes got the BOG hold on, NOBODY can get out of that!   
Whats this? A anti-deathbog has a whaling harpoon, OMG! deathbog just got hit with a whaling harppon to the gut - thats gonna hurt for a day or two!   
Oh no now they have deathbog in the meat grinder! Hes gonna need stiches for that!   
*Music blares* Its the LAW ENFORCER and hes got a tripple bladed chainsaw   
and on and on..... said who the hell am I and this isn't too funny at the moment.. 

All of a sudden, chubby re-appeared and squeeked.. ...SQUIDS HAVE HEMOCYENE INSTEAD OF HEMOGLOBIN... Yes, it was true, Chubby's Squid fetish, once hidden by a cocktail of drugs and psychiatric sessions, had re-emerged.. 

Ya' Know, said chubby.. Squids.. ..are special people just like you   
and with that F Adm Patku delivered his speach:   
Once again i do not doubt the power of these fantastic collections of alien grunts, but my point of cost versus benefits still stands. Are you aware of the number of chumtoads one can build for the cost of a single Alien grunt? Now granted, each one packs only a tiny amount of the grunt's firepower and certainly cannot survive more than one hit from a heavy gun but I ask you: Exactly how much damage can 75 chumtoads do in the time it takes to kill just one of them? With that, chubby screeched.. FAH! My deployment plans are idealistic? You would need the multi-tasking skills of a wip-crawler to orchestrate that battle. Your chumtoads would be cut to pieces while you were still directing in more attackers. It is unworkable! My deployment system depends more on local commanders to make the correct targeting decisions without constant choreography from NINILITH. "Did you just hear that, Charlie. The NINILITH knows choreography!" "You mean he knows how to dance?" "I'm afraid so, Charlie" "Oh... my... god...." Just then, the whalers sited a dancing Nihilanth on the horizon... They quickly turned there boat around and... ...Invited nilinith to a party, with all of those mind powers he makes a great mate at partys. They also made a sign that said no gordon freeman party poopers aloud. Just then... Just then a loud gordon gorden freeman party popper came along, and as it was banned they tortured it mightily then they... Fifteen people called (n)Player all wearing the Gordon skin appeared in the same spot in a flood of gibs, eventually a couple of them managed to get away from the gibtastic spawnathon and ran straight for Chubby!   
One dropped behind a few paces and aimed an RPG at the back of his compatriot's head and blew him away, then claymored all the doors on the entire party level and quit.   
Someone shouted "Dont kill teh barnieys!!!".   
"Oh hell" said chubby. We are stuck, and we are out of munchies..   
So they killed and ate the newbies, with salsa dip. And there was much rejoicing. Then later after the weed had run out, Nililanth made a portal appear and said "well dudes, good party, im gonna crash now i have work in the morning and i gotta commute to Xen and all, so see y'all later!" and shoved the Chubster and alien pals out through the portal.   
Where.... they landed in the land of where Oral Sex is not considered cheating on your wife and then.. ...died... ...and the gman, realizing there was no other option, destroyed texas in a blazing ball of fire which killed all the bushes and even jeff bush who was hit by a piece of shrapnel while he was wacking off in the shower. YAY! and there was much rejoiceing.... Then a bunch of French shcmucks with accordians startign torturing Chubby with their horrible music... ...and Chubby pulled out his Chubby Gun and shot them... he threw the gun away. as he wondered off to the science lab he found a foxy chumtoad in a white coat. he licked his chomps and... Invited her to a candle-lit supper, however she spurned his advances and ripped of her mask to reveal he was a g-man planted female assasin and she ripped of his ...... ...face. wich is usally fatal but somehow... he survived it and got eroused by the female assassin. So anywho, since that was all cleared up... ...but she was a large mass of Chu-Chu's glued together with superglue... as chubby got close he began to stick. he was stuck to the glue. he tried not to panic and... ...die... ...but then, to his amazement, he respawns in... ...Mad Jonesy's colon which was filled with creamy... ...whipped cream. When suddenly Adrian Shepard repelled into the room and... with his sweet heart Senior drill instructor Y.T Barnes sitting in his lap... chubby became scared so he called his friend mini garg which made the drill instructor scream like a baby and he ran off. But Adrian stayed to fight the mini garg but died. Chubby said thanks to his friend, mini garg and went on a journey to..... ...K-Mart... ...where he bought some... ...yummy deer hunter! ...and became happy and gay trying to rub the virtual horns together while adrian respawned by the checkout line and held 5 obease women hostage. Chubby then... ...drank bleach... and turned white. this ghostly figured costs female hormones to stimulate and... explode.. adrian was then hurtled out to the parking lot and chubby ran after him but.... ...mines were hidden under the lino floor... ...but they don't work anymore because they were used during World War I... so chubby ran as fast as he can to catch up to adrian. Just then, adrian turned into a bigger version of adrian which killed everyone in that 10 mile radius. Chubby was now dead... and the story was just about to come to and end but then..... a new day started! In a alternate reality, Chubtor the ChubFrog was hopping along.. when a plane landed on him... ...and ended the new story before it had begun but.... ...then in another reality... Frubby the Frubtoad.. who lived in.. France! ..."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" all the people that say the story yelled. They got their RPGs and shot Frubby. Frubbys gibs then scattered througout the universe and became the new... range of products in a supermarket chain.. 

The supermarket chain was called.. AHEM...then suddenly the evil sourcer field medic cast all of the gamers into svencoop1, however the bug with tor not moving was in effect... ...but then it was so they waited for 2 hours for the map to change to... Crisis2.. in which all the lamers.. ..fell over dead and blocked all the doorways until they got bored and went into the slime, the got bored and broke the train, then... Sven Viking typed in a console command to electrocute them via their mice. "Argh!", yelled... ...the lamers. They then... ...dressed in womens clothing and drank tea while watching monty python movies after which the... ..lamers screwed each other in the ass to prove how 1337 they were! 

After that.. they all played petanque with their electrocuted mice ...then the map changed to dogs2 with the long ventilation shafts and pointless rooms and garg killing everyone as they spawn, people used the speed cheat to.. ...die... ...alot... ...and... expand on what they were previously doing by screaming "over 200words" at the top of their voices.. this led to.. ...them going into the bathroom and... ordering a delicious sausage and cheese pizza. 

To kill time while waiting for their tasty dinner, they... took a dump and experimented with the poo. which caused a allergic reaction which in turn... Caused the toilets to..... .....sing showtunes from "West Side Story!" While they were in the middle of a rousing chorus of "I Feel Pretty"..............when the toilets exploded... chubby then proceded to smack anthoer1 with a frying pan so the story could procede..... ..And suddenly, without warning, there was a knock on the bathroom door. And who stepped in but Nick Nolte and Erykah Badu!!! They brought an important message.... it read "WHO THE HELL ARE WE?!" ...then some newbies shot the nuke and everybody died... ...except for Nick Nolte, who was saved when Shaq swooped in and rescued him. 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch... ...some cows were... Listening to hip hop, retro, tree huggin, beer sippin, techno, sky scrapin, poo shootin, long jumpin, high trippin..... blades of grass... and then the sheep from svencoopRPG2 join them! but then the party stoped when everyone got that mad cow epidemic causing .... ...a resonance cascade... ...which killed all of the cows... ....Everything was about to go down the drain, but the BlockerZ clan was blocking it... they, especialy Road_block, then started to debate how long they could block for at a time with out food or water, down to the second... ...Law Enforcer (the host) guesed right with .0234 seconds, then shot them... ....then ShiverMeTimbers swung from the balcony with a sword clenched in his teeth and... ...when suddenly everyone went to play tribes2 however the servers were too jammed so they... ...all went to play the new mod Boxwars where everybody is a box... Then they realized that the only true blue blocking mod was SvenCoop, which caused them all to join the [BlockerZ] clan, causing them to verbally attack... ...RoAd_BlOcK, then they went over to his house and got Bob the Ripper to rape him, then they killed him slowly and painfully... decided that [BlockerZ] clan is the path of light, causing them to join the [BlockerZ] clan and become powerful special interest lobbyists in Washington, effectively blocking... ...my colon... causing him to say "I beg for mercy! You were right about blocking the entire time! Oh God, LET ME JOIN [BlockerZ] and let's get those !@#$%^&* WONbanners and smash 2.0 to pieces!" This causes George W. Bush to issue a presidential pardon to the [BlockerZ] clan, effectively establishing them as a sven power. As it turns out, what was in the colon was... The BlockerZ clan's entire argument! Since he wanted this most "repugnant" obstruction OUT, he arranged for a surgeon to come and take it out, but THE SURGEON IS BEING OBSTRUCTED FROM THE ABDOMINAL CAVITY BY...GUESS WHO? [BlockerZ]!! He lies bleeding ont he table, oblivious to the events unfolding around him, it turns out that there is a Junior Mint in the abdominal cavity (not in an organ, IN the cavity NEXT to the organs [see Seinfeld episode]) causing Texas to explode and Bob Dole to... ...take regin as the world dictator ! ...and kill all of the stupid blockz clan members, so they can never block again... The world rejoiced, and Bob Dole was showered in gold and jewels. Unfortunately for him... ...his Viagra gave out and his jewels fell off! ... at which point, they were sold on eBay. The sad note is that the auction never broke its 50 cent limit, as the only person that bid on it was road block. 

They did, however, put them to good use in a tasty lemonzest concoction! "NOOOOOO" He yells, he runs back into and gets more Viagra so he can... ...shove his... fingy wotdgit...into a long slender... ...bitch. He then said this story made no sense so he went to a paralel unizerse where everybody... ...had a large... ...order of chumtoad fries topped with... bloody vengence! Fearing the Chubtoad fries topped with vengeance, He went to jailbreak. He then noticed a random event he had never seen before... that was [BUD]Macros running down the hallway with an AKMS 5.45mm assault rifle shooting at marauding SOG members (if you want the full story ask me and ill send it to you. Keep in mind it isnt censored)... A guy named Sushi came and wacked [BUD]Macros with his crowbar and ran to osprey so he can... get himself killed. mean whale.... ARGGHH ITS A DOLPIHN GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF ! (dohplin sounds and flesh ripping) OH YEAH YOU LIKE MY FLESH HUH? (dolphin nods ) WELL TASTE MY CHAINSAW SUCKA ! (chainsaw sounds and doplhin screaming in pain ) AWWW YOU LIKE THAT DONT YO.... (giant foot smashs this whole skit) At which I sell the dolphin flesh on the black StarKist market...allowing us ([BlockerZ]) to buy a leftover nuke for the price of a second hand BMW, arming and lauching system, plus a delivery system from the Cold War era, threatening the VSSE clan's server network...causing Texas to explode... and LightBringer to go berserk again.... ...make texas leave the union which... made it a REAL one star state..... Which affected the overtly patriotic overtones of the BG&RBR theme song...causing the Legion Ex Machina to build... a 21:1 scale version of James' ANUS!!... which immediately exploded into a million small oddly shaped... fingy wotdgit. ...then suddenly field medic came back to the forums, however the real story is walther(the scientist) accidently triggered a device that warped everthing back 180 years. To the stone AGE! "damn, not again"...Sushi then whacks a caveman with a club and eats a big, long , slender... ...dick... But then he noticed it was a Dirk NOT a Dick so he hopelessly lacerated his digestive tract and died, meanwhile........ On plant (not a typo error) somewhere in space.... ...he saw a copy of Black & White floating around for no apparent reason... ...so he grabed it and booted it up on his nifty litte laptop. ... and pondered why his cow was obsessed with eating people and the poop piles they leave at the worship site. 

All was... (as much as can be considered) well, until the peace was shattered. THEY HAD COME TO DESTROY THE EARTH. Well, it WAS in the way of the freeway they were building, so its all good... then fargo came along.... ...and through chummy into a woodchipper which caused him to be shreaded into millions of other tiny baby chummtoads which then spilt in two and in turn there off spring did the same. The cycle repeated itself over and over until the entire universe was completly filled with chumtoads but then ... tor starting eating them! However, what Tor didn't know was that the chumtoad meat was NOT approved by the FDA and wasn't registered with the Pennsylvania Department of Agricuture, for it was, in fact, made in a poorly run back alley British butcher shop! The reason he saw the illusion of chumtoads being tossed in a chipper and multiplying like rabbits was because he was a bit woozy from the Masturbate-A-Thon that he was holding in a corner, so he couldn't release all the players were trying to get out of the svencoop1 respawn, even the [BlockerZ] were trying to get out, whch means the conditions must have been pretty damn bad for them to want that. This caused Big Guy to throw a B.G.Y. Remote Trigger Device into Tor's mouth, causing him to explode into millions of delicious, home-cooked turkey meat, doing something to Texas, which was... ...under fire for leaving the union which caused president bush to... Make cap guns and firearms legal for children to hold and they go on a riot until chubby comes and kill them causing bush to again........ ...stick his head up his... garantua's hands and let it burn his head , and shouting in the mist of the barbecue - "ALL YOUR FIREARMS ARE BELONG TO USA!!!" The gargs arms got tired after a while so he decided to stop with the flamey arms thingy and head over to... cheers where everyone knew there names..... ...however bush hadn't counted on the arrival of several radical green party members to suddenly arrive, when they all walked in, every kind of hippie imaginable then... starting hugging potted plants and puffin' the magic dragon...untill.. The magic dragon got bored and decided to eat the hippes... ..the dragon ate the hippies and its owner smacked it around bigtime, before leashing it to a.. *BTW* Puffing the Magic Dragon is smokin' marijuana ...however all of the stuff the hippies consumed and smoked effected the dragon's mind and the dragon suddenly ate bush and most of the political part leaving the other hippies to rule the government... Which doomed the world... but they all smoked a lot of pot and got really high so that they did notice the large comet that was filled with creamy... HEART ATTACKS!!!!.... ...that used to be up Nixon's... ...dog's... HEART ATTACKS!!!... ...but it turns out in the half life continuum, heart attacks are a form of cheese dorito... which, unfortunately, has the same kinda substandard corn that was found in those poisonous taco bell taco shells... ...so everybody that went within 20 miles of a Taco Bell in the last 1,000,000 years died... and even more died when the Vogons decided to destroy the earth... which caused Zaphod Beeblebrox to issue a proclamation that Thursdays are abolished because Arthur Dent hates Thursdays...which caused reproductive organs everywhere to... swell, meanwhile, Sven was.. currently a tourist in Texas... Touring the Alamo. When... ...he came across president bush praying to his god satan at a blazing altar. Dick Cheney then entered bringing with him a virgin to sacrifice when sven... got into the B.G.Y.-11 combat exosuit... ...and killed B.G.Y.-11 with it... but then he found out that if he killed the B.G.Y.-11 he wouldn't be IN the suit which meant that he must have killed the Legion Ex Machina's replicate, 11-X. (duh) Out of nowhere comes a robot with the identical flesh of Dwayne Hunter grafted onto a Legion exoskeleton, causing Sven to... ...kill the real B.G.Y.-11 and tell everybody his whole IPaddress so we can all spam him... ...with money... ...as it was disqiused as. But it was really death... ...coming towards arbron... ..at that point, canned laughter kicked in, directed at the twosomes zany antics in the "BGY and Arbron show", Abron.. and BGY started poking eachothers eyes out, hitting eachother with pies, and other such things. As a result, they came to be best known as the Two Stooges. So later... ...when the show was canceled because it was too funny... ...we recieve generous pensions, $10,000,000 each, plus an extra $500,000 each because we sued the guy who owned the sticks that we poked our eyes out with, sued the guy that owned the land we were on, then sued each other, each of us getting nothing but blowing all of the money on legal fees. So our friends at Q.U.A.R.K.... ...gave us both lots of money because we are special... ...then we gave some of it to the Sven Co-op team... or at least we were goin to... ...even though Agent Linctus didn't read the previous part of the story and learn that we are talking about Arbron and BGY... ...and they did give the money as a 'modivator' to get 2.0 out... ..even tho' that amount of money wasn't quite enough.. 

So 2.0 was released, unfortuately.. ...somebody made all of the models look like... Barney and friends characters!   
and not the beer-loving security guard either!   
:eek: ...but everybody liked to kill them so the game was fun anyways... soon everyone was playing 2.0 and........ ...makeing love to a computer with 2.0 on it... ut then a giant...long...slender... ...pickle came along and exclaimed 'BEST STORY EVER!' ...then he was shot... ...by chubby who had repeled from the sky lights above them. He then squeeked... ..."hehowmechubgligo"......which translates to... DEATH TO SVEN AND HIS SILLY GAME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!.......... ...Chuby's life flashed before his eyes when he saw over 20,123 RPGs coming at him... Un-fortunately for the SC'ers...they didn't realize they they were all in a small room...and we're all instantly gibbed by their own rockets...suddenly re-spawning in.. In the Keshian Confederacy "Oh Sh*t" said the SCer whose name was PoOtAnG... ...he said "F*CK this, i'm goin to krondor to see kitty" and pulled out his trusty xm1014 and walked backwards outta the room... But Gunner realize that pootang was using the famed auto-shotgun from Counter-Strike, and Gunner promtly pushed him off a high ledge, watching him splatter on the ground below...Just then, Chubby came in and thanked him. afterwards... Whislt the gang was walking down a road, Barney, Your Friendly Black Mesa Research Facility Security Guard..*Say that 5 times fast!*... came up and warned the players of the... angry Jal-Pur desert raiders which stalked the land even now, after the Keshians made peace with them... ...but thne went into a porn shop to buy some... ..Chubby porn, with Crowbar bondage and so on.. But instead they ended up buying female assasin bondage video's from B.G.Y-11, but they soon found out that the assasins only wore leather to disguise the fact that they looked like tipper gore, so they went back and bludgened B.G.Y-11 to death and nicked his trenchcoat, they then kicked.... ...a cow... over the moon, like in that song, rhyme, lullaby thing or whatever... ...then they weny back to the porn shop and... found that it was shut down. the owners cited lack of profitability because of... Former *cough* President Bush used his evil texas powers to shut down all of the porn shops and accidently relased everyone on the ten most wanted to China which made them mad so they.... ...exploded... a bomb in his very expensive Porsche. Bush retaliated by sending former *cough* Vice President Al Gore over there to 'keep them company with his, erm, lively sense of humor *giggle*.'Just then Sierra Hotel noticed he had become a god! To celebrate he went to Sven and asked if he could playtest SvenCoop 2.0.   
Sven replied by saying... ...no begging... so sierra hotel said, "if i wanted to i could have just edited my last quote to include that, but i felt lazy. so sue me."   
as a result, Sven... ...sued Sierra Hotel... and Sierra Hotel was too poor to pay Sven any money, so Sven ended up blowing all the money intended for use on Sven Coop 2.0s production, cauing a long delay which lasted until he could get that money back by... working in evil mad jonesy's underground room where they worked 24 hrs a day 7 days a week 366 days a year for one shiny penny per year. They were pleased for their income so they... ...bought a big candy bar... for 2 shiny coins! The shop keeper said "Looks like you're..." ...MAD JONENSY!!! I play your Sven Co-op all the time. I think it should be called Jonensy Co-op!!!"... ..and so it was.. and then did some obscene gestures with his hands ...... ...which was immediately bit off by po'ed southern baptist menopause support group members... ...then they went to Seattle, Washinton to Arbron's house to worship where Gordon Freeman came from... ...which is in the state whre my god Bill Gates was 2nd richest...damn Sam Walton, I thought he was dead, says Bill Gates...Bill Gates does something, which is... ...to get on top of a table and do some badly evil... ...chicks... ...then they shot him and everybody was happy... ...and through a party... ...and had fun... ...and played Sven Co-op 2.0... with lots of kantanas like i hoped for...... ...and some Barneys. Then Barney Fife walked in, saw how much the Barneys looked like him, and fainted... ...saying "You triple story and totally confused me with all your *fantasy* crap" before he hit the cold, hard floor... ...which turned out to have Erika Slate on it, masturbating... ...with a cow... ...only a cow in the roleplaying sex game that some people like to do (think about the kind of sex where each person is assigned a role to play out during foreplay...) Erika then did something that was related to sex, which was... ...yelling at B.G.Y.-11 for having ...poinless sex realated content... and shot him... a classic "ribbed for her pleasure" condom...then says with a wink... ...B.G.Y. should go to Hell. So he did and had a fun time in Idaho. They then all went back to Chumtoadland with Chuby the Chumtoad... ...who was daydreaming about what SHOULD have happened between BGY and Erika. (Hey, chumtoads can get horny too!) He decides to pick up where BGY left off. *a classic "ribbed for her pleasure condom"...than says with a wink...not that you'll be needing it, Tiger...you can give me all the pleasure I want...but first, let me pleasure you..." She does something, which is... ...shoot herself. Then she dies... ...which caused chummy to go B.G.Y. on her ass which means to... ... ...say the same thing twice... Big Gay Yuppy... Big Gay Yuppy... ...is someone who says "Big Gay Yuppy" as a means to make fun of an alternate reality U.S. Military designation and can't even spell "Yuppie" right...as B.G.Y.-11 (me) is left with a still hard dick a clumsily put on "ribbed for her pleasure" condom, and the sorrow of a missed opportunity, he shoots himself, expecting to go to hell because he committed suicide. However, the nanotiny small print on the Ten Commandments tablet contract says that anyone with a rock hard erection that uses a robotic suit to save mankind with a "ribbed for her pleasure" condom on at the time of death because he was going to finally get it on with a hot chick who always wears kinky lab uniforms and dark net stockings automatically gets to go to heaven and make all of the other people get stuck in this setting for the next page or so. The kind of heaven where you are in human form and get to do whatever you want, not the kind whre you have to play a harp and have wings and sleep on a cloud. Along the way, he (me) passes Jesus and says, "Yo, Jesus! I'm a big fan! Can I have your autograph?" Jesus says, "Sure, dog!" After getting Jesus's autograph, he (me) sees Erika. She sees him too, as her hand is in a erogenous area. She says "Let's pick up whre we left off" in a way that would make any man fold like a knife through butter. I (me) starts to... ...sya really stupid shit that noone wants to read... ...which is unfortunate, because in the last message I specifically said, "stay in this setting for the hour or so", which means that you have to pick up where I left off... Which is breaking the 'csi' law because it spefically said not to say pointless sex related stuff all over it. The law read "If thine holy law ist broketh then thy perpetrator must haveth ALL his fingers cut off (and not any 'robotic' fingers either. I mean the real ones!) thy hand" 

So they did and there was much rejoicing amidst B.G.Y -11s screaming... ...but then the last cut the knife sliped and cut something else lower on the body that looked like a finger | ... ...but it really turned out to be Arbron in a body suit that made him look like me... ...but it really was BGY in an Arbron suit... ...but it turned out the guy who was supposed to cut me was smoking pot and cut Arbron instead... Then some French guy came up and started playing horrid accordian music, causing all these guys to faint...Meanwhile, Mad Jonsey was poking Sven...then Sven turned and... ...poked Arbron with a stick... ...and Arbron poked BGY too hard and it went through but that was really BGY's standin... ...which confused everyone because we all thought the "BGY and Arbron Show" was canceled... ...but it really wasn't and both BGY and Arbron got truck loads of money... ...and The IRS took half but irate fans of the "BGY and Arbron Show" mobbed the IRS and since our show reached 99.9% of the Earth there were mass riots all over the world, which causes... ...but then the IRS had so much money and paid off the national deat for all countries and shut down... ...george bush, who was an android sent by satan... ..who just wanted to shut down the IRS because it was too evil... ...'till it turned out that that was STEVE FORBES's campaign platform, which caused Texas to... ...sink into... oblivion... ...which made it out of bounds for further ridicule... ..because it is dead... and we all lived happily ever after! And someone new joined the BGY and Arbron show. It was... *THE*END*..."Who the hell is The End?" BGY asks... ...on your ass... ...and then everybody went to Chubyland... and Mad Jonesy, who is King of ChubbyLand even since he threw Chubby into a woodchipper said.. 

"Let us see if we can make this to 1,00000 sentences before 2004.." ..."and then upload the story to the TEXAS (lol) Instruments mainframe, crashing it into oblivion so it can join its home state down there..." ...then it came back with one post. Now it is at... the Guiness Book of Records section for longest stories... ...and the most best storys ever... which is being nominated for a Pulitzer, a Nobel Literature Prize, and National Book Award... ...and of corse, the best TV show made from a story. That was given to the Arbron and BGY show of corse. Arbron and BGY once again got truckloads of money... But the sweet taste of victory turned to ashes in thier mouths because they knew they had merely stolen every episode from "Linc Jam Connection" and changed the title before putting it on air... ...but BGY in his new BGY Suit Mach 8000000 and Arbron with his partical generator fought off all the cops and got the money... ...which was good till they realized they had stolen 10 lire... ...+10,000,000,000 dolars... ...* -999999*10 to 999 dollars which put them in a substantial amount of debt.. ...but then everybody in the Clinton Administration gave them all the money so they were rich. They gave $100,000 to the Sven Co-op team to buy them another coder and a modeler... ...but then they realized that the year was 2003 and that had been conned... ...a cow... wich happened to be john wanyes great grand daughter who was from texas...... ..which was bought by BGY and Arbron and all of George W's secret Cayman Island and Swiss Bank accounts "mysteriously disappeared" and now George's father had to land in Industrial New Jersey the next time he decided to go skydiving because BGY and Arbron made it restricted airspace...naturally they fly really close and spy on us from across the border and then they get all pissed of when one of our planes "accidentally" bumped the wing... we wasnt an apology but then we have the 4 "regrets but not apology" statements signed by the Ambassador insted of Colin Powell schtick all over again...anyways, we reveal groundbreaking information in the aircraft, which is... that everybody except the Deciever, Soulblighter, The Watcher, Balor and Shiver (one of them is BGY and the other is Arbron. Whoever replies first get to choose whos who!) had died. They decided to fight it out and see who got to rule the world.... ...so they fought and BGY and Arbron came in and killed them and they both got half of the world. Then BGY went into space and got space and Arbron go the world... ....and then everybody in the story smacked him with large goat penises for being "special"... ...which made BGY say to Arbron, "Speaking of penises, why did they basically make the Big Momma a scrotum on four legs that shoots acid sperm?" Arbron says... ..."What the hell are you talking about."... ..."Have you ever taken a GOOD LOOK at the Big Momma? If you do you'll see what I mean..." Then someone says... Kind of sexy isnt it? We all turn around and discover that the evil gay powers of nihilanth have taken over the land. "MUAHAHAHA!!!" Nihilanth screams. "Shutup you gay ass big baby, go cry to momma!" Yea that shut him up. Then all of a sudden, it started raining fuzzy lumpkin balls of joy joy almond goodness with a few cherries in the sweet sweet chocolately cream banana whipped center of oozingingly scrumptious apple pie with some hot a spicy.....anyway, Agent takes out his plastic miniature gordon action figure and he.... ...proceeds do do something sexually inappropriate with it, which is... Oh man gordon you really screwed nihilanth. No pun intended. Actually it was intended. Actually.....so Agent takes out his super duper deluxe mego man cool guy gordon plastic action man thingy and gives it to BGY. He gasps, and all of a sudden.... ...BGY is torn between auctioning it on Ebay! and getting a new computer, using it to sexually arouse the Big Momma and luring it into a cage and auctioning it on Ebay! and getting a new computer, use it to rip the balls out of that huge, swinging scrotum and auctioning it on Ebay! and getting a new computer, refusing it politely because you are always supposed to politely refuse gifts, or thanking Secret-Agent and giving an EP-327 to him to put under his military control and thanking him for this awesome gift and making myself his friend forever. What I decide to do among these choices is... ...become master of the universe and world domination is under your power. Untill you get the computer then you just run a popular sven server, nuff said. But, the last thing that had to worried about, now came in fear. It was.... ...that his BGY suit malfunctioned... But it restored to power after a jumper cable hooked to gordon freemans HEV suit. What a guy. But back to our present situation, our good hero Super Ultra Mega ninja super dude ultra man was relaxing and enjoying himself (....) until the evil forces of Ultra cool ninja mega mega cool guy man invaded the universe. Super Ultra Mega ninja super dude ultra man was startled by the appearance of Ultra cool ninja mega mega cool guy man. Super Ultra Mega ninja super dude ultra man was now in battle ready with Ultra cool ninja mega mega cool guy man. After tough battles with Ultra cool ninja mega mega cool guy man, Super Ultra Mega ninja super dude ultra man had to call on assisstance from his sidekick, Ninja cool dude alien man cool guy mega man ultra cool dude awesome man guy. Ninja cool dude alien man cool guy mega man ultra cool dude awesome man guy and Super Ultra Mega ninja super dude ultra man teamed up and blasted away Ultra cool ninja mega mega cool guy man, and Super Ultra Mega ninja super dude ultra man and Ninja cool dude alien man cool guy mega man ultra cool dude awesome man guy restored peace throughout the world. But unnexpectadely..... ...my suit had to go back to the S.S. Dark Horse, Gordon Freeman's suit runs on fuel cells, mine runs on Cobalt Thorium G! Not to meantion a 15 foot tall suit would get much power from a human sized one...anyways, they obviously send Arbron and Secret-Agent into the Legion Ex Machina's underground lair, since they are obviously right for the job, which is to elimate the remaining Legion members, Number One, Number Two, Number Five, and Number Three. They also have to rescue Dr. Roland Poindexter, their creator. They take Rusty along, plus they get to pick whatever equipment and weapons they need. However, they need special equipment and weapons since they are basically copies of the T-101 on Terminator, so Arbron and Secret-Agent decide to... Leave it all up to B.G.Y -11. BGY proceeds to save Dr. P and kill rusty all in one night…Which drains all of BGY's suit power and must be repaired....by homself this time, because off in a different world, XEN, Gordon Freeman is busy killing a scrotum while perpatrating it's sac inside its under ground laaair. But as gordon progresses, chubby the chumtoad is suddenly... woken up from his dream, after all Rusty is good! R0cK 0n R43ty! It turns out the sheriff's department got a search warrant and broke into his house to look for drugZ...the only thing that can save chubby now is... ...the giant scrotum which had fallen through the roof with gordon at the reins... Gordon motioned for chubby to hop into the scrotum, and they took off. They landed on a deserted island, only to find the inhabitants were... ...scrotum lickers... ...and big mommas... Who were also Satanists experimenting in the dark arts of ANAL SEX…….Which happend to be slang for "i love you, you love me, lets all be a happy family.....dah dah dah whatever whatever.." and the inhabitant scrotum licking big momma barney the purple dinosaurs all rejoiced in a big gay sweaty orgy.... ...death... And chubby starts beating people with his ugly stick and all of a sudden, the god of the island, Hutlizopticaltutfutialfringtiuiaaasdnnm, (hutlizopticaltutfuitciaialaa for short) has now been unearthed. He looked totally pissed off at chubby, and the little chumtoad pees his pants. Which makes hutlizeoptical...yea he uh.....he....passes out and chubby has to escape before he crushes the island... ...but then Hutlizopticaltutfutialfringtiuiaaasdnnm followd him to... His giant underpants below the surface of the island, where chubby said to him... ...die bitch... 

End part 1 


	2. Part 2

Part 2

And then chubby rips out his flame thrower penis and starts throwing flames out of his penis. Then he gets his electro magnetic pulse grenade which is a grenade that has a magnetic pulse that is electric. He then wips out his shrink-o dick-o ray which is a ray that shrinks dicks. So he shrank hutzelaitypedjnfjgfututt's dick and then chubby pulled out his cell phone, which is a phone that...uh...anyway he calls his agent and says..... ..."My wanta notha jobe," in the strange Chumtoad language... which translates to french as... ..."Mi no kico noi ma,"... ...which translates to Tagalog as... Please, take this bread and eat from it, for it is the body of my blood. Er, for it is....wait so anyway chubby was closed to being doomed when all of a sudden, barney, our friendly black mesa research facility guard came up and grapped chubby and they blasted off to barneys house.... and while we were blasting off to Barney's house B.G.Y.-11 had an epiphany (we are all speaking about ourselves in 3rd person, right?) that Secret-Agent knew that his former name was BarneyYourFriendlyBMRFsecurityG, and as he was ruminating this, it turned out they had blasted off to the WRONG BARNEY's house! Before we could escape, a horde of multicolored reptile suits and weird music... ..."I love you, you love me. We're a big gay family. With a hug hug here and a kiss from me to you. Blah blah blah blah blah."... then all of a sudden the zombies from udeath started to attack and lagged everyone out .... ...So I enlarged my kickass sig and lagged it even more... ...the lag was so much that BGY was kicked out of the story... ...and through a temporal loop he came back again... And was disfigured so his face was his ass and his ass was his face. This meant that... I couldn't smell nasty smells because nothing smells worse than my ass at that proximity so it dulled my nose. This causes Texas to... ...come back from obivion... ...only to be mistaken for that Texas sized asteroid headed for Earth (e.g. Armageddon)... ...and Bruce Wilis went up to kill it... And he died cause it was only predictable that the hero would.... ...unfotunaely some of the asteroid survived and landed in the middle of france killing all the french... the world was happy until they all respawned THEN... ...started playing their music again... ...then everything happened again because of that music then we got caught in a temporal loop... ...then Arbron put on his Ablative Armor and shot the French with a Tranphasic Torpedo. They couldn't respawn... Because there was only 1 respawn point and they all couldn't respawn at once at the same time cause they were too stupid to make more then one respawn point beforehand.... ...and the mapper, Bob the Bad Mapper, didn't know what to do... ...until he found that "*doll*"......that killed him. The dols name was... ..hEEMOChumCObloBo!... ...translated to CHUKY!!!... ...which translates to Male doll on homicidal PMS!... ...and the doll was naked... ...this caused George W. Bush to... run up to it and... Propose mispronounced and no making sense of stuff political ideas to the doll and she started to run away even tho she was a doll but anything can get scared of george bush wcich made george cry and he reisgned from being "head honcho big cheese do whatever i want guy" as he calls it. This meant tha, the human heart attack, Dick Cheney, would become the head honcho big cheese guy. But chubby would not allow this. so he organized a.... ...thing to say that Chuky was a guy doll... But infact, the evil forces of the aline blaster peoples invaded the universe with ginat man eating slug creature things that all blood and guts which exploded and aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh...screamed chubby as he was being sucked into the stomach of a big aline crap guy thing and he was like; "hey man, wtf, get me out dude" so the aliens like: "WASSSSSSUUPPPPPPPPPPP" and they start making out with your mom AND ALL OF A SUDDEN BAM THEY DIE AND BAAAAAAM WE ALL DIE and then the people that were survivors, which included chubby they like were dead again so they unevninteableytitnfm killed themselves with a dagger and a pickaxe which sounded good at the time but thren again wtf do i know so anyway as long as im still on the same sentence i'll just say that chubby and tor became best friends and then what would happen to Bill clinton was another thing that was bad.... ...was that Bob the Bad Mapper came back and made a bunch of clipping errors so everybody fell into a black oblivion below the map. They fell right into... ...the B.G.Y.-11. Then they heard Texas make a biting comment "Haha you killed me and mutilated me and raped me and eventually sent me into oblivion...now the tables are turned...I control the evil master computer of the Universe with my namesake...TEXAS INSTRUMENTS MAINFRAME...you are in oblivion and I control your fate...ironic, isn't it?" This caused everyone to think about how they caused unneccessary damage to Texas and how we hurt it's feelings...etc. etc...we decide to say "sorry man we WERE too hard on you..no hard feelings, k?" Then Texas said, aww ok, I guess we can be buds...just then Rusty came in and said, "Eat Nucleoprotons, Mr. Mean Jeans!" and fired a nucleoprotonic blast at TEXAS's Austin...the capital...a penis, if you will...then TEXAS said "NOOO YOU LYING FUCKS! YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!" and he blasted Rusty's body apart...all that was left was the head...then everyone in the B.G.Y.-11 said, "Noooo, Rusty!" Just then Lieutenant Dwayne Hunter appeared out of nowhere and said, "KID!" This pissed him off so much that unknown telekinetic powers to rocket out of oblivion, then he started to blast the hell out of Texas with everything he got...then the EP-327 joined in...then, unexpectedly, the Legion Ex Machina came out and said, "You say you have the ultimate computing power huh? Don't trifle with us, Texas. You don't have the bandwidth." Then the Legion started blasting the hell out of Texas with everything they got too, including the 500 megawatt vortex cannon on the ARG-12000, and then all of Gene Roddenberry's creations started to blast the hell out of it...all in the course of 30 seconds. After Texas was blasted the hell away Rusty's head had a female voice come out of it..."Primary systems disengaged. Backup systems activating." Then Rusty said, "Hey guys!" then Dr. Slate came in and gave him a spare body, so it was the same Rusty they knew and admired. This caused everyone to think, "Aw hell, we took out revenge on Texas because we thought Rusty was dead...I feel foolish" and then everyone welcomes Rusty back...then the Legion realized that they had the perfect opportunity to steal Quark technology, so they tried to take Rusty, then there was fighting amongst everyone, while they were distracted, part of Texas was streaking towards Washington, D.C., and George Bush had that evil satanic worship star with a circle around it out on the White House lawn and he was standing in it...he said..."YES I WILL BE UNITED WITH THE EVIL STATE AND NOW I CAN FINALLY ASCEND TO HELL AND RULE THE WORLD, AFTER ALL IT IS THE "LONE STAR STATE", AS IN "LONE EVIL STAR WITH A CIRCLE AROUND IT USED BY SATANIC WORSHIPPERS TO MAKE SACRIFICES AND DO EVIL STUFF(as seen on TV)!" Meanwhile, up at the battle... ...nobody bothered to read BGY's speech because it was to long... And so everyone on the internet agreed, which got bgy madly pissed off, and he started throwin shit at chubby and he almost killed him when.... Bob the Bad mapper's trigger_hurt got triggered in his terrbile multimanager editing So bob the mapper's worldcraft .6 alpha version got all screwed up and he wasnt able to map anything anymore. w00t!!! So a new guy, Joe the mapper came into the scene...but this time Joe the mapper was havin some trouble with adding friendly grunts, so he asked Bob for some help, and Bob said.... ..."First you have to model the B.G.Y.-11 at 15 ft. tall, all the weapons/equipment in their right place, make him complete with the right sounds and postures/stances with all of the patented sayings and with the trigger where Lieutenant Dwayne Hunter ejects and you can pilot it, THEN maybe I'll think about it..." ...but then Joe the Mapper made the friendly grunts spawns before any enemies so no monstes would attack... ...then B.G.Y.-11 (we are talking in 3rd person about ourselves in this story right) started bitching about how mapping was too _hard_ and it _always_ says "Map not found on server" and asked why this is... ..and Arborn said that this was because your map didn'r compile properly and... ...}[]BlackMage[]{ makes yet another pointless appearance in a futile attempt to raise the amounts of lines he has... ...which means that B.G.Y.-11 has to ask Arbron how to fix that, then B.G.Y.-11 and Arbron laugh in chorus at the puny amount of lines }[]BlackMage[]{ has... ...and yet again blackmage his horribly beaten with geneticly enchanced goat penises... Which latch on to his face and he gets screwed and then they like have wild crazy frog sex where they like have geintal wart combinations and they make babies and stuff so anyway, our good friend Adrion Shephard decides to pay a visit to Gordon Freeman... ...then all that wild crazy frog sex stuff happened between shepard and freeman... ...and then Barney from Blue Shift came in and... ...shot them in their... ...eye. This caused them to run around wildly... ...killing }[]BlackMage[]{, who immediately respawned far far far away from this story... ...in Never Never land, there he…...saw Peter, John, Wendy, and that other kid get shot down by antiaircraft fire from Captain Hook's updated Aegis cruiser... ...and they were there so long that they became canibles... And started to eat each other raw. Since they didn't have a microwave to cook there human's in, they all died from diseases like hakluejfjdamitotisos. So this forces president bush, a native of texas, to pull down his pants on live t.v. and do his "wang thang". So everyone voted to impeach him and he got kicked out of office. Oh yea, and some aliens came and destroyed the earth. But anyway..... ...Chuby was cool... ...and for no apparent reason, }[]BlackMage[]{ come back again in this obscenely pointless story... So everyone decided to kill blackmage and we all are happy in our glory and stuff like that. Then all of a sudden, my spacebar breaks off of my keyboard and starts dancing and singing in my mouth. This is because of... ...an evil curse that BlackMage somehow put on everyone who killed him... ...and it makes BlackMage come back from the dead... ...then everything is immediately fine, BlackMage wanders off to PlanetHalfLife to see if anything is new there and everyone is happy for about 10 minutes. Then all of a sudden... ...}[]BlackMage[]{ comes back... And everyone is turned into barney! (purple dinosaur.) So everyone starts huggin each other and start actin gay, then agent steps in a blats these freaks to hell with some giant ass gun which i have not bothered to name yet. But the evil forces of poopypopypissypants thing like attack people and... ...then the B.G.Y.-11 and Rusty blast the hell out of it...then the Legion Ex Machina decides to... ...die... ...by the hand of Deus Ex Machina... ...in front of a K-Mart... ...that had a spare Legion Ex Machina in stock... ...then in the background, BlackMage mutters about how stupid this entire thing is Which is heard by no one because just at that very moment, the evil forces of 1234567890 started fighting to eviler forces of 0987654321. But, the evilest of all the forces, 5647382910, Majorly 0wned the competition, and Our good american president, bill clinton had sex with monica luinski. Then,.... ...Bill the Strange Mapper came in and made a strange map where everybody... ...had to masturbate in order to... ...open a big door shaped like a huge... ...door... shaped.....opening. So they went through the huge door shaped opening and it was a portal to xen. All of these alien grabbing thingies started grabbing thingies and everyone died. Which is good because.... ...Secret-Agent was confusing... ...the EP-327... Which is code for "everyone". So they decided to knock some sence into Agent,But he pulls around and starts fragging there asses with their asses. This caused BGY's suit to malfunction and he died and so did everyone except me. And a few other hundred billion people but everyone died. aaaaanyway... Secret Agent got bored with having no-one to talk to and decided to.. ...now the only thing that was on the earth was Agent and cows. So Agent was the ruler of all the cows... ...so he made cow human hybrids without the use of any fancy lab equipment... ...and they all had his DNA in them so they looked like... ...Arbon... ...but they mainly looked like Golem... ...who was in this... ...which, coincidentally, was the B.G.Y.-11, so it looked like _me_... ...which reminded everyone that I set a precedent by saying stuff... ...and then BGY was shot because of it... ...but it simply bounced off 10 tons of titanium armor... ...into Rusties .5 ince armor. It killed Rusty and the BGY pilot was sad Which forced him to commit suicide by staying in that big machine thing for to long and sufficating. But some say it wasn;t an accident, because Secret-Agent's evil mad cows had a plan, a plan to.... ...come up with a better plan... ...interrupt the story to say that there was the episode where Dr. Slate said that Rusty could withstand a "megaton of punishment" and that the B.G.Y.-11 has vents for air, so everything was normal and Big Guy drove off an attack on the cows in Cedar Rapids, Iowa by aliens, on which he said just before blasting them out of the sky, "No not-of-this-earth surgical-probe-wielding invader's gonna deprive this planet's children and their growing bones of even one glass of wholesome milk!" Then... ...cows romed the Earth... ...and someone (KmouthK1lla) was cruel enough to spread mad cow and hoof and mouth disease among them during their peak horniness time so that it was spread to almost all the cows, just to be evil…..he killed himself... Which was sinisterely evil. Which is stupid. 'Nuff said. Until.... ...Bob the bad mapper changed his name to [BlockerZ] Bob... ...then promptly changed it back to Mapper Bob... ...because he is not a Blocker... ...he is a [Condo//]... ...so [Condo//] Bob went and blocked a long slender thing called a... ...Bill Clinton's... ...pencil sharpener... ...which is slang for... ...Billy... ...Willy Wang Wong... wich happen to be his cigar! the both had a good smoke and the secert service promptley shot him... When he was shot the bullet turned into a zebra and the zebra said to everyone: "Turtles have tortoises on their penises!". So everyone rejoiced in a gay orgy. The end. Until...... ...T-13 was killed... Which was cool cause 13 is unlucky. So unfortunate it really is. T-13 was cool man, he didn't deserve to die. No one was happy. Everyone just hoped and prayed that... ...he left me an Arbron everything in his will... ...and he did. We both gave half of T-13's 25c to the Sven Co-op team... Then Gunner walked in the room, shook his head, and walked off...leaving the other SC'ers starign at the door with a really wierd look, then go back to what they were doing as if nothing happened. But thanks to the Alliances ressurection technology, my corpse was taken to the HQ and I was brought back to life, but even better cuz I got this kickass looking burn mark down my left cheek...then back with arbron and B.G.Y... Who were the best of pals. They ate together, they talked together, they slept together........which was...odd seeing as how....they're lesbians....and as secret agent keeps rambling on continuosly.........some odd stuff happens............. ...like me saying, "Me and Arbron aren't lesbians!" and hiring the best lawyers to sue Secret-Agent for libel (or defamation or whatever...leave it to the lawyers)... ...then we learn that Agent was just trying to hide that he was a lesbian... ...he (she) hated all guys and even had one of those lesbian sign necklaces... And Agent kept protesting he was just a lesbian trapped in a man's body. But for BGY's lawsuit, Secret-Agent's expert team of lawyers, mamaged toi settle the case for a mear....500 billion. So anyway, BGY's lung like crashes and he dies and secret agent 0wnz j00 and ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US. Which is because... He's an ass ramming homosexual with a small... ...brain... ...which reminds me of the latest issue of MAD Magazine... ...where a guy with a small brain and a small... ...*ahem* reproductive organ... ...and a small cow... Like to eat... ...which is bad, since I said that KmouthK1lla infected all of the cows with mad cow and hoof and mouth disease, just to be evil... ..so the chubtoad, embaressed, walked out of the server into a big pile of things that were good like..... WARM GRAPES and things that tasted like fruit and nice things that were milky. Meanwhile everyone is looking at this and sniffing their genitals because they jammed it in a vent that was cutting off circulation to their minature cows that made a lot of horse crap (They are cows not horses)  
that they molded into the story that started off at chubby and his friends in chubby town having a game of chinese checkers tht wouldn't end because they had very good defensive skills that were better than getting nailed in the nuts by a big package of WARM GRAPES and then, after grimacing through the pain, commensed in shoving the WARM GRAPES into... ...Laura Bush's anal cavity... Didn't do anything cause no one cares about Laura Bush cause her dad is a retard   
Exclaimer: Secret-Agent's opinions do not reflect the ideas of his plan for total world domination over all that is good.   
So back to kmouth1killa.......he kinda...died. Cause of Secret-Agent's mad cow holy war temple thingy. Which happened to be just as big as.... ...Laura Bush's clitoris... some where in italy:   
the counter-terrorist and terrorist had joined forces and also made a bet to see who could f--k the chickens the longest no doubt that... L337 Kr3w won because they 0wn j00. And those chickens. But seeing as how most people in this community hate cs, Kracker was immediately assassinated on site. Which just goes to show you.... ...that Secret-Agent didn't understand that Kracker was dissing CS...meanwhile, in Laura Bush's vagina... Which is where Secret-Agent was.....hiding...out...in...cause...he was....confused.........over....um wtf is going on now.........? Then a space cow came down and killed everybody... Which was the coolest thing ever cause cheese comes from cows and cheese is spaced out yo. And so is... ..Laura Bush's boobs... So then again, everyone got really fed up with people talking in intimate details about Laura Bush. Well....at least Secret-Agent was fed up. So Laura bush dies cause Agent pumps some lead in her head. And..... ...Laura Bush's enbalmed tits and reproductive organs are auctioned off on eBay!... ...the final bid was $95,043,345.21... all the sudden, a giant...boner appeared in the shorts of the person who bought Laura Bush's tits on eBay!... all the sudden out of no where, a huge giant block fell from the sky and landed on... ...Kracker... which is one of those mario blocks from the video game, he then recieved ten golden coins which gave him the ability to.... ....die.... ...and come back to life... ...to die again... ...Until he went through all 212 ways for a soldier to kill a man... ...which were...   
1) Headshot from the front.   
2) Headshot from the back.   
3) Headshot from the left.   
4) Headshot from the right.   
5) Headshot from above.  
...which is a good report on how you can kill ppl in Half-Life...however I was talking about Fake-Life, you know the one where you go to school/job, dates, etc....  
6) Strangle #1.   
7) Strnagle #2.   
9.) Kick in balls   
10.) Camp at the enemy's spawn reload area and come up from behind them and shoot them and stuff   
11.) Throw a grenade in their eye and they die  
since Kracker was going against a blonde marine, he had a grenade stuck in his eye with the pin still in it, he took the grenade out, and press alternate fire which caused the whole world to turn into./.. ...Laura Bush, who   
12) gets gutted in the belly   
13) gets killed by a car   
14) dies during a muffdive by George  
15) Eats too many cows...  
16) Is a lactophiliac....   
wait a minute   
this is kinda crazy,the story and the list are mixing together wrong...nevermind   
continue  
17) Hey, Team 17!  
18)jump and break your …car…  
19) Die.  
20.) Penis be gone  
21) Loosing what you are talkign about.  
22.) Chucking a lab top full of top secret classified information at some ones head.  
23 - 220) Eat headcrab in many ways.  
So after everyone described the...220 i guess ways to kill some one as a soldier, chubber the chubfrog, chubby the chumtoad's evil nemesis, is undergoing a evil plan. chubber plans to destroy all chumtoads, and have the the rest of the chubfrogs to bow to him as master. But chubby and his all star team of chumtoads are ready to stop chubber......... ...from getting Laura Bush's testicals... ...and eating them…  
(221) Vasectomy)   
(222) Lara Croft gives a blowjob) And everyone realizes that the person playin lara croft in her upcoming movie is mad hot...but ya see laura bush isn't so thats just disgusting and every dies of disugst. Except.. ...Chris the Ugly mapper. He loved seeing someone uglier then him...   
(223) A 10th generation inbred. i.e. Rush Limbaugh.)   
(224.) headcrab shooter, now in stores.)  
(225)Blue Shit. Indicates serious poisoning or mineral deficiency.) ...so he had sex with himself... And everyone says ok...........cause they do but then.......... ...the Story grows and the words increase... ...and BGY goes to the bathroom... And pisses out all of his lines as they return to 0............. ...as in 01064... As in 0.164 ............ ...as in I am the first person with a decimal in my line number and Mad Jonesy is so impressed that he rewards me by moving the decimal point a few times and making it 01069.00... Which causes mad jonsey to have a heart attack and on his last breath he orders BGY's lines to go back to 0....... ...but he can still talk for a while without breathing and he finishes it by saying "01075"...But he quickly changes his mind and says: "No wait, I mean 0......." And he dies. And thats it........ ...so BGY's lines are now at zero. But in ten minutes he gets them back to 1000 again... Because in the real world his lines are 0......... ...however, Mad Jonesy, as it turns out, was the only one who knew the password to change lines and stuff, so my lines grow at an exponential rate, as usual... they dropped 0 as they usually do............ ...because of a code that Mad Jonsey installed before he died that automaticly set BGY's lines to 0. ... ...then we all look around, see no guy registered as "BGY", and my lines grow as usual... Hey, does that stand for Big Gay Yule?   
No offense, but i'm wondering of an ancroynm to use.   
No Why do you think an official US Military designation would stand for "Big Gay Yule-11"?  
...and Big Gay Yule died... The military might. ........might shoot basicbeecichi for not saying correctly on this story. So beecichi dies and everyone is happy until........ eumm ... err ... oh shit i think i lost it! ....says gordon as he goes into xen ready to battle nihilanth....... ...but what he does instead is go into it's big ass diaper... OH SHIT THE CONTINUITY OF THE STORY IS BROKEN!! ITS BREAKING UP!!! OH GOD!! AHH!! ...and suck the Nithlanth's... ...erect... ...prostate... ....popsicle........ ...as in prostate cancer. Prostate cancer primarily affects the gallbladder, which is another term for... penis.........which is what gordon freeman said to barney calhoun. So barney dies all of a sudden, and Otis is made head security guard at BMRF, which means....... ...that everybody get free donuts... And they were poisened and otis was really the gman who was really gordon who was really one of those worms that try and bite you when your in the water…....which is impossible because everyone know that in the Worms game series worms drown in water... ...which is impossible cause worms like water thats why they come out of the ground when it rains....... ..which prompts me to say to Secret-Agent, "Have you ever PLAYED any of the Worms game series?"... which reminds Secret-Agent he meant to say possible, not impossible, which makes him say "no i have never played those silly games....." which causes BGY to..... ...urge him strongly to play it... But his urges do not accomplish anything because Secret-Agent....... ...is being urged by Herbal Essences... ...which is hair lice... ...orgasmic hair lice... with orgasmic....... ...contractions... of a thin piece of....... ...vagina... salted........ ...nuts... ...and then everybody went back to Chumtoad Land... where they found all the chumtoads had died....... ...except Chubby... ......who had died....... ...but respawned... ...and ran around humping the cadavers while yelling," YEAH I'M FINNALY GETTING SOME!"... until chubby died again, this time for good....................... ...and everything died for good so there is nothing to tell a story about... ...except when everything came back alive and..... mysteriously weren't in the land of, chubby land, they were actually many many planets away they had landed in... ...Uranus....... ..but decided to stay in Uranus and go for some Anal domination... oh crap no one gave me anything to say, I must blow up now"   
he blew up causing.... ...}[]BlackMage[]{ to say stuff... ...claiming himself story King. Then... Secret-Agent lines hit 400 something and is still a lowly sven stalker, but with the powers of the schwartz, he we will reach his destiny of story king and beyond. With the help from........ Mad Jonesy banning everyone over 500 lines other than him and Sven because of all the crap that "The B-Team" posts.. .........but he quickly changes his mind because he is such a nice guy.......and that means....... ...that cows fly... ...and everyone laugh's at arbron's cheap attempt to create laughter, when all of a sudden, as arbron is happily eating grass from his hoof, realizes that he is dead. Which manages to create the 1 thing known as....... ...cow pies... ...which is also known as........ ...cow chips... ......also known as.... ...complete shit, as in I lost all my lines and missed out on what happened, as in, what the hell was the B-Team posts? I missed out….......so seeing as how no one has sympathy for bgy, he commits suicide, and then respawns as a big fat guy who..... ...is very sad that no one cares… ......but in fact he was faking being sad and he eventually kills himself again and respawns again and does something which....... ...awes newbies, irks averages, and pisses off l33t$! THE MIGHTY TELEFRAG... ...manwhore....... ...he-bitch... ..male prostitute... ...B.G.Y... ...big dis by Golem makes BGY mad and BGY does something, something so horrible, what he did was..... ...kill Sven!!! "OH KNOW!!!" everybody screems, "LETS KILL BGY!!!"... ..And we all killed BGY, and the one person who assassinated him was Secret-Agent, so to award Agent, Mad Jonesy gave all of BGY's lines to Agent, and now Secret-Agent has like 2000 lines, and he 0wnz everybody, but the problem is...... they noticed something was falling from over head, it was the corpes of a ...Sven that has risen form the "deathbog" and restored to life. BGY's death caused sven to... .....die....... ...and since Sven controls the space time continuum everything is rebooted and we are to the part just before I die, and I am so mad that Secret-Agent killed me that I do THIS to his car ...he does nothing cause Secret-Agent dos have a car... ...which prompts me to say, "Of course you don't, I just ripped it in half in a fit of rage..."... ......which prompts Secret-Agent to say, "No."............... ...suddently Secret-Agent whips out a chainngun and blasts BGY. Unfortunatally BGY has no... .......penis........ ...weakness to a chaingun... what the hell i just said that only 2 seconds ago... r u stalking me? ..is what Kritter Said to Agent, and Agent said "No, im just replying to whoever says something last..." So everyone.... ...Rejoiced. Then kritter said "Well it just seems odd that you talked so fast"...Well ....I get around....." Secret-Agent replied. Then, a big thing name dhtrohtreh965454564654654654654 came and killed people, by use of...... ...not fast for BGY... .......which was a portable thingy device that killed people by... ...humping them to death... ...but people liked it so they didn't die...... ...and best of all, King Bob repealed the Gum Tax... ...which all govenment officals need for their pay. Which made them so angry they... ...destroyed a pyramid made of mud for Pharoah Bob... .....which was made of mud...... ...so it dies easly... ...and it dies.... ...because it rained and King Bob was instead remembered for the things that he had insituted during his rule... ......selling condoms for 99 cents... ...which prompts me to ask, "Are they second-hand condoms?"... ....."yes, you want to try them out?" replied King Bob. "sure" BGY responded. So they..... ..all went down to the fair and had a gay time!! ........and they eventually died because they saw BGY's new sig and they all said.... ...."This is it man. Game over, man. GAME OVER"........which surprisingly sounded familiar because.... ...aliens was playing on a tv next to them... and the alien was obviously from mars attacks ... ack! ack! ack! ack! ack!... and the alien said to the people : "ACK YOU AND ALL YOUR ACK ARE BELONG TO ACK!!!!"   
Which made Pizza the Hut and Dark Helmet say....... ...for great justice drop every ack... ....you know what you doing when you take off every ack........ ...just then I say, "King Bob wouldn't sell that, it would be Hustler Kid who would sell it when he opens up his trenchcoat"..........and finds a condom in there." This made King Bob say: "So shall it be written, so shall it be done!"... ........so shall it be neutered, so shall it shall have no balls." And all the dogs and cats cried out in horror and they said in unison: "SO SHALL IT BE WRITTEN, SO SHALL IT BE DONE!" But everyone was like: "Dude wtf, dogs and cats don't talk..." So everyone died of penis infectileisms and king bob said: "I'll repeal the Gum Tax"..."I'll repeal the Gum Tax"...So everyone was confused why BGY says the same message twice. Everyone died and..... ...there was a coup d'etat... .......or a manajge a tois.....since Secret Agent cant do french things what he means to say is: Threesome. ............So everyone excepted his proposal and they....... ...had fun. One of them, Scuba Fred, enjoyed... .......glow in the dark........ ...Winger-Dingers... ....fully inflatable...... ...continuity...broken...oh no... ....and we all die because.... ...continuity...broken...oh no... .......put back together again..... "Yeah, just like Humpty Dumpty!" -Mack... ....DAddy..... ...Longlegs... .....waxing..... ...Nad's skin remover... .......which had big balls because of a virus whihc infected the.... ...B.G.Y.-11, who then said, "Why isn't this story burning in the bowels of Planet Sad?" (quote inspired by Golem)... then Mad Jonesy piped in with:   
"Because it reminds all us normal people why we will never enter Planet Sad.." then B.G.Y.-11 piped in with: "But what about Golem and Commando and DeathBog and }[]BlackMage[]{ and even YOU??   
Your plan has already failed so ya might as well chuck this thread in there anyway..." until they all died which meant.... RESPAWN!!   
And since we were on the map c0a0, we all got telefragged or saw the rear end of a runaway train, promptly afterwards we fell into a pit. However, sv_gravity was set to "50", and we could all jump around through the train's route. We blew up the scientists and forklifts and Barneys along the way, and when we got to the Apache, I said, "set the gravity to 0!" and it was, and I jumped as high as I could over the Apache, then I said, "Set the gravity to 99999999999999!" and it was, and I got gibbed when I fell through the Apache, and then I said, "I got chopped up in the blade's rotors! Get it? hahaha!" And then everyone said "BGY!!" at my lame joke, and then we went on through the tram's route... .......and we couldnt go on because the thing didnt open.......and even with noclip on there was no way to continue. so we had a plan, we..... ...started masturbating….........and some more masturbating lead to..... ..blindness.. ...WHICH IS A BLATANT LIE STARTED BY UPTIGHT OVERLY RELIGIOUS ASSES... ......that died 10000 years agoSo, anyways, we started masturbating with noclip on on the map c0a0, and... ......some on accidently turned noclip off and our penises hit the ground and it hurt so we killed BGY cause we thought hes the one who turned it off because it didnt hurt him because he doesnt have a penis. But it was really Agent, and agent was like a cool mega guy, and he did some...... ...yoga but not just any yoga evil yoga... ...yoga which involved masturbation... wich happened in texas for some reason or anthoer... hey what iam doing here? You are here to masturbate to get on with c0a0 and to blow up Texas!   
BGY chimed in... "Whoops" BGY said, I meant   
"Masturbate, get it on with c0a0 then get blown by a Texan"   
Everyone then looked at BGY then reached into their pants and drew out their.. ...penises with the tattoos that said: "Thanks for bumping the story Jonesy!" Then everyone started to mastubate, and then... they went blind.. the religious nuts were talking the truth after all..   
They then wandered around blindly and reached out for.. Their penises...except nobody knew which one they were grabbing, and in the confusion... ...they grabbed one anothers noses and BGY's finger went up secret-agent's nose & feeling a big wet bogie there, BGY said... "You been keeping that warm for me Big Boy?" ...but since everyone was confused, it was really Mad Jonesy who said that...and since the masturbating has been goin on forever ans still no ejaculation everyone's ballz... Wow. That is one bogey! [not meant to be misspelled]   
So they went back went up secret-agent's nose & After some more searching, they found what seemed like his brain.   
Hmm...he didn't need that anyway.   
*Splish* *Splish* as the brain bounces out of the story...   
So, they dug deeper...and found what could be the most delicate, more interesting thing than ever presented.... [And It's not an inside-out WANG leading to more inside-out masturbation!!!!]   
------------------------------------   
You notice how BGY is infatuated [ex: overwhelmed] on masturbation   
I wonder if his real name is Big G Y-something?   
You broke the continuity of the story!! FIX IT.   
Masturbating DOES NOT mean that you are gay! ...IT MEANS YOU ARE VERY LONELY AND HAVE NO MONEY FOR WHORES... 

End part 2


	3. Part 3

OK, OK, let's start over   
  
It was a nice day in the world of the B.G.Y.-11. Today he had a nice... Big Juicy WanG to masturbate!!!   
  
And when the big robot came, people lined up to get some ICE CREAM!!!...   
  
After eating some ice cream [delicious, btw]... They all agreed that 21 pages of total crap was not a very good thing.   
  
"Maybe I got off on the wrong foot" Said B.G.Y -11 "Now lets all talk about golf and all gold related things, specifically the boxes in which golf clubs are delivered in"......which brings me to my next point: Has anyone seen the Seinfeld episode involving JFK's golf clubs?... "no".."Hmm..." BasicBeecicchi said, "Have you ever seen the movie JFK?" And every one else said no why? "Well," I said, "If ya like conspiracies than you'll love this movie..." *points to BasicBeecicchi and his 'the government is bugging us' theory*..and there will be more from "B.G.Y.'s Movie review show" next week.. Next on Sucker TV.. a bunch of Nun's that.. ...attempt mass autofilatio... ..whatever the fuck that is..   
  
Anyways.. ...Golem then explained to mad jonesy that "autofilatio" means to blow ones self... ...speaking of blowing, next I will review "Deep Throat".....lets get back onto the story..   
  
BGY was going down to his local Video store to buy some videos, however he saw.. ...a train doing wild, crazy, lag induced flips and turns, going down Main Street, while the Big Guy was about to do something to the train, which was... ...ass fu... ..which is like Kung-Fu but involves all the muscles in the ass and those muscles only! Big Guy smashed into the train with his ass, causing a reactor breach on the train.. the train then.. ...made loud sounds which could only be stopped with "stopsound"...this however.. caused a new event to begin.. ...the detonation sequence of the Cobalt-Thorium G explosive devices... ...which is another way for BGY to masturbate. Meanwhile... ...BasicBeecicchi burned in the bowels of Hell... ...and while he was taking a nice bath, he wondered, is 2.0 really gonna revolutionize the scene in terms of blockers and such?   
  
and, AND!!,:   
  
how am i gonna get a clan with people that don't necessarily wanna follow the basic rules??  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the map... ...I was asking, why are packanimals and packanmalsv2 EXACTLY the same??... .."Because Burnout64 was lazy" piped up a happy little elf named scruffy.. ...Slate. "But why did he even release a second map? Just to be evil and make people wait 20 minutes to download it between map changes??" (Remembers downloading it on FUCK YOU server...:mad.. Becuase it was all part of an evil plot to... ...plant a mole within Quark Industries... and the mole was to then... ...take the elf out for a beer where they met an odd pair. The pair were doppler Sven and Jonesy. Jonesy' looks at the   
  
mole and asks, "... "Why are my underwear pink?" The mole replies..."My colleagues in the Legion think I'm unstable...but I'm not unstable...IT'S THIS HUMAN EMOTION GRID!!" Dr. Gilder proceeds to rip off the lab clothing and flesh off his body to reveal a titanium skeletal structure (think Terminator) and proceeds to attack the guy with the pink underwear, mistaking him for a one Dr. Axel Donovan, so, in defense, Sven Viking and Mad Jonesy... dip skoal and spit... then destroyer found the place and he saw what was happening... And before the spittal hits the ground(yea, there be a veritable glowing, glittering bridge of bio-lucent, bacterial laden, nicotine charged, vegitable produced, nearly sentient, and even partially digested cosmos of THE REALM of SPIT is born!!! Although local politics and scandals rapidly decayed THE REALM of SPIT in to the trash pit it is today... simply known as SPLAT. But that is another story...) ...Jon n Sven hop on a rusty bike and squeak away around a corner where can be seen in the dim emergency lighting... then someone new came in DESTROYER with a mp5 and 10 grenades attachedAnd while DES was positioning himself for major slaughter on the uglies, his MP5 takes on a life of its own. A decidely, politically correct AND liberal life of its own. First it(the MP5) polls the compliment of grenades for their opinion of the situation at hand. Secondly it polls the ammo(loaded and not)about its opinions of the approaching peril. Next it forms a commitee to debate all ramifications of, and resulting long term implications of all possible situational potentialities.   
  
Heh. The .357 takes one look at all this crap getting ready to start and says Fuck This Shit! and deploys some serious ass kicking on ... ...itself...it had backfired, causing it to explode.   
  
Meanwhile, a cry of "Not until I'm done dispensing full metal justice!" boomed through the street and a barrage of bullets erupted from the B.G.Y.-11's shoulder mounted rotary cannon...of course, the Big Guy was shooting at... ...people who are not reading this story... then they had a party! zombie party more or less ...complete with a car smashing into a wall and some crowbars... and the car exploded! ...and the wall broke and a horde of zombies appeared!... ... And the zombies started having a massive group orgy! then a pair of tongs, a dead goat, and a beach towel were found, covered in... ...a foul, sticky substance resembling... ...a gay monkey orgy in which... People were injured... ...and some killed. The monkey's then found a shipment of Viagra and... ...stuffed themselves silly with it... ... of course this made them bad monkeys and, again of course, they had to be spanked. But yet, there is a twist... a twist of fate really. Nature even, if your one to   
  
believe in such things... It seems that while the bad monkeys were being, err..., punished(so to speak) there seemed to be some sort of hangnail or perhaps rough and/or calused skin... Well, to shorten this by several days, the monkeys(all of them. Every last spankable one of them) contracted flesh eating bacteria and were utterly consumed.   
  
(Even the non-flesh bits had teeth marks!) So then a group of spankable mountain goats got into the Viagra and... well, let's just say what they did next should remain unsaid... Suddenly, a meteor crashed into the goats and killed them all. Then a secret door in the meteor opened and a chumtoad named Bitch hopped out with a leather suit, a whip, and a tattoo of a dragon across Bitches back. Then Bitch started to... ...strap on the most evil looking and wickedly enhanced... Over-Sized-Unmentionable-Death-o-matic-Super-k-Auto-Fire-Ultra-Watt Thingy... and proceded to... ...give Ed a very large amount of money, and a m36 mounted on a tank with time-machine capablities. Ed got a mission, and was still criticised for removing the freaky chumtoad from the tale before certain perverted individuals could enjoy themselves with it. In turn, after two hours of time travel, Ed reached his destination and concussed Gooseman with a big pointy stick.   
  
However, his plan turned awry, and instead of preventing CS, CS was instead created in such a way that it was incredibly unrealistc and had constant patches that never seemed to do anything. In shame, Ed turned to the wisdom of... ...Yo mama...who proceed to point to the direction of Yo papa. And while Yo papa continously explains why he is "yo daddy", you begin to head back into imaginary game of HL... DM...however, BGR and Hl are REAL LIFE!!  
  
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Do your feet itch? Burn? Feel like they are on fire?   
  
Our new product... elf be gone! no wait sorry itch be gone! no not the whip again! AGHHHHHHH!   
  
then chubby said... "Do not be afraid, for Ed is searching for some way to raise his level with pointless crap, and I shall..." "help..." "him..." "a..." "lot." Suddenly, and without warning, Mad Jonesy and the evil story Rangers advanced with large guns to stop Ed's insane scheme.   
  
Laughing manically, Ed launched himself from the story, concussing himself, and plunged down into the depths of the story Ghetto.. never to return (until his next event)... while on the show hilarty continued until the swat team arivved and there was a big fight between the sheep and the swat team... ...In which Prod, after taking 3 hours to read this from line one, proceeded to prod them into oblivion. Due to poor map constuction, oblivion was blackness off a 3 pixel aaatrigger object. This engaged a trigger_hurt which proceeded to gib BGY-11 and Arbon as they respawned. Meanwhile, as BasicBeeccichi was... Consuming mass amounts of headcrab chowder...   
  
(Before this gets to be something sick) but it was really clam chowder! then he said... "why... am i eating headcrab shit"Then the cow jumped over the moon, and due to bad mapping skills it fell out of the level. Suddenly... Nightline came on, and everyone sat down and started watching. Yes, everyone. But something was amiss... big bugger ups wrong stori sorry! then someone who couldnt type joined the conversation.....a line was made in the wrong story, while Sven, on his Holiday............. ...watching porn and rolling around in piles of money from donations, he... then using the skillz he learned from Da Kung Foo Chubby Masta, he jumped up and did a bicycle kick which plowed through everyone in the room then..... He jumped into the air, ripped of his shirt and began beating on his chest with a flaming salmon, only to discover... ...that the flaming salmon was really my reskinned AGrunt, seeking revenge for no apparent reason... ....other than to beat up Sven, hoping to...... Lock him away in his closet while he stares in awe at the porn sven was watching earlyer, when suddenly... ...Ed, who was fighting off the dark denizens of the story Ghetto with a XM 1014 in his claws, dropped the large weapon with a clang and used the agility that is an alien parasites birth-right, (along with the skill of hiding in dark vents and gnawing on peoples brains) to somersault onto the porn-infested machine and drag it off to a safe place to prevent young eyes from viewing it. He also savaged the AGrunt and borrowed the donation money for the same reasons.   
  
He stored it safely in his high-security vault, full of HL mods and hate-mail regarding his contreversial decision to temporarily give up trying to take over a human body in order to eventually become a Genome. He defended it night and day from all comers, deftly using the RPG in his razor-claws, when the entire Sven Co-op community stormed his fortress in order to regain the porn filled tv and the piles of donation money, led by Sven and the Flaming Salmon aka AGrunt. Seeing the might before him, Ed decided to watch the tv for a while and allow them to slaughter themselves while trying to enter his story Ghetto stronghold. As Ed laughed at getting one more crap into his level, the team... were stuffed..   
  
"hang on" Said the dashing story Admin Mad Jonesy, and reached for his 'admin spellbook of crack' and deleted story Ghetto. Ed then.. ...spontaniously combusted... ...was sucked into the great vortex of oblivion, yet deftly escaped the most awful death imaginable. Cursing the unpredictableness of his arch-nemesis (no. 35) Mad Jonesy, he set up camp in the outer reaches of Off-story, eating llamas and watching the tv, and sniping the team and the occasional passing blocker (by accident...ahem...) from a distance. He heard a noise uncomfortably close to him... [SUSPENSE MOMENT] and turned round in horror to see... ...BlackMage time travelling to send a message before him at the last minute... and then... ...Ed looked slightly insane... till he realised that there was a 9 year old boy called Commander Keen that kicked…him... into the great vortex of oblivion. Or at least tried to- his plan back fired when he slipped on a snark and had his leg blown off. Ed then threw the snotty kid into the vortex, where he was forgotten by the majority of the gaming community again. Still with the tv and money, in a greatly defended position, Ed invoked the dark rites of the story Ranger to gain the most powerful of their dark kind to ban the rest of the team... who where just about to play a nice game of golf with the Chubby`s. Well, Ed used his powers to get into some kind of thingy with many 1 and 0. It seems he`s been warped in the bytes of a SvenCoop server. So he pushed a button that caused an overflow to all players on the server. All player blamed Sven that the server overflowed, but Sven knows that Ed was responsible for this because he is Sven`s evil twin brother ! So Sven needed to kill him. So he played a game of Baldurs Gate and asked Minsc and Boo (the giant miniature space hamster) to join him on his quest. While getting out of the game to get back to the real world he found some wierd guy in a banana disguise and...... and took it off and it was this was al gore! saying "help me great soda god your my only hope"…...then minsc threw Boo at Al Gore, and while Boo was gouging out the soda fanatics eyes minsc bellowed "SWORD, MEET EVIL!!" and ran Gore through with his enomous broadsword.   
  
Much to the disapointment of all present, Gore was really an assasin in disguise to kill Sven, whom Ed had got to distract his pursuers... wondering how he could be Svens evil twin brother, the confused headcrab pondered his position as the mighty alliance of truth and justice (and minsc, of course)   
  
strolled on to confront him. Suddenly, and without warning, Ed heard noise coming from the corpse of Gore, and all four of them turned to see... ...absolutely nothing... ...Monica Lewinski coming out of him.. With her new book : Fuck or be Fucked : My relationship with Bill Clinton. After this wierd thing the battle goes on. And Minsc said : GO FOR THE EYES GO FOR THE EYES RHAAA !!!!.. He stormed at Ed, who just did a roll he once learned when he was playing Action HL beta 4. So Minsc missed him and ran trough Prince Charles who was playing golf behind them. Ed picks up his shotgun and begins to fire at Sven. Almost a bullet hit Sven but Boo was quick enough to do a Quake 1 rocketjump (that is not anymore possible in HL Deathmatch Classic for some reasoon )and bite into the bullet saving Sven. Then Ed trowed away his shotgun and wants to shoot some of his dark powers at Sven. He was just casting a PinkGreapfruitsplatter attack when the G-man teleported into the golffield. We all know Ed and G-man where no friend because they allways argue who`s the most evil. So the g-man came to kick Ed`s ass. With him Freeman and Shepherd he just hired. Ed turned his cast to Shepherd and shot it at him. GIB !   
  
Bye Shepherd. Now Gordon readies his Scientist cannon and hurled a Einstein at Ed. GIB ! Bye ed. Now the G-man kidnapped Sven and took him to his base, that started the SaveSven Trilogy [MADE BY NOMBLE (R). So a msg commes in... When Sven wakes up he found himself in a prison   
  
with THE EVIL G-MAN (scary sound!).   
  
-"Well, It`s looks ehh..(always making that noise) our guest woke up.." said   
  
THE EVIL G-MAN (another scary sound!)   
  
-"What do you want from me ? said Sven.   
  
-"I noticed ehh.. SvenCoop is the best HL mod there is, so you ehh.. must be very   
  
intelligent, ehh.. So I want your BRAIN (very scary sound!).   
  
-"WHAT ? MY BRAIN ? U NEVER GET IT BLOODSUCKER ! (Sven yelling)   
  
-"Yesss, ehh.. braintransplantation is a new technology, we need it to ehh.. test first.   
  
-"Test ?"   
  
-"Yess, some guy named ehh.. what was his name again ?"   
  
-"Sir, Freeman Sir!" said the grunt with one leg.   
  
-"ehh.. yess. Gordon Freeman..I remember. We didn`t need him after all.. I remember much   
  
about him... ehh. When he was still in that...   
  
- (Sven interrupting) "I was thinking this story was about me !?"   
  
-"ehh.. yesss Mr Viking. You still have ehh.. 4 hours left, use them wise.."   
  
The G-man leaves, and you are in prison with 2 guards. How to get out ? Very sneaky you   
  
steal the guards radio, and send a message to the SvenCoop HQ.   
  
At the SCHQ.   
  
Announcement systems boring voice : " Attention all players. Report to briefing NOW ! "   
  
After a while everybody is in the briefing room listening to Mr. Sniper.   
  
Sniper : "We got a message for 10 minutes ago.   
  
Otis : "Did the new Donuts arrive ?   
  
Sniper : "Do NOT panic everybody ! Sven has been kidnapped !   
  
(silence)   
  
Hezus : Sniper, you didn`t tell us everything did you ??!!  
  
Sniper : You are right there is a 2nd thing....   
  
Hezus : I knew it, TELL US !   
  
Sniper : Well,.yes.. there is no more coffee left..   
  
( PANIC, SCREAMING, YELLING, RUNNING AROUND )   
  
Sniper : Silence ! Sit down everybody. We must save Sven.   
  
Beetchy: ONLY IF HE BUYS NEW COFFEE !   
  
Sniper : Ok, ok, he will !   
  
Hezus : What are we waiting for ? Let`s go trough the teleporter !   
  
After a while all players are spawned outside the building where Sven is inprisoned. Everybody is holding their 9mmAR MP4, shotguns and crowbars.   
  
Hezus : Ok guys, let`s kick some G-mans ass !  
  
... far away, twitchy gibs were rolling around on the ground. With an unpleasant movement, the gibs leapt back together and reformed back in to Ed with a sqeulch, who thanked the dark powers for his ability to respawn in real life, thanks to collosal bribes to story Rangers and a large "donation" to Sven, back in the days when they were friendly, and knew nothing of the future...   
  
Disorientated, Ed soon realised that the group were aiming to save Sven and buy more coffee. Thankful that the team had forgotten about his borrowing of the donation money and the tv, Ed decided to disrupt the plans of his arch-nemesis (no. 5) G-man. He flogged RPGs and Gauss guns to the team for ridiculous prices, and an aging gonarch he added for good measure. As a special bonus, he lent them a garg he had stolen from Friendly Garg.   
  
Ed went back to alternatively watching the tv and spamming the "evil" G-man with e-mail threats to reveal his secret charity doantions if he didn't admit that Ed was far more evil than him (Ed being so evil that he even had Nihalinth twisted round his claw, although that bugger Freeman had killed it, and that fool Shepard had nuked the Geneworm ally. He KNEW they were in league with the G-man...) Meanwhile... BGY still remains missing in action.... ... which had NOTHING TO DO with the tripmines Ed put under his bed... *cough*......and now a word from our sponsers... ED'S BIG GUNS! BUY ED'S BIG GUNS! THEY ARE GUNS, WHICH ARE BIG! BIIIGGGGGG!   
  
Free Gonarch and Garg with every purchase!*   
  
Fully endorsed by the Sven-Donation Co.!**   
  
Gauss!   
  
Gluon!   
  
Nomad!   
  
RPG!   
  
MORE!   
  
*Offer subject to availability. Note that you will get your money back if you are eaten alive but will get no refund if some fool called Friendly Garg accuses you of having stolen Gargs...   
  
**But only for as long as the bloodsuckers get 99.9% of my profits.   
  
...and now back to our regularly scheduled program... While the player where looking for Sven in SaveSven1 they finaly found the hidden sewer acces in the g-man room. When they want to swim out to the end of the level a blocker (Homer) blocked the exit to Svens prison. So they all drowned. After respawning and drowning a time or 20, the blocker had an overflow because Sven had put a tripmine in the prisondoor to block it. The players busted their way trough the military outpost. And saw that Sven was captured by the BackStreetGargs (BSG). The players all hated those garggroups so they all got mad. Then they kicked against the wall and exited the level to teleport to the alien mothership in SaveSven2 (made by Nomble)   
  
Meanwhile... ...top secret research into the super-weapon capable of killing the G-man... and makeing his corpse smell like cheese, meanwhile in Batman's Batcave... ...Robin had just been eaten by Goliath Bird-Eating Spider... That has been summoned by Prickass... Captian Janeway, who used here starship to ram Bill Clinton's... wife! Who, as a result, campaigned to get the Star Trek franchise declared illegal. Meanwhile, Sven was still in the clutches of G-man... who threatened to tickle his feat untill sven said when 2.0 is coming outluckly sven pulled out his trusty swiss-army uzi and.... ...spontaniously combusted... which spewed blood in g-mans eye, which caused him to..... grab sven very tightly by the.... COCK....A-DOODLE-DOO went the turky near them. G-man grabbed svens arm trying to put a pressure point on his neck. Sven then took his wallet out, and gave g-man a bullfrog (open waller and whip someone, hurts)right across the face which caused him to whimper like a school girl. He quickly gained strenght back and.... proceded to pull down his trousers and.... Sampson jumps into the scene. Sampson grabs g-man by the neck and attempts to snap it but was elbowed in the face. Sven then pulls up his pants and kicks g-man, sampson jumps above him but g-man did a dirty move and kicked him in nuts, sampson is down. Sven then did an elbow drop to g-man and broke his nose. Sampson eventually gets up but g-man whips out a button from his pocket. He presses it and many grunts come. Sampson ducked to the ground when he saw a grenade fly over him, and fell through the ground, IT WAS A FUNC_BREAKABLE. Sampson falls down a very large tunnel and sven jumps down following hoping it would lead to safety.......... unfortuanately they are being followed down by the g-man and his army of grunts. suddenly they get to the end of the tunnel falling out of the ceiling of a wide open room. only to find that they have made a splash landing in a oversized toilet, luckily then manage to climb on to a strange brown floating log but..... ...it isnt long before the g-man and his grunts come falling in to the ovesized dunny, suddenley up swims the graffinator and shows sven a pipe that leads to safety, they dive down and swim but............ ... a Garg smashed down the wall. The gunkish liquid flowed through the collosal hole, and the Grunts wasted thousands of rounds of ammunition on the blue monstrosity, despite the creature obviously being bullet proof. The original rescue team leapt through to aid Sven, but the G-man pulled out something from his belt, and pointed it at Svens temple. He was shocked to find it was a snark Ed had planted there, long ago, in replacement of his Desert Eagle, and squealed like a little girl when it blew up in excitement... doing no harm to Mr. Invulnrable (TM), but being so close to Sven, it ended up... Melting Sven's head, fortuately, the Sven the G-man had hostage was just a replicant, one of many after the real Sven was nearly assasinated by a Pizza Delivery Boy who was really.. The sheep straight from svencooprpg2! Bleating in terror, the sheep tried to run away, but could not, since it had no walking animations! Forced to stand there, bobbing its head up and down into the pizza, it was annihilated in a storm of G-Man's power! So a tiny worm appeared, and he had a supersheep that blew up the base. Then all players headed back to the HQ where they finaly could get their coffee and a donut for the fat Otis... Now 20 years ago.. They remembered walkin down the beach with the music playing in backround. When sundenly they walked through an invisible trigger_once which spawned a bigmomma which..... ... ran along the sidewalk and stepped on my ex-girlfriend's cat, the big momma then ... started to scream at some boys that was throwing stone at... .... a "peace through zombification" Pro-crab Inc. Sign. It then gored the boys to death, and used their blood and that of the cats to daub "GONARCH! NOT BIG MOMMA, DAMN THE SNIDE REMARKS OF YOU HUMAN SCUM!!!" on a nearby wall, and proceeded to kill more people. Soon, in a place far or not so far away... ... a person wrote a story based off loose sentences and various ideas. The story made no sense but they still loved it. Meanwhile ... ....music came from the heavens! Then the mighty Sankis appeared. "WHO SUMMONED ME?" Belowed the mighty avatar.   
  
"I did!" Retorted Ed. "Now give me Sven's donation money!"   
  
"NO." And Sankis didn't.   
  
"Bugger," said Ed, and went back to hitting scientists. Meanwhile... Hezus was copying all Halflife updates with a serial cable from his PIII 667 to his P200 MMX. That took a while so he decided to play some strippoker with the girls next door. Every thing was fine because he was winning and he was surrounded by nacked girls. Till the girls find out Hezus had a BIG hardon and they…...turned into vicious Snarks and Evil Gargs. They kinda scorched the heck outta him, but Hezus respawns, like everyone else here. Hezus was glad too, because his respawn caught a glitch and he came back as the evil lord of Terror himself. Diablo. Hezus was met by an unknown necromancer of level 25. He fought with all his might but lost to the necromancer, now known as Sir Malek-SR. However, Black-Mage saw this powerful Necromancer and decided that ... ....he should ask if he is free next saturday. but he was to scared to even walk, becurse he saw a little... ...Atomic Cataclysm (R) Super-Bomb lying just beside.... one of the cookies my aunt baked... But then he saw his aunt.. And she magicly turned into a...........big pile of shit ...   
  
And she was laughing the shit out of here fat ass. So she decided to watch Scary Movie again. After that she went to the... Xen world and put on her HEV suit, after that she met a friendly garg that... asked her if she was "newbie" then.… She got pissed off and blocked the way. The Garg didn't like this and started.. to flame her, after 10min a big missle came down and hited the garg, this making the garg blow up, then a.... ...a FAS missile loaded down with cluster-pods full of Atomic Cataclysm (R) Super-Bomb's fired into the area, destroying the universe. The only survivors decided to remake the universe once more, so they...* found a missing ship named "Titan A.E" in some ice crystal nest, they flied away in hyperspace to... A new world called: Garga-untua 11th, after they landed on this planet they... was searching for a good power source, (It takes alot of energy to rebuild the universe!) they came to a...... Building that was surrounded with 100s of gargs. The survivors who landed on the planet (Mr. Nomble, Friendly Garg and Dr. Edcrab) called for reinforcements and 100s of big momma's respawned. After that the big momma's... was raped till death, Dr.edcrab made a turret of trees, Mr.Nomble Used that turret to fire old coka bottles, the coke made a sideeffect on the gargs, the gargs.. Turned into friendly gargs and...before it ..goes to the big server in the sky, then used its flame attack on.. they entered the building. They found 2 other survivors. It where Hezus and Seraphim.   
  
They moves on with 5 survivors to find the SC office to end version 2.0. They walked and walked till... Mad Jonesy, and 5 mins later he respawned with a bazooka and grenades and start attacking the friendly garg's!!!   
  
Sven didn't like this and... ...banned everyone foreva. (The End?) ...BUT THEN! Maybe we can find some in.. uranus…Which was in a bannna(banana,Must be) made of solid GOLD...... if you look at it, your ping is up to 800. and you cant say anything, and when you move you move like 5miles be4 you stop, this is not a problem, the real problem is that... They had an infestation of snarks which had been trained in the art of unarmed combat and Explosives handling and were hiding out underneath the floor boards so they.... .. piece (toghter) Sven Co-op merchendise, along with Chubby Backpacks and Nikki Blanco executive stress toys, the store ("The Sven Store") is located in.. Ed's fortress of darkness. MWHAHAHAHAHA.   
  
Shoot Nikki for only 5 quid! Win his eyeball if you get a direct hit.   
  
"It's not insane" replied the giant pink rabbit.   
  
"I agree wholeheartedly" said the wardrobe.   
  
"RABBIT DARK MAN" Said Mad Jonesy.   
  
Then Ed replied with... "To spam, or not to spam... , and be hated, or don't." Hmmm, He thought, I shall ask the great and mighty Black White Long Short Bright Dark Clever Stupid Fast Slow Hot Cold Nice Nasty Microscopic Gargantuan Rabbit for advice.   
  
And the Black White Long Short Bright Dark Clever Stupid Fast Slow Hot Cold Nice Nasty Microscopic Gargantuan Rabbit said... "Go ask Mad Jonesy or Sven. The story is now nonsensial. Make it make sense, but beware, for I shall combat it."   
  
Ed: Ok... They reached the tower...   
  
R: which collapsed in a pile of bananas.   
  
Ed: Which they realised where just hallucinatoins brought on by...   
  
R: The lap dancers mushrooms in Iceland.   
  
Ed: Which.. er... was also a hallucination.   
  
R: Which was induced by the walking pencil of Maakaduiomnaefk...   
  
Ed: *gags Rabbit*   
  
R: MMff.   
  
Ed: HELP! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE! OR AT LEAST MAKE A FUNNY FINAL STORY! WHICH INCLUDES ME! ..Edcrab then gets gets banned.. but then given a respite aslong as he doesn't spam any more on this shit that`s it said the mighty Black White Long Short Bright Dark Clever Stupid Fast Slow Hot Cold Nice Nasty Microscopic Gargantuan Rabbit braking free from Ed`s grasp now now don`t do anything u`ll regret ed replied when da rabbit dropped a few satchels on he ground and stood on then "i`am gonno do it don`t come any closer" ED: now now jus calm down . Rabbit:soz but now it`s over (jus about to click da button ) WHEN *the hole damn thing spins into a slow motion scene* AND ed runs and jumps towards da satchels shouting NOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOooooOoOoOoOoOoooooooo ect, ect,and manages to kik them away when they go off not harming the rabbit, *everything spins back into normal motion but still have a bit of motion sickness from all this time swapping about* as ed picks himself up the rabbits eyes turn red then purple and yellow and all sorts of diffrent colours and ed nearly has an epileptic fit the rabbits contact lens falls out to show BLOOOD red eyes ohh sCaRy!! and pounces at ed to knock em over and......(fight scene anyone) they decide to break into a girlie handbag fight instead.. Wow! I'm port 999 =P Sorry.. Just had to.. =)..thats when it happened, for contained inside one of the handbags was 2.0's source code, as well as Another1, the crazy little coding dude had managed to bundle himself into the handbag along with the source and a highly reactive lump of antimatter for no reason other than to provide a plot device..   
  
In the other handbag, was Sven, wrapped around the nice warmness that was a Uranium 235 rod. Also located in the handbag was the multi-million Paypal account information, held firmly in Svens hand(any suggestions to what his other hand were doing is just going too far guys).   
  
Everyone began to gather round, and what the hell, all the leprechauns, Chubby, Tor and the rest of the supporting Cast.   
  
What they thought they were seeing was a girlie Handbag fight, what they really were seeing was a highly destructive chain Reaction waiting to happen..   
  
The Black White Long Short Bright Dark Clever Stupid Fast Slow Hot Cold Nice Nasty Microscopic Gargantuan Rabbit swung at Edcrab with his handbag   
  
"You bitch!"   
  
Edcrab swung at the bunny wabbit..   
  
"Whore!"   
  
The handbags collided in midair..   
  
"You dress like a tart!"   
  
"Slut!"   
  
The handbags split and Another1 and Sven fell out, Another1 with his source, Sven with his account information.   
  
"Hey! I want that!" they both chanted in unison, Sven made a grab for the source, another1 for the account info, unfortuately their sudden movements dislodged the Uranium and the antimatter, sending them flinging towards each other in midair   
  
"Your mom is such a..."   
  
Edcrab never had a chance to finish his sentence.   
  
BOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!   
  
and alas, that is how it all ended, not because anyone actually got hurt by that explosion, but because I said so. J  
  
Tell a story 4!11 


	4. Part 4

Lets start a new story shall we?  
  
Today Gordon Freeman faces his biggest threat yet, he has to... ...fix a cloged toilet, that was filled with... crawl through vents, kill aliens who get in his way and avoid the military clean up squads throughout Black Mesa. Next, he... (Uh oh, first sentences and its allready messed up! Hehe) ...BGY-11's plastic turd army that was attempting to... ...secretly program everyone's TV to tune to "Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot" every time it aired. But Gordon had a plan! He... decided to sneak through the venting system with a handgun and flamethrower. When he got out he disabled the security grid and went wild with his pistol and flamethrower. He then... ....armed his rocket launcher he had secretly hidden in his.... ...portable toilet, which he pulled along using the alien limb he ripped from... backpack. He aimed it at the mainframe and pulled the trigger. The computers went up in flames as it explodes, sending metal, computer components and glass everywhere.. Now.. .. he has a shard of glass stuck in his eye, which is better than having one in his... ass... He pulls the shard out and heads towards the entrance but before turning the corner he peeks and sees G-man and a few of his Grunt buddies. He takes out a hand grenade he found, he pulls the pin and flings the grenade, hitting G-man in the back. Moments later before the grunts and gman can take cover, it explodes, killing all 3 of them.. ...and only slightly agitating the g-man, who whips out his colt 45 and ..... ... goes balistic and shoots everything in site, includeing endangered and protected specices of rocks and cacti. He was then imedieatly sent to jail where he found a rather large... ... crowbar... ... being thrust at him by ... .... by "Tiny", The g-mans ass-mate for the past 6 months who is also his... ... who is also his Real-Estate manager. "Did you land that contract I wanted," asked g-man.   
  
"Yeah it's in the bag," replied the manager who's 'real' name was ... Gordon Freeman. This confused our dumbfounded hero he then... ... he then decided to ditch g-man for Gina and live in the house he just bought.   
  
Then one night Mr. Calhoun came over and they got to reminiscing about ... remnicing about how much valve made money out of their name. Angry, they decided to... Add a shitty mod to the next HL patch about... sven coop 2.0!! the whole community is so happy that they... shot and killed local law enforcement agents after that they... Went out for a drink with Jonesy in celebration of the new story All of a sudden... fighting in the Middle East broke into an all out war, the government, which were too lazy to do anything themselves, contacted Sven Coop Special Forces or |[SCSP]| and ordered them to disable a... gigantic nuke, that was times to detonate when Sven opens his e-mail box, so….They all went to Canada! and there they ... went to greet c00leyo who lives in Canada. Soon they discovered his madness about having a SC 2.0 fgd out so he could map and make custom monsters, so they went back to their world domination HQ. ... back at the WDHQ the crisis monitor comes on! Gordon, Gina, and cooleyo saw that they had to save the world from ... Ronald McDonald.... who has an enlarged.... ... throbing red... ...foot.... ... which the "G-Team" promptly went to the scene to put some anti-enlargened-throbing-red-foot creme on it.   
  
The day was saved. The, world, was saved.   
  
THE END   
  
... that sucked! Throught Gordon as he left the theater, throwing his popcorn at the wall "well you didn't expect them to make an entirely great movie portraying us, did you Gordy?   
  
The Gman said in hopes of cheering up his spirit.   
  
Whilst leaveing the theater, Gordon then removed a small metal canister from one of his HEV suit pockets and took a swig from his Brandy.   
  
"I really wish you wouldn't do that.." The Gman said with distaste.   
  
"Oh relax, live a little, you only live forever."   
  
"I guess so..." The gman said as they began to drive off into the sunset, running over many perestrians on their way into the molten sun.   
  
Where they drove into the sun. And burned. Alive. Then. They died.   
  
... meanwhile back at the labs, Walter had just conducted the most pecular experiment on his... ..penis... "Very good Nomble!" Walter exclaimed the the class.   
  
Now, how much does a 200lb Chub Toad wiegh?   
  
(Narator: Realizeing the ultimatly stupidness of his question immediatly after ward, he proptly vansished from existence and was as well proptly replaced with a vase of petunia's, which only thoughts were "Oh no, not again.")   
  
Keen then ran into the room screaming that his penis hurt, saw that Walter was gone, and fainted instantly. Then soon after, a rather large metal box appeared in the room. Nomble proptly opened it only to find... ..shit... from pancake anihilation!!!   
  
So they hopped into their interstellar ...(name of a hyper-mega- cool vehicle?) And they drove, to the nearest supermarket and... ...they bought some spinach!!  
  
Which they ate joyfully until they felt sick. Then, they... ... then they got back into their interstellar 'Pinto' and decded to go to the GalaticMegaplex. Gordon had seen Jurrasic Park III already so he didn't want to see it again. So Gina and Gordon decided on Planet Of The Apes.   
  
There they took their seats. Out of respect for the manager (they were good friends with) they stayed through the whole pos movie. Leaving the movie Gina tunrs to Gordon and says, "Why don't we find Tim Burton's address and ..." ...And Slap him with a trout for stealing the ending of planet of the apes from the guy who stars in Jay and silent bob. But then a red Poershe(?) filled with female assassins wearing skin tight leather pulled up next to them and.... ... and asked them for directions to Black Mesa. The scientists there had invited them to ... ... the "thank god Walters vanished from existence and been replaced with a vase of petunias" ball room party. They then went to the party and were aproached by n oblonged... GMAN.... 's cousin ... Dr. checkonthepoints, he stepped into the room and said.. ... "Gordon Feeman in the flesh. Pay up!" The cousin said as he stood there tappign his foot...   
  
Gordon promptly emptyed his pockets to the floor, reveiling much change, a 20, and a rolled up paper that looked like..   
  
"OMG IS THAT A DEWBIE IM GONNA CALL THE COPS ON J00! P3WNS!" The cousin said as he ran down the hall.   
  
"Shiiiit..." Gordon said aloud as he ran down the hall after him in hope of whacking him in the head with his crowbar, but suddenly a very attractive woman caught his eye, she walked up to him and said... ..."Hey good lookin. Is that a crowbar in your H.E.V. Or ya just glad to see me.". She promptly took freeman into a clostet and slowly unziped her dress, and to gordon's suprize... she had a.... ...big errected penis and she got more chesthair than Austin Powers!   
  
Freeman feared for his life and grabbed a headcrab and quickly placed it over the thingey and rushed out.   
  
Inside the closet he heard her scream as the organ turned into a zombie "snake" swallowed her alive! Unfortinuatly... ...the chesthair and penis detached themselve from her remains and *slinked* off down the vast corridors of BMRF where they would lie in wait for hapless scientists so they could... ... so they could find a cure for the endless amounts of teenage hormones that are ... ...running through grimwall's he-bitch loving..... he whipped out his mobile phone and shouted "Mr wizard Get Me The hell Out Aa here!!" then he suddelnly got transformated into the real world and had a couple more drinks than he should and started chatting up trinity and said...... Nothing but vomited repeatally over her! untill..... ... KRITTER SAID " Damn it man ya messed up the story line".... ... and they all said "F*ck it!" and all jacked back into the fake-world with the *slinking* dick and chesthair down the hall at .2MPH *slinking* after scientists, as well with the shemale zombie in the closet.   
  
By this time Gordon has forgot about Gmans Cousin and the cops came and threw them all into deep space for 29 seconds till they were picked up by a ship. Then suddenly... Barney Calhoun came and scream "Why dont you have me in these storys!?" Gordon then pressed..... ... pressed [how the hell am I sposed to use that?]   
  
... (quickly changed verb to) Gordon said, "Damnit I feel like we're ripping some story about a golden shoe shaped ..." "... like a lobster in a pot of..." pure liquid steel incased under 50000000000 tones of concrete having already been eaten by a garg which was in cyrogenic freezing so he...... ... so the garg (he?) continued to be frozen. Then the Mighty Avatar of War, Immortal Sankis appeared... and pushed his use key on the button that unfroze the garg. The garg jumped up into the air and the "loading..." text appeared on the screen... (damn loading text.....) ... and their horrible fate came into perspective. The 'nextmap' was Crisis2 and they could tell that the button spamer from stadium had other ideas for the tram ... As the buttonspammer from stadium hops onto the tram, the disco lights start to flash and the Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive begins to play... ... suddently the Village people jumped on the tram which stoped over the goo pit and ass-raped the blocker to death. Everybody cheered them.   
  
As the level continued... The loader robot was seen picking up the dead body from the radioactive goo and Gman began to clean up the subsequential ass-rape-mess and stored the unknown liquids into test tubes and put the test tubes in his briefcase mumbling something like "i'l need this later." After that bit, the tram continued on to the section of where all the monsters are guzzleing Black Mesa-Cola when... ... All of a sudden a gigantic dick killed them! When they were all dead gordan jumped out and tackled the Giant Dick.   
  
He figured out it was just Dick Chaney but gordon still shot Dick in the face with a LAW Rocket, then... Gordon realized that in svencoop ther isn't a LAW rocket because thats in the Bill Clintion Mod where the LAW rocket is clintion's worst nightmare. Anywho, Gordon mistakes dick chaney for a dead monster and tries to gib him. But dick dies and begins to fade away before he could. But then, out of the soda machine next to him... a big, big,big,big...... 700 page Calculs 2 book! Gordon then... screamed, "Fire in the hole!", the grenade landed on the ground, making a gigantic explosion, making the floor break and fall down, in the hole, gordon saw a...... a very, VERY annoying BLOCKER, who... had chosen the Homer model ... and he was blocking in crisis2, lucky (from the song lucky) came to save the day, she.... Bit that bastard homer blocker in the neck, severing his\her\both's jugular vein and overflowed from the server due to the extremely high blood decal count. Lucky then leaft the server by... ...banning.... everybody, and when she was alone, she left and..... ...Cried by night , until James Hetfield arrived in his sweetass camaro and screamed "Oi Oi Oi Oi Oi Oi".   
  
Lucky felt happy and unbanned everybody and now everybody is happy.   
  
But... ..grimwall, the masterclimber, is still out there, hunting small dogs on the streets, lucky then..... turned off the TV, because the masterclimber is a fkd up show. So she tuned on FOX, and guess what she saw? A really, really.... ... realy really good episode of the simpsons the first ever episode so she watched it and after the show she then.... joined a server with the lame, homer model, everybody got so pissed off, and banned lucky forever!" Lucky then...tried to post a message, but the story was to slow, lucky then.... went on a killing spree because of that damn casino music. After killing all the advertising men and making the world a better place she then went on mrmagics server and she saw.... that, all the maps have been changed to undeath, this lagging the players to the extrem, after 4hours crowbar killing, and zombie death, the map changed to..dogs2, and with a garg killing everyone at respawn, and alot of people just walking slow in the vents, the map finally changed to... .... opsprey were after 3 mins of me banna bombing the plane to its deathleaving everyone on the server including lucky to wait for another 27 mins during this time lucky succumbed to boredom and join the dark side she then got some tripmines and..... blocked the ammo room! Then the map changed to, crisis2 and lucky then killed barney and blocked barney room, this making all player so mad at lucky that... ... (this this is wrong)put them on the other side of the egon pit. Sucessfully completing the manuver she called 'Stops people from getting the egon who don't have a fire or altfire button bound.' ... this making a line that has nothing to do with the story... but the story goes on..Mattamue that said a thing that was wrong then... bound "giant urinal with wings bust out from underground action" she pressed it and a giant urinal with wings busted out from underground and then it... flied away, and hited one of those star trek members, after a long.... ...lecture about why ppl should stop pissing on it, then... nomble feelt tired, and went back to bed... you could hear a load ZzzzZzZzzzzzzzzZZ, then for some reson Undeadenemy came and...... ...threw Nomble into a burning pit of fire from which he could never retrun no matter what and Undeadenemy knew it was the real Nomble because he used a super dupoer machine that told him so. The Machine also made Undeadenemy invicible for the rest of the story. However Black_Ops came to Undeadenemy carrying a piece of cyrptonite thus makeing Undeadenemy no longer invincible mwhahahahahhaha Black_Ops screeched. He then broke the all knowing machine useing a certaian fruit bassed weapon and retried noble from the burning pits of hell despite the fact thats its not suposed to be posible. Nomble and i then went and attacked Undeadenemy by....... ...ending this war through suicide. When all 3 finnaly STFU the "story" continued.   
  
Gordon arrived home after his most recent adventure only to find the woman with a dick and more chest hair than austin powers.... Then Kritter remembered that the chesthair was *Slinking* around the BMRF halls and so was the zombie dick. The woman formally known as the-woman-with-a-dick-and-more-chest-hair-than-austin-powers.... used Hairclub for Men's hair growing gel and took over the room with the anti-mass-pectromiter thingie that fucked up gordon's life. Forever to be entoombed in that room was Too Much Coffie Man because bob-o-couldn't-think-of-anything-else-at-the-time-while-playing-on-his-server... Anywho, Back to gordon. Gordon was... .....was drunk he got depressed so he drank 13 beers. So as he bagan to stumbloe accross the BMRF halls he stumbled into..... A burning pit, where nomble is, And he had his! Soulstone, now hes powerful, hes gona find his brother, Greys, who been bound with his soulstone in the great desert, now undeadenemy pissed his pants and shit him self, when the great Wizard Nomble, The Lord of Gaming, raised up and.... and... slaped Sven until he revaeled the secret of his plan for after sven coop v 2 and low and behold this secret was... that Black_ops cant find a name without any relation with opposing force, black_ops then... ....then finished playing oppsoing force for the 100th time and suggested that maybe nomble might like my alternte name, Valkeryie, and the i proceeded to... talk with nomble, but nomble dident like that name and scream, CHANGE YOUR NAME! black_ops then... ...then proceded to get angry Black_Ops said " I dont like the name valkyrie alll that much i only use it in emergencys and i can only spell it right once every ten attempts. Then sven came over and..... ...Saw that one man was blocking his path to utter victory, Ryu...from Street Fighter fame.   
  
--------------------------   
  
Ryu stood before his opponent with his fists held up. The man stared him down with his cold dead eyes as he waited patiently.   
  
Desperation gripped his soul as he watched the figure stand firmly in place, never wavering, never moving, not even breathing as he awaited the battle.   
  
"What do you want with me?" he screamed as fear clenched his heart. "Who are you?"   
  
The man stayed motionless, but it could not be a man, no matter what his eyes told him the pure power alone was far too much for any man to hold.   
  
The thing's lips curled slightly in what could have been a smile, or just as easily a snarl. "I am power made flesh," was its only reply.   
  
Ryu felt the wind blow as the storm came, the tall grass blew against the wind while he stood unmoving, waiting.   
  
Without warning the monster in front of him placed its foot out and raised its fists.   
  
He felt the fear wash away only to be replaced by anticipation, the perfect battle had found him at last, not even Sven himself could withstand its sheer power. ....however the message from jonesy was important. the war against blockers was being won by the blockers all the antiblocker measures in version 2 were being abused by blockers. they were kicking people of server left right and centre but the blcokers were coming out on top...... of the stony field, after that black_ops changed his face, everybody screamed.... BENDER!!!!! (hows everyone like my new face(credit goes to bb for making me it)), suddenly nicky blanco entered the server and i precedded to whoop him by... ... calling the big red Cool-Aid man, who decided that he would rather kick Black_Ops butt instead... Undeadenemy released Nomble from his firey pit and Nomble went pysco on Nikki Blanko and threw him into the pit of fire for all enternity and there was much rejoicing. Until... ... somebody used the old "there's something on your shirt" line and flicked someone elses nose... ...clean off and then... ... it grew legs and ran off, so they had a runny nose (add rimshot here)... ... The Nose, dick, and Chesthair suddently came upon each other. Stairing at eachother, suddently a flash of light engoulphed the 3. When the light faded the dick, nose, and chesthair were combined into a runny, hairy dick the size of a person. It slinked down the halls and found gordon and... ... was instantly named Kritter, meanwhile... A Monkey, bot named, Xerono-C1, had plans to destroy the world, but..... ... he had to edit his skill.cfg file so he could be smarter. Then he.. Met a Friendly Garg who... eats shit... and he sat and ate his shit, until a.... ... scientist named Walter wanted to research the Garg... but the garg still ate shit, all day long.... ... which was fortunate for Friendly Garg because the days on Xen are only .05 seconds long and the nights are 23hrs 59mins and 59.95seconds long.   
  
Which makes for an interesting nightlife, that's why Gordon always invites Gina to go there for dinner at this little restaurant called ... "I-Some-Ass-Tonight Cafe" the cafe however was destroyed during the battle for Xen by a stray... ...turd. That.... ... ran back to the clogged toilet that was mentioned at the begining of the story ... ... where it was much happer, at the begining of the story, because that was before all the talk about penis and he-males and ... ... (he-males lol) nomble in a firey pit. But soon the turd got unhappy in its bowl, longing for the nice warm colon it once knew. So it packed its bags and..... ate some shit..... ... and then realized that it was eating it's friends and relatives, and killed Nomble for making it eat them. After that was done, it decided it didn't want to be a part of the story anymore, so it left. Then Barney the Security Guard ... waves at a girl and then... ...tripes and falls into a hole that take him all the way to the Doom/Quake universe (yes they are interconnected) along with Gordon, Adrian, G-Man, and Undeadenemy. (imagine the damage all of them put together could do, maybe I shouldn't be hangin with them in an already fucked-up place) After landing in the crazied hellhole Undeadenemy calls to his friends for help so they come in and attack the devil itself. During the attack... The moon man, ate some shit...... ... and they decided to all grab rocket launchers and try this "rocket jump" that they had heard so much about. The resulting explosion ... ... made shit ... ..so, they ate some shit..... then the devil himself joined in eating shit, it ate so much shit that it passed out dead and the game ended. They all then sat there for several hours cycling through the names and pictures of all the monsters in the game until... a dog, ate some shit..... And then a garg flamed the dog! The garg decided to flame Nomble to for making several shit lines.   
  
After that, the garg... sat down and ate some shit.... ... But it was a dream, so he didn't ate shit! After this nightmare, the garg... he started to eat shit again! ... Then the garg woke up, it was another dream! After this, the garg... started to drink his urine..... And then he met a girlgarg called gargy-gella.   
  
She, also liked to drink his urine.   
  
After this, they started to (---)   
  
and 16 months later they got an baby garg called Garg-Baby!   
  
Garg-Baby went the Xen shop, but there he met gordon.   
  
The Garga-Baby got 2 banana bombs on his face and.. And they all had some joint and they had a great time, drinking urine...... THEN THEY ALL DIED!!! The end of the garg family.   
  
Then suddenly, a new story started:   
  
One day, on Xen.. where all the aliens live... Alot of HEV people was researching and building some sort of radar crystals, It looked like the humans was building some sort of signal towers, The leader of XEN ordered a total invasion on earth, They sended a crystal to earth, The same materials that the humans used to build siglan towers with, The crystal was a bomb, when the beam hits it, the invasion will start, only.......... Mister Freeman could save them, so he started... at the Black Mesa Research Facility in nevada Desert. He came late to work, whne he puted the sample, hell breaks lose, the invasion has started, The HEV people back in XEN notice an hostile behavor in the aliens, whne they were nere them, they tryied to hit them, The humans dident had any weapons, and those who had, died first One by one died, until every human soul on XEN where dead. On earth, humans was killed every second that passed, Gordon, crawl out of the labs fighting his way to the surface, only notice hostile military troops, send in to kill all who......... Are able to touch there nose with their tongue and create the ultimate crisp with a GoldFish a Wooden Spoon and a Russian Helicopter so the troops killed no one apart from chubby and then they all sat down to..... And they all went back to highschool and took some joint and got a job, the job was.... Yes shit eater. No i mean, Police, and they all took a job in the Black Mesa..... ... and died of the BM incident.. later, the grunts... had problem with, a story writer named Nomble, they banned him and pissed on him 200times, now end of story blah blah blah! A Choco Leibniz came and talked to the admin, to take away Headcrab fodder from Nomble, the admins answerd..... For GOD SAKE GIVE ME BACK MY MOUSTACHE AHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHH MY BEARDS ON FIRE!!!!!!! so then he.... ...fired a gun into a wall which open a temporal flux thingamaduge that caused the old story to come back agian. The toliet had once agian overflowed and everyone had no choice but to fight for their lives because they had consumed all the shit in the universe. So they had to fight agianst the evil army of tthe... shitbags........ ....The shitbags unleashed a huge nuclear shit bomb that could...... SHIT, SHIT AND URINE..... The shit bomb exploded covering the earth with seas ou piss and garg shit. then the story got locked in Death Row. but got brought back and another war started, however all shit and piss in the universe had disapeared forever and could not come back no matter what. So they all decided to go on the Jerry Springer show. Today on the Jerry Springer show they will be talking about... ....insect fecees and the garg that loves them.....   
  
cooleyo, shit is a part of life. Its not that disgusting... of course i wouldent condone playing with it or eating it. The real reason we think is discusting is because were programed that way. If our ancestors didnt have this built-in hatrid for their own crap and that of other creatures, they would have ate it, no questions asked. So our disgust for crap was inheritied from our ancient ancestors. So thats why all of us (cept for some asians, no offense) who would not touch it or eat it(damn thos sick bastards who do... u know who you are... your japaneese... right? ha i knew it). Then all the sudden, some NEWBIESSSSSS blow up the nuke, and everyone died....... ... then right after everyone died they all tried to respawn at the same time. The telefragging went on until ... 100s of gargs came and... teleported out, the teleporting offered an extra spawn point or 2 so they all used it to come back. THey went to Svencoop1 and tried to go through the teleporter, but they all got stuck because somone decided not to implement telefrag on teleporters to solve this they... They sat on the "Love Seat" watched *ATEAM* and ate some meatloaf. then they got sucked into the world of the A-Team where they... ... lived in constant fear of Mister T's volent mood swings brought on by his recent break-up with Nomble. Apparently Nomble wasn't giving him enough ... then the admins called Nomble an old dog.... but... he was really and old cat! and then dr.seus said... Nomble isnet a cat or a dog, hes human for gods sake! all teh sudden nomble got BANNED from the story for opening his mouth........"again" Then the ban code suddnely got changed into the anti-blocker code (By Accident) and then nomble got lightly roasted over a fire then put on an island with caniballs and all he has to eat is 4 litires of tomato sauce and chubby bug food stuff but then suddenly and without warning he went bald and the island suddenly..... Became a large pile of............ marshmellows then the island in its new form went to assault the city of... Dacula where it went 2 Hamilton Mill And Undeadenemyt.And in no way no how can Spawn of Satan die. then Undeadenemy respawned and killed the beast then chucked SpawnOfSatan into the firy pit where he had thrown Nomble. No matter what, SpawnOfSatan could never come back from the pit unless Undeadenemy says so. So now happy of SpawnOfSatans death all the players went on to... Finish off Undeadenemy and 2 casturate him.After all of that The other players Broke the portal to the fireie pit and released Spawn of Satan 4 eva!!!!!!!!!!! Meanwhile, back in real life, Secret-Agent used to remember the good times on the original "Story' . But as he is remembering, tor stabs him in the back with his tentacles. Chubby sees this and attacks tor with his... ...Pikachu... .....disembobulator... which is unknown word for nomble, and the Admins again banned Nomble for opening his mouth.......... Then the admins again called nomble an old Dog, and banned him, over and over again, until Nomble got tired of being under ban siege, so he went to a server and got vote banned, after this Nomble got him self toghter and ran to the store for changing game from half-life to another, becurse half-life had made Nombles life bad and boring, so he went to the shop and buyed, yes thats right, Max Payne. When he played it, the Svencoop admins spammed him with mails, for no reson and Nomble went to bed and sleeped, becurse the day has been an nightmare, good night............. And when he was sleeping he had the nightmare of not being able to use bullet time in Max Payne, thus he never beat it, and so Nomble died in his sleep..... woops! Wrong text, heh.. Nomble did not die in his sleep, But When he woke up, his mail box was 3442unread mails, all came from the admins just to call Nomble an Old dog.... and to say that they had captured his dog and was threating to make it into a stew if he didn`t create ultimate evil and chuck his max payne into it and then play black & white it better (he he he he NO BUSH THE MONKEY U DON`T SHIT IN THE VILLAGE)...... .....but all the lions and tigers and bears (oh my) turned evil and destroyed stuff which lead to the extinction of.... BGY-11 Robots... ..even the one who was on the old story.... So Nomble's-Life got too many bugs it... .......nomble was destroyed, and Secret-Agent started watching Big guy and rusty a few times and thought about how cool the show was (except for the song intro) and he was like........really......high and then something very very very very odd happened tomorrow..... Secret Agent's TV sucked him into TV Land where SpawnOfSatan had been respawned from the firey pit. Undeadenemy had just goten up from being dead agian and was really pissed off. He decided to save his mis-guided friend and Secret Agent from the horrors of daytime televison anyway though. To do this he... Wore a hat made of noodles and became a small squichy yougart for 5 mins so he could hum the tune to an old rubbish violin song and make bad remarks to peral harbour and after that he made a time machine to go back in time to grow a moustache or else the whole thing wouldn`t work and just in time he changed back but not into a human he turned into a ..... horrid monster that has all tunes that are stuck in his head play aloud for all to hear over and over agian. Undeadenemy then drove all within hearing range crazy from having the damned Egyptian fanatic chanting from "Young Sherlock Holmes" playing over and over agian in his head. Since he hadn't listened to the radion in at least 2 weeks he figured it would be there a while then he.... Ate his noodle hat and then drowned his sorryoris away with a massive drinkathon with the page 3 gurls and he lost so he decided being a monsotr an all that he create the most ultimate creation and deadlyist thing in DA WORLD!!!!! so he made.... a stereo that played the Egyptian fanactic chanting and the HKS1.WAV(MP5 Shooting) for all eternity. This drove all who listened mad and they all killed themselves. NOw alone in the unvierse Undeadenemy searched the planet for the magical run that would turn him back to normal. He found the rune in a... BOWEL OF MUSTARD which was suspened over a lava......lamp but which was the frendsly gargs lunch and so to try and get him not to eat the mustard so he......... with a pole ?....... .....killed himself with that pole, and then respawned on the planet known as..... gargantua the 11th such as the orgianl story and found a billion pounds of mustard dumped there with the rune inside so he jumped in and found all the crew of sven-coop and also a pizza man with xtra mushrooms but had been covered with mustard so they all brought the pizza out and did emergancy mouth to mouth with the pizza and oh no they managed to 2 2........(work out maths??) .....and everyone killed monkey cause of his insane babblings and so everyone was happy and they rejoiced and they..... save the pizza, Then it died anyways Undeadenemy finally found the rune which turned him back to normal, then he used his necromancing skillz to bring back the entire SC team and the players (except SpawnOfSatan who was still in the firy pit) Back in the Land of Gays, where Tor was born, chumtoads were being slaughtered by the millions. To stop this evil act of injustice, the king of the Chumtoads, Chubby, made a plan. His plan was too...... injaculate on Elton John thus making him wet. This attracted all the Tors and gave Chubby time to land his "Chumtoad Class" shuttle on PlanetGay. When he landed he went to find his friends but he came upon a... .......large trout..... that... ........ate..... shit, now Nomble went back from the dead, now when he checked his email, its was around 1000000unread mails, Nombles Computer crashed, and the saved games from max payne was lost, Nomble then started to hate SvenCoop becurse it made his life bad, The admins started to mail mails about Nomble was an old dog, "Again" He had 2 main targets, That darn English teacher, and Svencoop, i mean, max payne, no no no, i mean like, uhhh, yes! KKND! Now when he destroyed the KKND cd, and kicked his english teacher, he was free, until the admins, started to mail, and mail. Here is a weiver to you to sighn. Nombles Life is so bad and boring, that Nombe went and buyed FOG, he played it, and alomst died, hes PC crashed, and Nomble went on to check his email, "again On another computer" 4000mails from the forums admins, calling Nomble an old dog....... ... calling Nomble and old dog because the day that yearbook pictures were being taken Nomble was at home eating ¿. So he sent his dog to school to get his homework. When the dog got there they had to have a picture for Nomble so ... Nomble dident get a damn about what Mattamue was talking about, so Nomble then "Again" was called an old dog from the admins, And suddenly the end of the world came........ again?   
  
But friendly garg saved the world! but... sadly enough... Only nomle got killed.... ......and everyone was happy the old dog died, which meant that the end of the world sucked ass because george bush didn't die with him. Oh well, thought Secret-Agent, I'll just ignore bush for now. As he thought, an explosion ripped through his evil dungeon. And there stood the man we all know as...... G-man!! He told his real name was Gargantuafan-man, and that was a schock for eveyone!   
  
Later... He called his mommy to.... ...kill gordon freeman.   
  
Later, gordon and G-mom met eachother and the one that got killed was... SOMETHING, NAMED bARNYES AS.... now nomble wasnet killed, its just secret agent with his fantasy... Now Nomble almost died in a heart attack knowing that sankis is an amdin,s trying to ban nomble at any price! ......and Secret-Agent quickly tells Nomble that he should stop always putting attention on himself cause the admins love you in a way you can not imagine when you think about it. Then all of a sudden the nightmare was over. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING being said up to this point was all in Doctor Gordon Freeman's nightmare. So gordon got up and went on his usual everyday tram ride. He got to sector c when he found barney. Barney told him he was running late. He had an odd feeling of Deja Vu..... ! And this time, not even Mad Jonsey could stop him!! MWAHAHAH! Mad, they called ME... MAD! MAD! But who's mad now? ME, I guess....   
  
However, something very strange happened when the security guard spoke to Gordon. The strange thing was that the guard shot Gordon in the head, killing him instantly. This was because Ed had had finnaly created a Time Machine, and had travelled back to prevent the cutthroat Freeman from ruining his plans. A quick bribe, and Gordon was dead.   
  
Who will take Gordons place in this alternate time, if anyone? Will they succeed? Will it be different? Will it avoid the awful Lambda and Xen? Find out in the next exciting portion of super-spam! but nomble, thinks that the admins wants him gone forever and dont like nomble, they hate him..... ........is what the security guard said. Gordon looked at barney like he was crazy. So barney let him thru then the security guard at the desk said his comp crashed, due to the fact he was running Windows 98. So gordon headed thru halls of brilliant scientists at worked and he arrived at the Test chamber... As gordon entered the test chamber he realized nomble once again became annoying and said something before Secret-Agent. But anyway, as gordon entered the test chamber... Something went wrong, the... Experiment blew up in gordons face and..... ...it was caused by a scientist running a program to see if the G-Man was bald or not (well is he now that you think about it?) the computer had an error and crashed throwing Gordon, the G-Man, Nomble, and evil Edcrab into the void of a crashed computer system. Inside there is no light and none of them culd ever return because Undeadenemy had sent them there with his necromancing powers and thye could never kill him or come back. They were simply stuck, forever....(not a stop)   
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the moon... ......cheese, a fun but buggy map for TFC, was being played by peoples who like...did stuff and colonized the moon. This meant.... ...they did stuff and colonized the moon. Cubby, who was returning from PlanetGay with his friends, got his shuttle damaged by a meteor. THis caused him to have to crash-land on the moon which was inhabited by... TFC players...... TFC player that like to.... ......play TFC..... eat quail eggs and drink chicken piss. This disgusted Chubby who then... said, nomble! I hate you, you stupid matha facher.... ...you die and go to hell!" So he did and there was much rejoicing. But then they realized Nomble was already in the void with Gordon, G-Man, and Edcrab. SO he stayed where he was. But they rejoiced anyways... and everyone agreed that everyone hates nomble. Now that we have established that, gordon freeman had sex with the gman and all was happy in the land of... the dark crashed computer system void. They were all falling falling. Then they fell some more. Pretty soon everyone got tired of watching G-man, Gordon, Nomble, and Edcrab fall so they left and they were all forgotten about... ... but then someone rembered them. This some1 was like;   
  
"Whoa, do you rember those people that were like inside of UndeadNme's computer?"   
  
"Yeah, I rember. But they were boring. Lets go ..." laugh at them then leave... Playgirl magazines...... Secret-Agent is becoming mad because the last 5 lines have been interrupted by Undead and the whole story is getting screwed so anyway.... ... The revelation ... that someone pissed in the water... .....then mattamue realized Secret-Agent would rather have undead delete his lines because Secret-Agent is lazy and.... ...then Undead said he wasn't deleting his lines because they followed the story-line and SA's didn't... Then undead realized SA's lines were with the story, but were just interfered with.... ... because SA is lazy and wants to be an uber-fanboy by Friday. So he can impress ... ...the Backstreet Boys however the solution was... Secret-Agent sighs and says "See what I mean"..... Is what undead said to the giant head full of lead...... ... the giant head full of lead doesn't like being reffered to as the giant head full of lead. It' is more polite to say ... ....'a' giant head full of lead...... know what hes talking about, suddenly nomble came and screamed, "WHY DO EVERYONE HATE ME! I F****ING HATE THIS S***!!!!" Everybody then.....   
  
part 5. 


	5. Part 5

Tell a Story5  
  
......ignored nomble...... ...then Sankis the Mighty story mini-god and warned the fellow "story" people to stop the spam or this will end up shit... .....everyone was very confused because the whole meaning of this topic was to spam and create weird and insenseless sentences.......   
  
Meanwhile, people in the story... .....we're happy..... ...and ... .... stupid..... ....very stupid and one espesically loved mashed potatoes (me) alot so very much.... ....so he ate mashed potatoes and eventually died 80 years later.....   
  
That's when Gordon noticed that the case of Mountian Dew he keeps by his couch had finally run out. Getting up with a groan and slipping on the feet to his HEV suit he gets his car keys and decides to make a trip to the store.   
  
Then when he got out to his driveway he realized that he still couldn't open the door to his car (since quake-engie based games can't do that sort of thing). Letting out a big sigh he took his tram intstead. When he got to the store he turned down isle ... ......to buy food....... ...such as mashed potatoes.... Mattamue, is the todays subject.   
  
Mattamue, why are you saying bad things about nombe?   
  
-Oh well, my life is hard, i work in a mine in southafrica. And i i found some dimonds so i buyed alot of shit, like this computer, then i started to...   
  
Well sorry mattamue, times up.   
  
Mattamue died in HIV and AIDS 2 really bad things that grows in africa, the rat hole of the world.   
  
Next weeks subejct is, why are it so many #¤#¤#"# parasites just in africa?   
  
Cya next week in. Nombes, and BlackBird news!   
  
Secret-Agent replied saying: Africa's hot and humid climate is a great place for parasites to live in..... great point you had there! The next subject is, why is HIV and ADIS such a big problem in africa? and why is this News thing have so much racism?   
  
And Secret-Agent replies, because many people in Africa do not have the technology and protection to prevent or detect HIV, and so everyone was like 'ok' and back on Planet Chumtoad..... where the show is on, this minute subject is, Why is Gorge W. Bush president of the USÀ? ...because George Bush sucks compared to Al gore is what we all say.... then nomble throw out Secret agent out of the window and screams "GREY IS HERE"!! HAHAWHAWHAAHHAAA!!!!!! GET THAT AHhahahahaaaa!!223"#""#""""" .....Secret-Agent is satisfied that nomble is crazy, so ANYWAY back in Chumtoad Planet..... then the show goes on, Nomble scream again "GREY IS HERE!!!"#¤¤%¤¤%¤¤ GREYS HAHAHAHAHAHA!! GREY HUHUHUHUHU!!!"""!#¤##¤4 and Secret agent again was throwed out of the window... ...back in chumtoad Planet, chubby and his pals were having a nice sip of tea, when all of the sudden, the 172 survivors of the Chumtoads asault on the Planet of the Gays, came down with the leadership of the almighty Tor, to plan and destroy the chumtoads..... but secret agent still flying out of the window, and nomble still scream something about the Grey.... Ignoring logic, Ed leapt from the void and hit those responsible fer dumping him there. By means of a biiiggg crowbar.   
  
Stalking the area with a truly enormous Mega-Zap!! (TM) Death-ray, he threatened to kill everyone unless the story started to make sense!   
  
"Hello," said the orange water tree, and gave everyone mashed potato. Gordon woke up and began to wonder. I've beaten this game called Half-Life, but Theres this new one called Real Life. It consists of hard and mature responsibility, school, work, annoying people, and you can't pause or save the game. Gordon did not like this new game very much so he stopped playing it..... As soon as gordon stopped playing, however he was transported to the land of the l33t. He looked around and saw three people that looked like homer.   
  
"om9!!! 50|\/|3 nO|\|-co0L |)oo|) I5 li|3 1N +|-|e l33t L@|\|D." said the Stupid Looking one.   
  
Gordon looked at them strangely.   
  
"w|-|aT 4Re j00 l1|3 LOOKI|\|g @+ |)00|)?!" said the stupid one again, "|\/|y |\|4mE I$ niCkY 8L4NcO! "   
  
.... Then kritter said " God dam it. Where the hell did you come from?".... ... .....but magically he was already there.... and secret agent started to talk shit again........ .....but Secret-Agent was infacting making sense, a concept not yet acquired by Nomble. While chubby was being attack by Tor and his 171 other survivors, the planet of the gays was blown into 99999999999 billion pieces........ Is what mattamue explained, and is what Secret-Agent would do, but Nomble has been banned and everyone shouted:   
  
"w00t!"   
  
So we all partied till midnight...... We all celebrated and went over to my Word association to celebrate! ......and we all replied with 1 to 2 word answers or phrases and had a joyess occassion. But back in the land of chumtoads...... ...chummy had just eaten a large amount of... .... cheese twists and beer. He was quite angered that he didn't have any weed for the party tonight. So he got up and went to his dealer. While there he..... .... he overheard the G-man and his dealer talk about setting up and underground Chubtoad skin trade So he went on an assassination plot to destroy the G-man once and for all..... and then Marry G-Mans Boyfriend. ...who was really Walter...... But walter got killed in the black mesa so he had to choose someone else... so he decided... But walter survived the nuclear explosion because he was deep down in the lambda sector where the bomb did not reach so gordon really did like walter which was the gmans man.... the gman's man of duty for the sector C clean up management control...So Walter stood up and said…...."Do you know who ate all the donuts?"..... "That fool did! KILL HIM!" Bellowed Ed, and everyone took up arms (and guns) and shot Ed because they were annoyed... Secret-Agent Thanks edcrab for clearing that up. So to return the favor, Secret-Agent gave edcrab a chance to respawn... ...which he did, telefragging all the players who were stuck at respawn because of that damn blocker, and they couldn't kick him, since... He had Strapped a BOMB ONTO HIS CHEST AND WAS THREATING TO BLOW EM ALL TO HELL!!! unless they gave into his demands to...... ...blow up... an atomic fish which only one in existince which was in the island of...... Rhode ....island... The island of rhode island? that doesnt make any sense Is what dark said, and Secret-Agent politely reminded him that nothing in this story makes sense. So anyway, back in the land of the G-peoples..... They decided to make a time machine to go back to a place where atomic fish was everywhere BUT it was too confusing for them and decided to make THE ULTIMATE CRISP the ingredmints were...... ....crisp...... carboard and..... Styrofoam... Combined in a Vat of..... Soup... which tasted of LEAD POISINING and was being eaten by a ...... Drunk monkey... which was on the edge of a cliff..... .....and fell of and died.... BUT respawned in a dark room full off.... drunk monkeys... So all the drunk monkeys got together and DRANK A LOT OF BEER!!!!! and vodka!!!!and all got pissed..... ..off... and had a massive fight and all got beaten up and arrested but one of them had sneaked in a ..... ...drunk monkey.... trained in 134 diffrent types of marine and ranger unarmed and armed exsplsove training and escaped to set up a buiisness of.,..... ...selling drunk monkeys... which could kill a man in 8 seconds just by looking at it...... ......and he turned into a drunk monkey..... and soon enough the ENTIRE world was drunk monkeys nothin could stop them nothing BUT *A - TEAM TUNE* dododododo odododoooodooododododododuududuudodododoududdododud   
  
STARING SVEN AS THE BRIANY ONE   
  
JONSEY AS THE MAD ONE   
  
AND ED AS THE GONE INSANE I LOVE HEAD CRAB ONE!!!!   
  
DODODODOODOD but they.... ....were drunk monkeys.... and so NO the A TEAM had failed b4 they had begun forgetting that they had turned into drunk monkeys!!!   
  
(MEANWHILE)   
  
the leader {DoA}DrunkMonkey was discussing world domination plans in his massive evil fortreess constructed by the thousands of drunky munkey minions WHEN SUDDENLY.... .....drunk monkeys..... Beard.... ....filled with drunk monkeys.... and he tried the world domination plans to get them off   
  
and it worked but then he can`t take over the world hmmmmmm he said SO he made a giant..... ...drunk monkey.... made of noodles.... in chicken noodle soup..... Then Sankis, was about to hit the LOCK story icon when... ...when everyone was like "Why?" and Sankis didn't know and neither did we so.... but then sankis Remembered why he did. ...but no one else did..... ... causing... .....nothing to happen at all...... ...but suddenly... ...stuff happened... and a scientist invented a new cloning system inventing twenty or more of the same story making the whole game turn completley into stupid shit! ...but some other stuff happened, like…..We actually got back into telling the story. . . ...which was... ...which were all eventully dumped in the void along with Ed's Ghetto Fortress of Despair and Commander Keen (don't ask- it's all Mad Jonsey's fault...)   
  
Meanwhile Ed was finding inrasingly amusing ways to get drunk despite actually rarely drinking alchol. Under the inflnce slightly,, he typed his daily dose of spam before deciding to apss out somewhere convenient and scomfortable....   
  
But... a new device, which was designed by the scientist that made the cloning system, he created many more of himself and then made a new peice of equipment called the HeP.E.U.   
  
the Hazardous Enviroment Protective energy unit which powered a new Hev suit and gave gorman Freedan (the new original scientist) the ability to ..jump... ...a WHOLE INCH into the air... as he practised this difficult skill, he passed Ed who was saying a piece of spam in order to attract people over to Secret-Agent's Azure Sheep story in off-world so they could provide, towards Ed, sympathy, money, technical tips, the wanted download or all four, preffably 3 or 4 or even one depending on the cash amount. *ahem*...   
  
However, all this jumping around led to... ....frogs... being eaten by the french.... ....who are very rude.. but very rich so secret agent, drunk and sankis decided to nik all ther cash..... .... after a while they succeeded, but they were stood on by a passing garg. Ed then looted their corpses for the cash, realised they were francs, swore, and threw them away.   
  
However, the guys had respawned and they advanced on Ed for taking their cash- however, Ed teleported to safety although he left something behind in his wake.... it feel infront of his wouldbe persuers with a tinkly-clang.   
  
It was green....   
  
It was metal....   
  
It was explosive...   
  
It was a primed grenade.   
  
The grenade exploded, and... ...killed ed..... *This page cannot be displayed   
  
* check your browP   
  
*[C:/My Documents/Map Reads/Legion Mappak/lg3/test.jpg]/   
  
Invalid File Settings   
  
{FORCE_SHOW_PICTURE]   
  
Unknown command [WTF now that is wierd it ends up in the wrong damn story anyway and now I can't delete it...*sigh*]   
  
However, Secret was mistaken as infact Ed was hiding in his aforementioned place of safety 1000 miles away. So he survived, despite the grenade really being a banana bomb, which exploded so mightly that it also killed Agent anyway... for some reason everybody died anyway including ed and they all respawned in a LARGE ,BLACK, RETANGLAR ....... ...respawn room... With a button in it which did.... ..the disco... walls... ...of fun... ...and wonderful people who gave out enormous amounts of money... to chubby charity organisations...... ...who kill chubbies... and barney's... ...and scientists... and well thats about it and so the organisation went around mercilissly killing things UNTILL they came to a..... big, large, undefeated...(dont say garg :P) SPATULA.... ..wielding garg... who was about to fix up a new snack which contained 1/4 pint of houndeye and ofcourse... ...3/4 headcrab's legs... ...and 17 small apples.   
  
However, Ed was passing....   
  
...and saw the headcrab dish.   
  
In his rage, the mighty crab gibbed all present with his handy shotgun and RPG, before they even knew of his arrival. While they all respawned, dazed and confused, Ed buried his 'crabby chums and replaced the dish with chumtoad chow.   
  
The team came and ate the meal made of 12 slaughtered mashed chumtoads. Much to Ed's annoyance, they figured out what it was, ate it anyway, and enjoyed it far better than bitter-tasting 'crab.   
  
The team therefore ignored Ed and got the spatula-garg to... ...cook macaroni.... ..But the Garg used his flame-producing arms to cook the macaroni instead of the ususal stoves, stoves were less hot then Garg`s flame-arms and the macaroni melted so instead of eating macaroni, they ate melted-macaroni spread on sandwiches.... and bits of rubber.... Later they puked everything out and kenny got killed!   
  
oh my god! they killed kenny!   
  
After that Cartman... known as Madf jonesy, . THEN for NO reason watso ever a GIANT hole opened up where nomble was standing and he sank down down down into the pits of unfinished mods and games like team fortress 2 and eggs (ungame realated)....... And nomble played all the mods and unfinished games until he died, Nomble then be4 he died told everyone that he dont want to to be in a story. Everyone accepted that, and we went on with our lives of never speaking about him again.... The End? THE END????? how crap is that well it`s kinda crap id say about 8..... ANYWAY back to the story i`ll start from where we left off shall i??? ok last thing was from secret-agent and here`s the new bit   
  
Unless the most powerfull force in the univeres collidied with a ping-pong ball which would create a...... ...ping pong ball... Cloneing machine... gun..... ..toating... ..garg... crosshair..... wielding... chainguns... ...of lead.. ...that... ..is.... ...non-existent... lump of cheese.......chips... which was about   
  
to kill.... Dr. CheckOnThePoints. Who had jus turned into a chubby jus before hand.... after being killed by the urinal-with-wings that flew off 50 pages ago... ...in happyland.. ... where all the Headcrabs were eating chubbies, all the Gargs were dancing in the flowers, and all the snarks were exploding joyfully... until, a bad pit worm came and... ...pitted... A HOLE IN ONE...... ...pair of pants... and made the other into a fake handbag which looked like it was a...... ..real handbag... ... but nobody could figure out what to say next, so there was a big gaping hole in the story. Then .... ....we said 'just kidding' and... everything went to hell... While in hell, the team rested on a firey bed of ashes... pondering why they went to hell without dying... maybe their was a pot hole...but no one knew, they thought they had been warped into a map..but it was detailed to well, and they could feel the heat... all the sudden the gman walked by with his little suit case, turned towards the people, and set his suit case down... he then ripped off his face to reveal!!! That... gman was mysteriously telefragged a few milisecond after his face was ripped off... everyone blinked at teh same time just before his face ripped off so nobody saw it. After the 2 second respawn delay, Gman respawned and ………He whipped out his GIANT gun, and blew up the world.. The end...... Or is it........ Then the world respawned in a universe filled with...... applesauce.... ...eating.. ...Coconut Monkeys from PCG that were... ..filled with coconut... chewing leaves from a christmas tree while the roll of duct tape..... ...was eating.. The VCR that never worked. then... a big fat.... ...lemon with a chin... jumped out of the sewers only to find... ...the g-man with that giant gun again,   
  
Coconut monkey begged for freedom but the gman... ...gave him freedom.. but for the price of HIS SOUL MWHAHAHAHAHAH...... but then, a big fat... long smooth cylinder SMASHED through the skylikgt with a a gigantic bomb and was threating to eat it if they all didn`t.... ... fix a broken respawn trigger .... So they decided to fix it, but in the midst of fixing, the G-Man from a few lines ago teleported in and whipped out a displacer, he was going to teleport the cylinder to the Xen area which allows you to spawn on a blank spot, making you fall to your death a la "Pit Worm`s Nest". But G-Man pushed the alt. fire and normal fire together and unintentionally exploited a bug which can allow you to teleport into the past, everyone including the cylinder and G-Man were teleported into the end of Half-Life where Gordon Freeman was about to make his choice when they all teleported in and telefragged Gordon, causing the current player playing as "Gordon Freeman" to get really pissed off about the game and decided to h4ck into the Web site of Valve software and Gearbox software, and made use of the hacked web sites to post nothing but fake news of Half-Life closing down and disallowing sale of any Half-Life games and its expansion and mods from continuing to be made, this pisses Gooseman, Sven Viking and all other mod makers and went to kill Randy Pitchford, Robin Walker, Steve Theodore, Guthrie and other Valve/Gearbox staffs....   
  
Back in the G-Man, cylinder and the player`s side:The spawning of the future G-Man into the past G-Man caused a lapse in the time space continum and G-Man began glowing green and was teleported earlier and earlier in time until... he landed up that morinng b4 he had breakfast and met himself but htey got pissed off by one of other and broke into a massive fight with 2 g-mans and a cyclinder thing and then...... ... there was a resonance cascade ... ..scenario... palyer then connected to the game and started shooting the other players. He ws called a n00b repeatidly when he finaly figured out how to talk and said what is a n00b when th gargantua toasted his scrawny a$$. Then.... ...the garg got killed by... a PAPER CUTting machine.. that skweaks ...metal.. rusting.... ..pipes... carrying.... ...flamable liquids that... were used to power up the b.g.y. machine that broke anyways because it... Timmothy, the scientist, had too much to eat that day. But then suddenly... A big fat..... green..... guy with an afro and a piece of rope walked into the room and for no apperent reason his head exploded causing... ..an explosion... of all the cabbages in the world.... ...everyone was thankful... untill THEY exploded aswell... ..and then they imploded.. into a small box which then turned in to a BLACK HOLE and sucked in a ..... a gient **** then the black hole jumped up and down like a little schoolgirl screaming... ..."help".. Suddenly... ...something happened... a headcrab.... ..ate.. gman. Gordon then proceded to... ...walk.. forward... ...to the secret room... ..and back outside.. ...Black Mesa that suddenly explodes... ..again... he takes up the BFG from his pocket and shoot the fat grunt eating donuts, the fat grunt explodes as the medic on HaStE's Avatar... and then into the lake. Then, someone threw a banana bomb, which was supposed to be a secret. The resulting explosion (from people using it too much) caused Sven Co-op to crash, and ruined Sven Viking's work on (instert current mod state here). Luckily, the files were backed up on who-knows-where, and they were recovered. Then the mothership from ID4 abducted Barney, took out some vital organs, whiped out a Polaroid camera, took some pictures, and put him back where they found him. Barney made a full recovery, and later returned to unclog the toilet from the beginning. Then snarks blew him up.   
  
Then the administrator / G-Man appeared, and snarks blew him up. Unfortunately, the G-Man pulled himself back together like the the other guy in Terminator 2, but that's beside the point. Then Gordon, Gina, Barney, and anybody I missed.... died. Only to be respawned in a map called c2a2 where the is only one respawn point. Each respawn resulted in a telefrag. Then suddenly, A bullsquid appeared from nowehre which... could talk. it told gordon that the xen race didnt really mean to invade earth. suddenly a huge foot... stopmed The Talking Bullsquid before it could say the reason why they wanted to invade Earth, the foot belonged to bigfoot, who... was eating his breakfast at the time, which was.... his other foot... was sewed onto the experimental Friendly Garg(Whose leg was cut off by the Military) by Walter Bennett who saw bigfoot eating breakfast and secretly injected anaesthesia to the leg while cutting it off so bigfoot wouldn`t realise it. With bigfoot now without any legs, he was nicknamed "nofoot" instead.. But that wasn`t all he also had no head but he didn`t relise it untill.... ...it all happened.. Suddenly because the story stopped making sense the universe imploded. Then a new universe was created inhabated by sentient toast. Suddenly an ashtray... ..coughed.. up 100 billion pounds/dollars for sven`s donation but it failed to when it...... the standard of Pounds in comparison to the money all around the worild droppped rapidly and soon even a zillion pounds, are at the most, 1 dollar only!   
  
Sven was so pissed that he.... ...released 2.0... ...and on svenco-op 2 there was a virus that deleted your HD when u started it.... .... but anyway A big fat.... ...thing... fell from the heavens... ..and into hell... So there nomble was, in hell, when.... ...he was litterally flamed to death... ...by barney's flamethrower.   
  
Half-Life crashed and barney got pissed so he... deleted win 98 and installed a dual boot of windows 2000 on in NTFS format and linux. Barney's computer liked it so much that it... ... deleted Internet Explorer from the desktops of computers everywhere, and there was much rejoicing. Until lthey realized that they had to use netscape and everyone in the world commited suicide. Once again, it was a map that had only one respawn so there was a telefraggin orgy for 3 years. Three years went by, everyone bue a lucky few had a deathcount of negative bilions due to respawning so much. After that, Barney's computer.... ..crashed... into a wall as everyone finaly got out of the telefrag orgy and obliterated the thing... it was literaly vaporized. SUDDENLY... 'IT' happened... A Jamakin mon with lots of dreadlocks that formed the shape of 8 ft. tall bill clintion jumped from the air vent landing on gordon and breaking a light on the celing with his hair. Gordon got up, and proceeded to kick his ass.... The jamaka mon whipped out *HIS* HEV suit from his hair and quicky put it on before gordon got to him. Then, they each were fighting for days and weeks untill... ..gordon peed his pants.. so did Jamaka Mon ..and they ate each other.. Vigorusly.. Untill... ..the Gman walked in... proceded to eat Jamaka Mon's hair... ..and his hair blew up.. making Gman's jaw explode... ..and causing gordon's beard to explode.. and then to implode... ... and lots of other cool stuff that ends with -plode. Then after the Jamaca mon, Gordon, and G-Man came to an agreement, they all played Metal Slug X at the local pizza place. Then .... While playing, Gordon mistook G-Man`s chracter in the gaem as the enemy and continued to kill G-Man`s character until the "Game Over" screen shows. G-Man blew his top and wanted to displace Gordon! But seconds later, Gordon took out a "literaller" and made G-Man "blowing his top" come true! G-Man literally blew his top and kept imploding until... ... untill the Metal Slug (Super Vehicle 001) burst in, and... uh.... killed Sankis.... No other was harmed, so Nomble went on to get out of the story "AGAIN" Then nomble was gone.. But while leaving, Nomble tripped on rows of tripmines set by the admins who used to call him an old dog in an effort to kill him, but they forgot that Nomble always uses god mode... But then Sankis noticed he was an Immortal Mini-god and couldn't die. then Nomble Screamed at AntiblockerZgrunt to stop riping up old things to make Nomble sad and angry... Then friendly garg came and said to everyone on the story who is nasty to shut up and talk about nice things.   
  
Like flowers..   
  
and svencoop and much, much more nice things!   
  
Then, finally somebody talked nice and said the following: But then one of the sentient pieces of toast that everyone forgot about walked into the room in a world supposedly not inhabited by humans and saw Nomble, Friendly Garg, Gordon, Sankis and AntiBlockerzGrunt. The confused toast exploded, then imploded, then exploded twice more, then burst into a yeast precipitation. Gordons shoulder suddenly... burst like a balloon and Gordon`s shoulder was gone, all that was left was his shoulder bone, but it wasn`t noticeable since Gordon was wearing a HEV suit and no one can see his skin. Gordon was screaming in pain while the others thought he was trying to get attention and ignored him... untill thought to put him out of his missery and blasted his brains out and then they all went around and jumped onto a tabe and did the...... ...hokey pokey.. with machine guns and..... ...people.. which were full of money made of..... ..paper.. planes.... ..that flies.. around volcanoes..... ..and falls in.. ... and then the map changed, and everyone was sent to a world not with sentient toast, but (bum bum bum!)...   
  
Sentient Bread!   
  
Fortunately, the respawn worked correctly, and nobody got telefraged. Then the sentient bread tossed everybody into a toaster. ..and they were toasted.. ..sbut not fully toasted, only lightly browned... ..into a golden crisp.. And then the respawns broke again and everyone was telefraggin untill the beta server's timelimit of 9 days was up and the map changed again. But, somone connected when the scores were being shown and everyone got the no entite bug!!! So....... All the players became blind and coincidentally, the next map is svencoop2, because of their blindness, they failed to locate the green grunt and.... tor ran in and raped all the players while they were blinded, he eventually ate a chum toad and exploded. The players moarned the death of tor, although they couldn't see him.... ... then everyone switched to a dial-up conection, which gave them CL_Flushentitypacket errors. which created many tables for NO APARENT REASON WAT SO EVER!!...... The tables then came to life, picked up fire axes and proceeded to cut off everybody's feet, just so that they could feel the pain that trees go through. Then the tables realized they were made of metal, and apologized. ...making the story oh so much lamer. Meanwhile in a can of tuna chubby was... ..eating.. fried chicken and watermelon just to confirm what everyone was thinking... ...about tuna.. Out of Story   
  
Now I remember why i stopped saying thinga in this story :P ..is what macros said.. ... and Bingo was his name-o .... bingoooooooooo was his name ooooooooooo ..but everyone was joking because... chubby slapped chubby BACK into reality and they all sat down to eat tuna/watermelons/chubby food/metal tables...... ..except no.. one was actually there..... ..at the place.. that was made of polystyrene.... ..things.. ...that ate chocolate to... ..bad.. amounts of nuckleur waste that had been put into the atmososphere and was but to..... ...stupid to tell drunk monkey that he needs to take his time so people understand him cause no one does and never will and its really gettng annoying... ... and then everybody went to the magical, far away place where the air smelled like warm root beer, and the shriners and the lepors played their ukilaleys all day long, and anyone on the street would gladly shave their back for a nickel. Then they all woke up from their extremely disturbing shared dream. ...because they were in Albequerque, and had 2 kids named Nathaniel and Super Fly.. wnich poked bob-o while he was sleeping in the corner and reminded him that the site was back up, which caused a voliton chain reaction, which caused... the new anti blocking code for 2.0 to be deleted from existence and someone stood in the doorway and bob-o couldnt get out, although thanks to his genius anti-blocker voting system already on his server the blockers head exploded in a variety of different beautiful colours. Just then a pink elephant... ...died on the planet... ...bing bing... goes the cash regester as it rings up bob-o's lunch, Realizing he onyl has 3$ in his wallet from the other posting game, He is forced to jump the old grannie next to him for the extra 50 cents he needs to get his Number 6 combo with no lettuce or tomato with extra mayo and a frostie instead of a coke or somthing at wendys. Then the old granie... ...layed the smackdown on bob's ass... and then the grannie got shot by a rabid chicmonk.. ...on weed that was grown by... Jamaka Mon.... ... then the rabbid chipmunk was beaten up by Super SaiyaMan .... which caused some of the chipmonk's blood to contaminate Super SaiyaMan's blood and he subsequentialy got infected with rabies and expolded instantly. Suddenly... the giant urinal with wings that keeps showing up in here flew down from the sky ranting the entire way about how people shouldnt piss on it. This drove all of the people at Wendys to... buy (you guessed it) 5 number 6 combos with no lettuce or tomato with extra mayo and a frosty instead of a coke or somthing. Suddenly the chili machine..... exploaded because the urinal with wings dumped a gooy acid stuff from all the piss on it onto the machine. Everyone knew they must do something so Undeadenemy used his mysterious powers to throw the giant-urinal-with-wings into the pit of fire from which noone could return without Undeadenemys explict permission. The urinal dumped its goo on ed-crab who had gone insane since being left in there 20 pages ago. Undeadenemy felt sorry for him so he let him out. Everything returned to normal at Wendys so Undeadenemy moved along to a... random hall in the BMRF where the 'slinking' hairy mass of stuf was still crawling around the halls... Feeling disturbed, Gordon then... shot himself. Undeadenemy knew that this couldn't happen as Gordon is the main character and cant get out of his HL2 contract, so Undead used his necromancing powers to bring Gordon back to life. Gordon got pissed and shot Undead several times but as he is a necromancer, he cannot die. So Undead sat there and laughed at poor living Gordon. Later on that day... The garbage truck came and emptied the garbage cans. Suddenly... Osama Bin Laden came out of the truck wielding machine guns and explosives. Everyone tried to attack and kill him but Undead manifested a barrier to stop them getting to him. Everyone looked on in awe as Osama opend fire and everyone feared Undead killed. However, as the bullets flew toward Undead his anger soared and flames covered his body from his overflowing evergy level. He blasted flames at Osama incinerating the bullets along the way. Osama tried to run, but he was overswept by the flames. His shrill screams made all but Undead hold their ears. Just before Osama was about to die, Undead stopped his death and put a curse on him that he lay dieing for all eternity. As Osama brned lying on the ground Undead cast him into the firy pit from which noone could return without Undeads permission and everyone cheered. They all celebrated Osamas eternal torture at a nightclub where they served... ..head.. to old people and apple sause and pills to young people (kinda backwards) To fix this everyone... ..ate people.. swiftly…....and non-chalantely... until... ferris bueler... ... who spontaneously combusted, and .... caused his video tapes to combust, lighting bob-o's shaved head on fire and causing him to dip his head into the first abundent source of water, The toilet. OH NO, Suddenly bob-o realized he looks like a really really white elf and then Suddenly... chocolate reigned supream over the entire world. So Undeadenemy decided to... ...eat.. ...whoever made the stupid voice on net thing with half life 1108 which causes it to crash after every game of tfc and various other mods. suddenly a rare plastic obergine... ...but it doesnt do that to anyone else so... chocolate still reigned supream... And then bob-o ate it. ON NO, GORDON... died, but Undeadenemy brought him back to life agian... And then a headcrab appeared... ..in his mouth.. only to be swallowed in a matter of seconds... ...with some major backwash.... followed by the oozing of that yellow blood stuff out of gordon's left nosteral... (and only in hte left nosteral) And then it started to ooze profousely... and it turned into a jet stream of that yellow, sticky, and somtimes chunky, blood. Spraying that crap everywhere, Gordon... ..ate it.. quickly... and he found it more efficent for him to attach a tube to his nose and the other end to his mouth so he would make such a mess... then... ...as.. Gordon... Freeman... swallowed ...the... thing... ..with..   
  
a.. ...big.. spatula wielding garg... ..antua... psycically being controlled by Jamaka Mon who... ...had wild hair.. which was so wild it caused him and his spatula wielding garg to explode, and thus making the entire universe implode, explode several times, implode a bit more and then burst into 7 tasty colours which formed a rainbow. Suddenly a large book covered with wooden slivers... ..crashed... into the face of a blocker who was not letting me out of the room. Just then... 2.0 was realeased! And the blocker exploded due to a slay vote! Many beautiful colours emerged from the corpse, because a blocker dying is a joyous occasion. Just then a dangerously obese person fell down the stairs and his supreme weight when it hit the floor opened up a gate to hell which... ...opened up.. and out flew a swarm of ravenous tables that bit people but were all destroyed by... ..destroyers.. that destroy things in a destroying fury. they also happened to look like a large swarm of pencil sharpeners. One of them Imploded thus causing... A massive ammount of lead to spew every were in sharp shards which were just as bad as ..graphite.. mechanical.... ... pencils from another universe where it is full of loathing and self-doubt and rakced with the pain and isloation of your pifitul and meaningless existence where .... the helecopter... .. crashes and ... causes a... another implosion and because so many implosions occur... it makes turrican crap his pants :X then as he does a chumtoad comes and saves him by.. but the turrican who crapped his pants wasnt the real turrican he was the turrican out of turrican 1 who was crappy. i am turrican 2 for the atari ST. I left the story because i didnt want to be in it and was replaced by walter who proceeded to shit himself. While imploding at the same time, Causing an extremely messy mess ...messed up.. Then out of the sky... ...something.. was skydiving... ...in something... called... ..sky diving.. sport... ..of.. falling... ..in the sky... Then a garg came out of the sky and stopped this stupid story about skydiving!   
  
When the garg landed he met... five gluon troopers which started trying to waste the garg but then all the sudden ...something.. ... happened. ..again.. ... and then everyone was teleported to the land of Anime, where everyone had bad dubbing .... ....and was teleported back to a better drawn world... which sadly was connected to a virus called the ....virus... of G which means it was called the G-Virus, which means everyone but Undeadenemy turned into a zombie because he was already a zombie/necromancer/mage then... ...my.. ...apple shooting machine... ...gun.. ...with added plastic... began to skydive... ...into a multidimensional vortex which transported it... back to the airplane where.... ...sky divers.. jumped out... ..and dived.. down to... ...earth when suddenly... ..earth.. blew up the... ....earth.. ... and then everyone went back to the land of sentient bread, which was now mixed with the Anime world, making things look really freaky. The sentient bread helped Gordon and co. fix the toilet at the beginning with one of their giant robots, and then Gordon used that Relocator-thingy to get them out of there. until something screwed up with the... carton of milk.... which cause a... refridgerator to... skydive... from the airplane which also was... ... in the land of sentient bread .... where the LOAFs of bread get smushed by the skydiving refrdigerator. Suddenly... the evil toast man burned all the houses down with his magical fire. gordon saw the innocent breadies being burnt and had to hellp them so he... Whipped out a displacer and teleported the breads back to Earth safely, only to get them stuck in space as the Earth was no more. They began falling....falling...falling like in Xen, until they got sucked in by the Black Hole and miraculously teleported them into Xen, the breads rejoiced at first, but then some Alien Slaves recognize them through their visit to Earth. They remembered that they were edible so they use their electrical shocks to shock them till they become golden brown, but then Gordon also teleported but teleported on the slave and it got telefragged. That wasn`t the present Gordon, but was the Gordon from the past when he first travelled into the border world. he left and then suddenly one of Adrain`s Soldiers, a medic, teleported in and saw the toasted bread. He decided to heal them first and then eat it to make them not rot until he ate them. The breads were healed and rejoiced for a while. but then the medic ate them, only to realised that they were too hard due to being electrocuted by the slave, which caused his teeth to explode and gum to implode and his whole mouth to......... open... and to be bloated with blood and soon it became so big that the medic`s mouth burst like a snark and blood splatter everywhere. The breads became a little disgusted and decided to leave him to die in Xen since he tried to kill them. They jumped into an interdimensional portal opened suddenly in front of them, and the end up on top of the G-Man`s head at the end of Half-Life. The past-Gordon Freeman saw it and wondered why G-Man wasn`t telefragged, when he himself, even far away from G-Man, suffered the telefrag radius. Actually. G-Man`s is actually feeling excruciating pain but his scirpted_sequences disallowed him to shout. So he was forced to speak according to his scirpt but soon could not hold it any longer and.... ...the game crashed.. but it rebooted itself and laughed... Your owned, and will always be owned by Nomble! HAHAHAHA!! until Nomble died... (remember Undeadenemy is a necromancer so he can get out of anything u pull no matter what dont MAKE me put u back in the fire pit of no return) a horrible death.. then Undead replied WHASSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPP.... ...and then Secret-Agent edited his post before undead edited his but then he replied: "WASSUP?!!!!!!"... then Undead asked " WAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP  
  
PPPPPPPP????????? Then undeadenemy died becurse Nomble was a Paladin making the necro fly back to hell where he belong. But nomble then killed the angel tyreal, and then flied away back to his computer chair... then Nomble said "OH SHIT!" as he realized Undeadenemy can't go back to hell because he hasn't been there a first time. Nomble whirled around to find Undeadenemy already charged up for his famous fire attack that he used on Osama Bin Laden. Nomble tried to draw his sword but it was too late, Undead incinerated Nomble and his ashes became fireflies. And that is the legend of where fireflies come from.   
  
THE END   
  
Fireflies flew around and stuff... ...and then the fireflies buzzed off and Secret-Agent thanked Sankis for saving the world and gordon decided to.. ...shoot himself in the head 3 times trying to permanantly kill himself, but Undeadenemy brought him back to life AGAIN. Gordon who was really really really pissed... ... decided to play Sven Co-op with the 1108 patch installed. However, since he had an ATI board with OpenGL, his computer crashed, and he got so angry that he .... ...downloaded the ATI patch... downloaded the ATI patch... And then proceded to install the ATI patch... ....and it worked.. until... it broke.... ..it continued to not not work... untill it not not not worked... then alll of a sudden the guideline of the story completly changed for no apparent reason... ....and stuff... ... then one day gordan freeman was driving around in his ferrai then suddelney...   
  
(lets get back on track here.) the feriary not not went fast stright into a(n)... ... extremely large wedge of cheese. The cheese told Gordon to go to the Black Mesa Reserch Facility, and Gordon decided he wasn't going to eat week old burritos any more. So he went to "Taco Bell" instead of going to Black Mesa, which apparently an accident involving the interdimensional portals being opened in a freak anti-spectrometer accident that day. Gordon was relived that he wasn`t there as the fortune teller next door of Black Mesa predicted that he would be either working for G-Man or dying at the present day, but G-Man didn`t let Gordon off. He delibrately NOT tell Gordon about the incident and told Gordon he was fired for missing work. Gordon was so pissed but he was unarmed. So he took the taco on his hand and shoved it into G-Man`s mouth, in an attempt to choke him, but surprisingly, G-Man had mouth as big as his head(He doesn`t have brains and other organs in his head). So G-Man swallowed it and told Gordon that if Gordon would to buy him 1000000 Tacos for him he would rehire him, other wise he would die. Gordon refused and G-Man was about to teleport him to Xen when...he forgot to bring his handy-dandy displacer! So he took his briefcase and whacked Gordon in the head and carried him on his shoulder(a la Science and Industry) and brought Gordon to the LARGE teleporter at the end of Lambda Core and manually changed the configurations of the teleporter as he put Gordon on the portal opener, but G-Man didn`t know how to use the portal controls and instead of teleporting Gordon to Xen, he teleported him to... a big fat…shit cake... and but Gordon had a cold then and could not smell the stench of the shit and started to eat the giant-sized shit cake. After eating it, he had indigestion, a stomachache and vomited them all our again. He soon realized that he was minimized to the size of a RAT due to the G-Man`s misconfiguarions! Gordon seized this opputunity to go to.... hell, with Sankis. Nomble then Waved good bye to Sankis when he was draged back to the buring hell. So Nomble grabbed a Flamethrower and started FLAMING sankis. He then got into trouble... with Santa and his maniac elf army.. Sankis was raped brutaly, over and over again, now thats another story. Somewhere along long long time ago... Nomble was sitting and thinking about what to say next, maybe my first map with 500leaks, or was it 600? He dident know. Until a fireball of steel killed nomble and lived in heaven..... In a glas room... ....with glass.. ... but Nomble forgot that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and he threw one. The result was that Nomble went to a deep, dark, eerie, scary place that was filled with pain (no, not hell, in the dumpster behind a McDonalds). Ronald McDonald then appeared, and helped Nomble out. Nomble got an evil idea, and just before he could kill Ronald McDonald, ragingtofu apeared from nowhere and kicked Nomble's butt. Feeling his work was done, ragingtofu left. Then Nomble killed Ronald McDonald. The news spread quickly throughout McDonald land, and soon Grimace, Hamburglar, the Fry Kids, and that weird bird thing mourned the death of Ronald. They then proceeded to beat up Nomble. ...and then ate some Burger King... and there they met Sankis, and bowed before him for giving them 24 Nomble free hours! ....it was a glorious spectacle.. While everyone enjoyed nomble's absence, nomble him self had been banished to trainracingv1.bsp where he.... Turned off the safety hood and raced off to... the firey pit off death where he belonged because Undeadenemy put him there and hadnt given him permission to leave but the old func_train code disabled the tram from going into the firey pit and nomble got scourched on his arms and thid stopped him from operating the tram and this results in.. it crashing into a building witha sign that said... the anti blocking headquaters. Then a blocker came out and was gunned down by every respectable member of the sven community who hates blockers. then Nombel fell in the fire pit because there was no way to avoid it and he doesnt get there on a func_train anyway. So Nomble burned for all eternity... As he was burning, he realized that his flesh was falling off in peices. Being the hungry little bastard that he is, he strted eating those peices. Thus, cannibal zombie nomble was born. ...butted him.. then....cannibal zombie nomble wandered around BMRF looking for food, he set his sights upon... ...Walter's butt.... ...walter turned around and screamed, he started running but nomble got up to him, ripped off his pants and... Began feasting upon his bowels (this is disgusting) But then one of the really cool scis from SHL came in (luther) and unleashed a double 357 bullet rain upon nomble. Everyone was overwhelmed at the idea of a sci holding two 357s and immediately banded together to make the code for SHL2 to include scis with double glocks and 357s. then finally gordon popped back in and whipped out his trusty pocket sized Research Facility nuker (now in 3 colors!) and threw it on the ground, a loud blast occured and a light blinded everyone to soon reveal.... ... the red Kool-Aid guy. walter, survivng the "blast" walked up to the kool aid man   
  
Walter: Fascinating!   
  
Kool Aid Guy: OOOHHHH YEAHHHHH!   
  
Walter: AUGH! OH MY GOD WERE DOOMED!   
  
walter started to run, but the kool aid man gobbled him up and said "OOOHHHH YEAHHHHH!" but then gordon stood up and... changed into an agent who began trying to sell... sporks, because THERE IS NO SPOON! then the kool aid man said... Prepare to drink my tasty red concoction of doom! The agent tasted it, and laughed. This was the most delicious drink he had ever tasted before, in his entire life! Then, he jumped right into the Kool-Aid man, drank all that was left, and made the Kool-Aid man explode! (A la the Matrix) Then the agent came out and made the walls wave around, sadly he made them move to close inward and squished all the kids going hail koolaid.... he started running away after this until he met up with an elf who was going to give him three wishes, The agent... chose as his first wish to destroy every blocker in the world. His second wish was... for a sheep who's wool was soaked in kool aid, he third wish was... To have infinite wishes, but as everyone knows this has terrible concequences. He turned into a genie! Elsewhere though a baby gargantua... Started a factory that manufactured miniature factories. That produces MININATURE BABY gargs, which were about the size of a BullSquid, the mini-baby gargs became the workers of the mini factory and built an even smaller factory which produces... microscopic Baby gargs. But they were evil, so the USA sent in Tiny Elvis to take care of the job. Tiny Elvis wiped the gargs out with incredible effeciency. then the g-man killed the president and took over, sending Tiny Elvis on a job to assasinate gordon! so tiny elvis went to the BMRF and.... Tiny Elvis was walked up tot Gordon! Then Gordon, not noticing Elvis's firearm, began to tell Elvis how much he loved his music. Elvis was flattered and so he and Gordon banded together to defeat the evil G-Man. well, since they didnt know how to get out of the BMRF (Tiny Elvis forgot) gordon took a gluon gun, pointed it upwards and fired for about 3 hours (he used the sheep and some electrodes for ammo) untill he saw light comin out of the hole, then Tiny Elvis climbed through the hole and..... Enilsted the help of a sci to cut through the ground. Then, TE, GF, and Walter continued outside on their quest.   
  
(meanwhile in the g-man's office)   
  
::struts around office::   
  
Gman: well i finally took over america! tiny elvis should be back with gordons goatee so i can sell it on the black market...  
  
then... the gman, looking over at a console saw that Gordon's tracer chip that was implemented in his suit was still active   
  
Gman:that cant be right...   
  
all of a sudden GF, TE, and Walter burst into the room and...   
  
HoHoHo off to part6 


	6. Part 6

……Shot G-Man in the face! Only, the bullet bounced off and hit Gordon in the chest! Then Walter took out his Pocket Tau Cannon and wasted Gemman. He then looked down at Gordon and realized that he needed to perform emergency surgery. He got his tools and made the first incision. ...in his eye.. "AAAAAAAAAGGHGH!!!!"   
  
Gordon screamed in pain.   
  
"Hey", said Tiny Elvis, "I'm no doctor or anything but I think you just cut open his eye."   
  
"Oops, so I did", said Walter. "I'll just give him a robot eye instead."   
  
He ripped out Gordon's eye and replaced it with the robot eye. And he removed the bullet in gordon's chest with the power of magic. ...and ripped it out again.. ... and it was then that Gordon had found true love. He stared above him, as Walter looked into Gordon's eye(s), and Gordon said: "Hey, move you moron, there's a beautiful lady behind you." Gordon shot up and landed gracrfully onto his feet. Gordon began to shake his assbutt (new word everyone!!) wildely as the figure came twords him. Gordon looked more closely at the figure and thn the figure began to... ... dissapear. Gordon realized that he was back in his car, that had crashed into the giant wedge of cheese. Now Gordon was sure he had a bad burrito. So he went to Taco Bell and complained about his food..... then the taco bell manager came out and pulled off his mask, the g-man! walter screamed, barney gasped, then all of a sudden...... Luther burst in with double 357s and shot the gman right through the forehead. Just then they were all ambushed by a group of Grunts. Then G-Man says "Thatsssssss why i`m here mr freeman, i`ve recommanded your services to my "NEW"...eeeemmmmployers. And they have authorised me to offer you a job to eat all those left over tacos and burritos that the customers hate so much....blahblahblah......if you are interested just step into the kitchen and i will take that as a yessss, other wise......I can offer you a GAME that you have no idea how to win....."   
  
Just then, the door to the kitchen opens and G-Man says "TIME TO CHHHOOOOSSSSEEE".........Gordon said no and he was offered a game "YOU HAVE TO PLAY IT WITHIN 10 minutessssssss, or your PC will be infected with a virus which destroys anything in Black Mesa that is operated with microchipssss, which what all of Black Mesa is made of......" Gordon played the game. entitled "THE UNBEATABLE" which contains nothing other than a "NPC Hostile PAK" which makes all friendly becomes enemy and enemy becomes friendly, and he couldn`t even pass through the tram ride as the Barneys all around starts to shoot him and the furthest he could go is to the end of the tram ride. Just then Gordon purchased a Walkthrough for the PAK and completed it until he reached the level which he meets G-Man. G-Man said that he will give him the third choice:Entitle him to play an extra Half-Life episode wich casts him as Gordon Freeman when he was young and all the puzzles are to cope with school, household chores, parents, e.t.c......Gordon gets the game and..... shove's it into the crapper which..... ...craps... ...into... ...a toilet.. then gordon blew up the crapper before the story started the skydiving thing again then..... ....but people were sky diving.. into a toilet... which began to flush, rapidly... Phobos screamed at the thought of skydivng toilets that were... Evil Alien toilets that wanted to suck the life out of him so he took a crowbar and (i took a crowbar?) smacked the hell outta everybody who thought about sky diving toilets (eat that biatch!) but then the Anti-Skydiving-Toilet-Basher's-Association caught up to him and... started smaking the hell out of Phobos! Which caused a(n) ...black hole! Then it started shooting out... noughty stuff, called... Brocolli... ... which was eaten by Phobos, who said: "I said a hip hop a hippie the hippie to the hip hip hop ahh you dont stop a rockin to the bang bang boogie say ump jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie the beat!"   
  
Unfortunately, nobody knew what this meant, and then everybody skydived into the Kool-Aid guy, who had filled himslef with one of those weird new color changing flavors. Then ragingtofu got a big straw, and .... ...shoved it into phobos' stomach then started to... inflate his stomach causing strange gasses to emanate from his various orifices... ...of doom... ...then Phobos took a ton of laxative so ragingtofu and the straw were sucked into his bowels, ragingtofu, totally groosed out proceeded to... ...forcing this story to have a plot twist... ...of doom.. which is the death of Malek because Sushi points a gun @ his head. Here is a reinactment:   
  
Malek: HA HA HA...I have now taken over Sven Coop. My first action is to ban everyone from the servers!   
  
Turrican: Oh no...If only someone could (ummm) save us!   
  
(I stand up)   
  
Sushi: Do not worry, young and helpless svencoop player, I shall save svencoop!   
  
(I points a gun @ malek's head)   
  
Malek: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!   
  
*BANG....BANG....BANG....BANG BANG BANG*   
  
*Thump*   
  
But during the reinactment.... Phobos jumped in and sprayed everybody with idiot cream they idiots then... ...said a hip hop a hippie the hippie to the hip hip hop ahh you dont stop a rockin to the bang bang boogie say ump jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie the beat! Then... The Honking Donkey Shows Up Honking his Honk of battle and started kicking Sushi Then craps on him. With Victory he says that sushi has lied to you all. The Donkey then Says that Your So called "hero" is not a hero it is MALEK [SIZE=4]   
  
Malek says well honking donkey u have found out my secret. Yes but something still puzzles me how did u get rid of Sushi and how did u shoot yurself? Well Donkey i ATe him He was quite good that 8 tons of wasabi made him taste good.And I shot Blackmage in a disguise. "Ohh" said the Honking one well i shall kill u acuse i feel like it!!!! Malek says no and points a gun At the Donkey Then Sushi Jumps out of nowhere and is about to get shot, then something like a warp portal thingy sucks sushi into some arena with all these people using big rocket launchers and he finds out that he and Malek are forced to fight for all of eternity. Then the portal sucks them both back to the real world, then sushi takes out a really huge dead fish and slaps Donkey with it then donkey... explodes into a bunch of smaller donkeys... who eat sushi alive... ...but then, Sushi respawned and jumps onto turricans back and beats on the back of his head with a fish. Then turrican... dies due to a genetic defect Then Bin Laden spawns out of nowhere... ...Then sushi starts whacking Osama Bin Laden with a fish forcing him to... and then luther with the double 357s bursts in and shoots him because a sci with two 357s is such a cool idea. Then sushi starts whacking Osama Bin Laden with a fish forcing him to...   
  
Eat the fish... which gives him... A lump the shape of a fish which... Then, George W. Bush appeared! He says, "I am a smelly purple elephnat with a fat anus!". ( We find out later it was a drunken bet made by Dick Cheney. Then Warm grape slaps him silly with his giant tuba of doom and says, "Get off my planet you big doghnut in a clown suit!!!" ( Very heroic!!! ) Then bread fell and the monkey died of a broken heart. Meanwhile... ...at the white house.... Honking Donkey, Turrican, Burnout64, Blackmage, Sushi, Sankis, Sven, Mad Jonsey and xorr were fighing of ninjas that are planning to destroy the world with a giant deathray of death and they were losing the battle...........badly   
  
(already respawned 100times in all, sven only respawned once but swinging that giant battle axe is making him fatiqued) because Blackmage was trying to force Honking Donkey to be his trusty stead and Burnout64 was all yelling at Sushi because he was purposly killing himself by abusing the self-destruct button on his arm, continuosly blowing himself and Burnout64 out of the building and taking his kills. Meanwhile, in the oval office, Sven and Turrican were killing everyone using thier double assult rifles and shotguns. While Sankis, Mad Jonsey, and Xorr were all posing for a magazine while thier fellow comrades are all yelling and blasting the sh*t out of the the ninjas! But then... Chubby the Chumtoad appeared.... .....and sushi slapped him with a fish because..... He looked like a ninja. All of a sudden... Sven and Turrican ran out of ammo! They had no way to hold off the Evil Alien Ninjas! Just then a bunch of Sweet half-life scientists burst in, with gauss guns and mp5s and luther with his double 357s! The scientists kill the ninjas, but the Deathray of Death still needs to be deactivated But the off switch was too far away! So then Sniper came in! But Turrican told him that a bullet would destroy the button and their would be no way to turn it off! So he loaded his sniper rifle with Sushis Fish and shot it at the button and... *ricochet (spelling) sound*..it was too big and broke the rifle! The only other way to turn it off was to... ..press the off button... which was out of reach. So Turrican used his colourful magic to turn the button off! and the world was saved... By Turricans colourful magic! and so they all lived happily ever after... Whereas Luther, the Double357 sci, went in other adventures, saving galaxies and thwarting evil. 7 years later, The sven coop team was called to save the white house from mean, big headed aliens with blasters. So we went in and...... It was too late, the house was torn down... ...because Blackmage was still trying to use honking donkey as his might stead, holding up the brave sven coop team. Suddenly... As the group looks around the rubble the group fell into a hole were they lost 50% of thier health and were faced to face with a battalion of aliens with blasters and ninjas with fish led by non other then.... SUSHI!!! It seemed hopeless, but then, out of the skies appeared.... ....Friendly Garg, who started to.... Eat Sushi... but then spat him out and sushi hit Xorr causing Xorr to melt because of the wasabi in his viens Then Nomble walks in and says... Ha ha... you all shall now fall to my alien forces...ha haha. but then... Luther with the double 357s bursts in and kills Nomble (again). Luther then leaves (again). and then bob-o falls from the sky and lands on his back VERY hard.. making him go "ouf!" That Ouf sound caused all of the alein assasins to... Turn their attention to Bob-o and kill him... which caused bob-o to wait the dumb 2 seconds to respawn-because-map-authors-wont-put-a-trigger-push-on-their-respawns and he telefragged one of the aliens..   
  
"HEY EVERYONE, KILLYOURSELFS ANBD TELEFRAG THEM ALL!!!"   
  
So then another telefraggin orgy ensued for about.... a millenia... m... (finish writing milinium! ;) Milenia is a word, genius.   
  
any way: BACK TO THE STORY   
  
AFter that we were all old so we lived happily ever after....thn studdenly All hell breaks loose as.. bob-o shoots sushi intull he becomes a spot on the wall and is contantly yelling rants about not caring about melina being a word and a lot of people dont know that nor study the dictionary. Suddenly... ...Bob-o starts to melt as wasabi from sushi slowly eats him away. While that was happening... George W. Bush walks in and screams, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HOUSE??" ...then we all get deported... ...to Mexico, where Phobos was suggesting that if Turrican likes Luther so much, then he should change his name, get married to him, or please SHUT UP!! Turrican then... Decided to get married... ...to Luther. Then some Alien Terroists came and tried to destroy everyone. Then sushi took out his fish and started to slap them to death because the fish was... Angry but after about killing 2 1/2 ninjas the fish went nuts and started to kill everyone to death until honking donkey honked so loud it killed the fish splattering wasabi all over donkey, slowly eating him away. Then Blackmage explodes because of... Constipation. Then... ...Xorr exploded because of... bad sushi in his stomach (sushi doesnt appreciate getting eaten i bet) and then Turrican and Luther got married and spent thier honeymoon in... ... Phobos' stomach, where they met ragingtofu. They then proceeded to find their way out of Phobos' stomach (you don't even WANT to know how), and they killed Nomble just for the fun of it. Then Nomble used the +reload on a medkit and respawned as a walking corpse, but then he forgot that it was fixed in 2.0 and he was stucked there. So he started spamming messages about how he was gonna fuck up Svencoop and about how the msg boards created a new nomble ect, until... Sankis came in and said... that he likes to eat food, then he stood on Nombles corpse and shot it for a few hours (he's got infanite ammo! wooo!)   
  
then Nomble... exploded into a desk which was.... (I know most of you are going to hate me for this one) ... skydiving .... and landed on Mad Jonsey, who then... proceeded to tie up Nomble and let him go skydiving with a garg for a parachute MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! while Nomble was falling... ...Phobos married FriendlyGarg... and they went on a double honeymoon with Turrican and Luther(that little trip in Phobos' stomach wasnt the most fun so they decided to have another one), but while they were out... something strange was happening in the world of Pokémon... Turrican, Fgarg, Phobos, and Luther were all mysteriously teleported there.... Phobos, ran into a Pikachu that scared the crap out of him, so he blew it up, then... (Hell, im bored)   
  
Team Rocket jumped out of the bushes!   
  
"Prepare for trouble   
  
Make it double   
  
To protect the world from devastation   
  
To unite all peoples within our nation   
  
To denounce the evils of truth and love   
  
To extend our reach to the stars above   
  
Jesse   
  
James   
  
Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light   
  
Surrender now or prepare to fight   
  
Meowth, that's right!" what the hell... Nobody gets my sense of humour And then All the sc members were like, oh...pokemon were scared. they all pulled out...cocks....Then sushi got there somehow and wacked all the pokemon with a spiked, steel, fish of death. After that they were all.... ...dead, and thus people stopped posting in the "games "... Which caused the webserver to... ...be hacked by a fish... what was all wet because it came out of the river. The fish didn't find any security holes and then left and became an evil cracker.. The fish then hacked into PHL and errased everything in thier SQL database and their backups, Forcing PHL to loose all of their previous news listings, POTD captions, etc etc..   
  
Suddenly... for no apperant reason, casued the dimise of modern civilazation... and activated a long unknown glitch in sven-coop..... the SALMON BUTTER and CHUBBY glitch..... causing salmon butter to rain from the sky, and all enimes and players to turn into chubbys.. eccept for the newest player to join the server.. ShAdOw... who saw the horible events taking place and.... decided to kill chubby in svencoop1.... But... relising that all the weapons had been spawned into chubbys... had to use the only thing avalibe... SALMON BUTTER!!! *DUN DUN DUNHHHH*... when suddenly the salmon butter changed into the ever useful lung buttethat changed into a black hole which sucked in...   
  
r (thats snot) When then proceded to change into a really really large pile of dirt... Everybody into Xen. Then something really bad happend…Xen had been transformed into a TACO BELL! shocked at the strange(er) events everybody... Ordered a Taco Supreme... ...with extreamly hot sauce and a case of altoids... everybody ate them at the same time... the hot sauce hit the altoids causing a HUGE explosion! then... A huge chunk of xen blew apart causing a chain reaction eventually leading to the invention of chedder cheese ..melt... ...covering everyone in swiss cheese. then sushi whacked blackmage, turrican, and Malek with a fish because he felt like it and to... the ocean we all went... ....then fgarg started to sink in the water because of.... his armor-that-cant-be-hurt-by-bullets-but-can-be-by-any-explosive-device being heavy THEN, a submarine exploded because fgarg farted plasma out of his ass because of.... skydiveing too much... ...then a female garg teleported and started to... also sink due to her armor-that-cant-be-hurt-by-bullets-but-can-be-by-any-explosive-device being heavy... when she sank somehow another peice of xen blew up leading up to the invention of rubber bath toys Then suddenly, Out of nowhere, The Rubber Duckie song bust in and everyone started to dance disco.   
  
Rubber duckie, Your the one. Rubber duckie, You make bathtime lots of fun. Rubber duckie I'm awfully fond of you... the song eventualy stoped and eveyone stoped danceing but when they stoped dancing a huge chunk of xen blew up leading to the creation of earth which caus And now for somthing completely different. Nomble came back?? Suddenly, Out of the deep blue sky, Gordon says hello. And Nomble is still staning and looking at Gordon, becurse Gordon is dead! So get over it, then Nomble shooted Gordon 40tiems in da face, and it came blood and gore, so nows Gordon deead! Happy? Are you!? then gordon got up and ate Nomble. Then everyone threw a party! But the celebration was interrupted when... Nomble came back. As an ugly monkey. And Nomble the fat ugly monkey then sat on the party and killed everybody, soo all the souls from the party members was stuck in Nomble butt. hole.. Meanwhile, in Japan... Where the the evil cat Nomble was fighting godzilla and of course godzilla won, all the Japs had Cat that night, but there was something wrong with it...pretty soon the whole colony were zombified, until all the souls of the svencoopers returned to... the moon.. which caused.... ...the moon.. to fold... into the space-time continuum where they go to an alternate universe were nomble actually makes sense and bob-o owned the most crappy server in sven coop..... which would be really freaky...   
  
Suddenly, Somthing from the ground... came out..... a giant robot with flashing eyes that gave everyone seizuers and since only honking donkey was color blind he was able to kill it with his m4a1(or mp5 if u dont have hdpack) and save the svencoopers from being seizurized exept for nomble who was seizuring in front of the doorway......... just before the doorway exploded, causing... Nomble to come back... as THE BLOB! but turrican is blind, so Nomble came back as a, oh yes a devilcat. which was in blobby form But NOOO, It wasnet a blobby form, it was a cat form! Ok then...   
  
It was a fat cat that was so fat that it was described as a blob. No no no, i think you got the wrong glasses. It was a Nomal DEVILcat! oh come on i was trying to make a happy medium.   
  
You said cat, i said blob, Cat so fat its a blob! Then the other guy askes, WTF is a blob??   
  
Then Friendly Garg came to visit the games section in orbit, he said the following:   
  
please stop this!!   
  
Nomble and turrican decided to stop this conversation, and this caused.. Nomble to come back.... and then, Nate, fed the cat too much grease and lays potato chips and the devil cat grew, fat and, slow, and started turning blueish, and grew armor, until it looked like a gargantua.. Then Nomble the big fat blue cat, destroyed..... ...Himself because he was unhappy. But before he died, he... left a message saying... "poopy pants".... which was a clue to the mystery, Chubby Dubby doo and sluggy went to go investigate the poopy pants motel, and there they found! ...poopy pants... that for some odd reason smalled like crap ...on a stick.. on the suit of the G-Man... that was used with a poopenstick to invent cream cheese Bam boom bam boom bam bom! The cream chease people did not like their creator so they created a gigantic mecca thingy box to trap their creator, PoopieStick in the box. Then, everyone forgot that there was their creator, PoopieStick still in the box and they thought the box was hollow, So, they started using the box as a landfill, covering up PoopieStick with much garbage and smelly-slippery-things... BUT.... Q3 poped up, teh game where you just, shot and shot and shot and shot and shot and shot and finally shot some people. and then, the creme cheese people killed nomble, this time for good, sadly memories still existed, like the time... ..he was banned.. this time he is truly dead in the story thread so we can have a good WITHOUT Nomble. ..and everyone shouted "Amen." .... Nombles back! is what Nomble screamed, then he died, and no one cared and we went on with the story about... Can we PLEASE just start a story now instead of Nomble dying and being reborn over and over again? Ok lets put it this way - Nomble was a Hero in another Universe and had to return. There! Now can we have a story? After turrican talked, sushi came up behind him and whacked him in the back of the head with a fish knocking him unconisous. But then... Turrican actually decided he wasnt going to be in the story and any body called Turrican in the story wasnt him uless he said so. Then ragingtofu got in the Metal Slug.... Sushi missed me by hitting my magical barrier: and he got pwned... then, guess what? Nomble came back... ... but nobody really cared. ...so everyone ignored him... so as the svencoopers try to escape the alternate dimension leaveing turrican because he didnt want to be part of this story any more. They also left tha resurecting nomble because no one cared about his stupidity....... Turrican decided if he was going to be out of the story he was going to take Nomble with him so in a heroic style he grabbed Nomble and jumped into a black hole! Guess what? Nomble came back, Just kidding.   
  
When Nomble flied into the blackHole A strange cloud came over the lands of chubbys. the cloud poisoned all the Chubbys and made them evil, so when the Human visitors came they killed them and stole their spaceships and went to Earth where they... were eaten by the sleeping gigantic cat Nomble. ...But the sad pathetic cries for attention by nomble we're no answered and... the chubbies landed and murdered all the fat ladies. Only one man/woman/thing could save the world and he/she/it was... A mouse named ed... ...that did stuff and... killed Secret Agent..... All of a Sudden Chubby appeared! running away from a bunch of headcrabs Then suddenly BMTwigzta started to incult Nomble over INQ.... ...but no one cared... so the headcrabs and chumtoads went into a hundred year war............. until Secret-Agent made the day BABY w000t!!!!!!   
  
And the epic story ended. This is leanord nemoy. Goodbye, and keep watching the skiis. Err....skies. The world has been saved or something! Gordon accomplished absolutley nothing in his journey to unclog the toilet. This, yet again is Leanard nemoy. Good night and keep watching the Skies.   
  
The End.!!! Until next part. 


	7. Part 7

Tell a story 7!  
  
One day... a big fat.. Dog was walking... in a cast with a leg broken in 3 places ...because his leg was broken in a... meat grinder... ... and then the dog suddenly caught on fire. ...and became a hot dog.. on fire... and Otis appeared out of nowhere and... ate it up... ... and then his picture was posted on www.somethingawful.com... Otis ate the Hot Dog and got HeartBurn. He spent the rest of the day groaning in pain and didn`t even notice when an Alien Slave teleported in front of him. The Slave thought he was a Hologram as he doesn`t respond to him and left. After 1 hour, Otis started to scream and shout "ALIENS! ALIENS! HELP!" and soon collapsed due to Hi-blood pressure. ...then a barney in a PCV vest came and... ...guarded a door.. and he... guarded a door... which supposedly led to the G-Man`s bedroom where he kept all the Female workers at when they are off-duty. Just then, Coporal Shephard stumbled by and demanded entry, which was rejected. So Shephard took out the Barnacle grapple and started to... ...masturbate, then he... Barnacle the gman's face.. Which caused gordon's face to melt. Suddenly... a lost temple which was found by... AHH! HOMER! Who then proceded to... ... make a peanut butter sandwich, because mom's like you choose Jiff™ .... but then ragingtofu gets slapped across the face with a fish by sushi, who notices that ragingtofu isnt a mom so he... started a huge skydiving battle with... ...martians.. ...that... have allied themselves with Osama Bin Laden & Al-Qaeda.. but they died so the martians went home and nothing happend for 73 years... ...until Haley's comet came back... and then it left to crash onto the earth.... and everyone ignored the comet because they were trying to figure out which world were in... so the comet was just there but wasnt just there it was there MENECINGLY what secrets could this menecing comet have gold? tresure? Beer and hokey sticks? or something else? Inside the Meteor was HALF LIFE 2!   
  
Sushi picked up the disk but hit it with his fish until it was broken, so the angry gamers approached him and... ...got all ballet on his ass.. While Turrican constructed a time machine to go back in time and retrieve the HL disk. But something went wrong and the device opened a hole into another dimension. Some alien grunts came out of the hole but just then the really cool HEV Scis from SHL burst in with gauss guns and killed all the aliens.   
  
The HL2 disk also came through the hole. They put it into the CD drive and then... ..but they respawned into.. air, but Turrican didnt and he checked out the HL2 disk from the future. He put it in the disk drive but just then the house was stormed by swat troopers who came for the disk. Turrican was outgunned so he hid in a closet. He saw them take the disk and then they left. He was about to go and get revenge but he decided that watching TV would be the best idea. while turrican was watching tv honking donkey got the disk back and started to play hl2..... unfourtunaly the game is not done no animations, a big box as a level and some scientist that u cant interact with. The disk was crappy so he threw it away. After he threw da disk away he was bored and decided to go on an adventure that will not do to accomplish his goal ... making sentences that people can understand so that... ...they could understand.. unfourtunalty no on could understand so the everyone decided to block the bathroom so Nomble shit hiself because he could no longer hold his bowels. Surprisingly enough Nombles shit wasn't just shit, it was skydiving shit! The skydiving shit then... ...skydove.. into a pit of shit Then Malek saw how mature this story was going and requested that the topic change before he kicked everyone's teeth in, so in response they... yell **** Off! ....and they also said "w00t" because.. ....some of nombles skydiving shit came and sushi took a fish and slapped... Malek so he shut up... but suddenly a huge lump started to grow from the side of malek's head and kept growing into the shape of an all purpouse, generic donkey... that could talk! and it said... "Hi, I like corn."... ...then sushi slapped it because... it liked skydiving corn ...then the kingdom of sushi was invaded by skydiving marines because in sven coop 2.0 there was a pic of skydiving then a skydiving marine came and started to skydive because the osprey pilot started to talk about skydiving because the kingdom of sush was being invaded then that marine couldnt take it any more so he started to skydive out of the osprey to the kingdom of sushi but then the osprey pilot started to skydive because the osprey pilot was talking about skydiving in sven coop 2.0 and then tha marine that was in the osprey started to skydive into the kingdom of sushi which he was invading with the skydiving osprey pilot and then the marine said shut up because the skydiving osprey pilot was talking about skydiving in sven coop 2.0 and then the marine jumped out of the osprey and started to skydive into the kingdom they were invading which was the kingdom and then he was followed by the osprey pilot who was still talking about skydiving when he saw the pic of skydiving in garg hunt 3 then the marine he was talking to in the osprey jumped out to his objective which was to invade the kingdom of sushi but then, behind him was the osprey pilot who was talking about skydiving and he said shut up then they both hit the ground and died because the pilot was... the pilot was DIABLO THE LORD OF TERROR But seeing as how Diablo is the Lord of Terror, not the Lord of Destruction, as Baal is, every pointed and laughed at donley's mistake. ...but then sushi came up and slapped agent with a fish with "dunce" scribbled on it because agent spelled donkey wrong so everyone pointed and laughed at him for his mistake. Then... ...and everyone pointed and laughed at sushi for forgetting to add commas in many areas such as after the word 'wrong'.. ...then honking donkeys english teacher comes and... ...bans nomble, drunk monkey, donkey, and other people who make no sense some times... ...then donkeys teacher bans everyone in the story because he was skydiving and then sushi started reapeating himself in long pointless paragraphs that have no punchuation at all then sushi and all the members in the story get banned because sushi is typing up paragraphs of him reapeating himself and he will shut up now because... then everyone stoped and stared because Story and a Story had merged. Everyone was happy for a few seconds, then bored, they continued the mayhem... ...then gordon came and tried to do what he was trying to do in the first story to unclog a toilet that was skydiving and... teh skydiving toliet got together with the other skydiving toliets that surprisingly hadn't hit the ground yet. So as gordon was uncloging his toilet he decided to crawl around vents, avoid headcrabs and kill stuff at the same time underground ... nothing happend ...except.. Mad Jonesy happends. Which is all that.. ... shouldn't happen... ever. ...but.. B.G.Y.-11 GOES AND ANNIHILATES ALL WHO HATE THE SHOW AND ALL WHO HATE THE THEME SONG... but honking donkey was not annihilated because he likes Big Guy and Rusty the boy robot. So with his powers of no sense he ran away like a coward.. but Undeadenemy was spared cause he has never watched the show. Angry that all his friends had been wiped out he threw BGY-11 into the dark pit of fire from which noone could return without Undeadenemys explicit permission. Undead also knew it was the real BGY-11 due to the fact t-hat he had an orgasmo ray that told him so... ...then Sushi came and slapped Undeadenemy with a fish because... AmericanBadAss forced him to with his strange and unusual powers... pissed, Undeadenemy ate Sushi. Then some clowns came and... ...then undead enemy spat out a fish and killed everyone... except for some cows in the corner of the room that were busy... ...being... cows... ...that were cow-a-licious.. then they all died and went to cow heaven where they... ...became Cow Angels.. where this guy named charlie made them go do a mission which was to blow up the anthrax... in a bag that…is filled with liquid... soup but, little pink candyes were trying to stop them by... ....candying them... with cotton candy... ...then... the cotton candy... charged....(at this point there was no music and let the load clap of feet steping on the ground) and the angels pulled out thier mighty swords (at this point let there be no sound and let the suspense set in) and the swords started singing "It's rainin men...".... ...Sushi took out a fish and... beat that sutpid bi*** to a puddle of goo for singing that stupid-a** song that gets into every male person's head and drives them nuts untill they explode. So the song was permanently banned from this story untill further notice.   
  
But then, Stange Smelling Long Hair Man appeared... HOLY CRAP ITS RAINING MEN!!!!! ...then the fish sushi had started to... Suddenly bob got depressed and decided to simply not finish converting this form to a readable play-type document up to the 1000'th post.   
  
honking donkey was also banned from my server.   
  
But then Stange Smelling Long Hair Man appeared once again and... And bob realized that he meant to bitch above sushi..   
  
Thus fucking up the story.   
  
Continuing..   
  
Stange Smelling Long Hair Man appeared once again and... ...danced the night away.... until noone else was around because they all looked like Fabio (SP?) the Fabio's ran around and... advertised his product PROFUSELY until the dinner rolls which infected the whole team, then the Hairy man turned into a Llama and bounded away for ....financial freedom... until... ...something..... ...ate... ...food... that was... food But then the world blew up because the story was getting really, really crappy (no pun intended).   
  
Then everyone who was still interested in this niché part of the story were transported to the land of Sentient Bread. The bread(s), which were toasted earlier on, were now plentiful again, and had started a trade with Peanut Butter Town and Jellyville. In short, they were all happy. until they all died....because they were skydiving trying to unclog a toilet... which was pretty pointless, but most of the people thought their was a million dollars in the toilet, the others were just sick... while on earth, and out of Soochis dreams...   
  
The world was over come by the gmans minions, millions of innocent people were killed, the rest were enslaved, then the few brave ones, started a revolt against the Gman... ...then everyone points and laugh's at nate for spelling "sushi" wrong... and then Nate points out, He actually meant to do that and scoffs at the losers, then "I" appeared. But no one knew this guy named "I". So they killed him. ...then people started to skydive... until the gravity and any form of parachutes was illimenated from the story, and the stupid --- skydivers floated off into space,... where they orbited the earth forever... getting hit by asteroids from time to time and having a case of the common implodingnessness...   
  
the gman laughed at his devious skydiver killing plan and then the team of revolters busted through his apartment door   
  
"oh no, foiled again"said the gman, as he rocketed to a secret base unknown by only the people inside the secret base...it's so secret...uh...it's not known... the base was called Spong bob square pants school of skydiving... to outer space so you can orbit the earth while skydiving" Many people were tired of reading the signboard that they simply fell asleep on th doorstep, which led to G-Man`s.. death. And so ends another saga in Dragon bal.............errr i mean STORY.   
  
For 7 years the world was gman free, so because the human race was bored they decided to go to deep space for no good reason on a ship called the von bruon and then have 4 people turn into cyborgs where they will wake up and kill hybrids and rumblers n' stuff. sadly the SS Marathon starship crashed into the Von Braun and... the adventure ended thus ending another pointless 5-second story in the story but then another one poped up about... ...two seconds later about (W) Warm grape falling into a great big hole when somone vigourously poured... warm grape juice on (W) Warm Grape which made him insane and he let out a blood-curdling scream and started to eat other grapes until... THEN SUDDENLY THE BIG GUY BLASTED OUT THE FIRE PIT (because the B.G.Y.-11 can take the heat, see episode Wages of Fire) and attacked Osama's training camps (I know it's not the Big Guy's job, but Dwayne is feeling disgruntled)   
  
And then... ...some stuff.. Scared the crap outta (W) Warm Grape and he finally snaped out of his insanity. Realising the damage he had done, he snapped once more and then the whole process goes over and over again until.. ... ragingtofu appeared. He used the Admin mod to change the gravity to 0, make himself invincible, and give himself all the weapons. Then he got bored and left, causing the server to crash. Then the world blew up for the nth time. +1... and an orange soda with no ice... suddenly became and orange soda WITH ICE and an oversized fruit baskat with and afro and a long pieice of orange rope managed to make a break for the window but suddenly relized... ...that everything was really messed up... ...and that rope can't move without the appropriate cowboy attachment. Lacking any such plugin the rope decided to... ...sing yankee doodle...... (picking up from macros) decided to sing yankee doodle, the clean mix which then decided to eat the damn macros.. which caused warm grape to join my server and claim that he\she is female and causes a paradox. Then the hubble telescope began to... crack and explode and implode and... Was destroyed by the unexplained plasma explosion phonomenon at the edge of the universe which the very nature of it defied the fundamental law of E=MC2. So the scientists were trying to find out how an explosion so massive could origionate from the edge of the universe yet the light would be visible from Earth. The leading Astronomonisty guy discovered that it was possible because... All they had to do is to open and interdimensional portal and venture their way to Xen and then place satchels on Nihilanth`s head and seal it with tripmines and "walking dead" Blockerz until... until a flaming Nomble would appear and set Nihilanth on fire. Which caused a VERY foul smell to emminate from that huge scar on it's belly.... suddenly Undeadenemy returned and told BGY-11 he had already taken care of Osama, and that he was confused that he had not seen Osama roasting in the fire pit where BGY had been placed... ... and there was much rejoicing. and more rejoicing when BGY-11 exploaded for no aparent reason and the show stopped airing... Few milleniums later, the people forgot about the incident and continued to air the show. The show was getting very high ratings until.. the show went off the air... as a result of a large pink un house trained hamster which was nesting in git r-mans beard at the time.. ... but nobody knew what in bloody 'ell DrunkMonkey just said. So ragingtofu blew him up with the Holy Handgrenade of Antioch. And there was much rejoicing. Suddenly, a huge chin came down from space! It... suddenly exploded in to a fireball after being struck by some of Sierra Hotel's Air Intercept Missiles! Fox Two! Sierra Hotel flew back to base and landed on the runway. Later that day... he ate some DONUTS!! as well as some... SULFURIC ACID (He thought it was a new kind of beer) and...... then picked up a small hamster and deep fat fried it stuck it in a bun and put a wee bit of sauce and salt on it then ate dat too... and got very sick and threw up all over drunkmonkey and antiblockerzgrunt and their new shirts before going to afghanistan to kick bin ladens punk arse. but they couldn`t be fuked and jumped in a plane and half way to affgan they forgot how to fly and... who is they? errrrrrrr ummmmmmmmmmmm HMMMM ahhhhhhhh,,, EVERYBODY!! IN DA WORLD!!   
  
-that is high   
  
-yup ok lets get back to the story now?   
  
Then Colonel Sanders appeared.... to be doing the Y.M.C.A. on one of the wings... that was on fire... and then the wing fell off.. causing col. sanders to plumet along with the skydiving toliets who were STILL falling. then suddenly col. sanders took out a bucket of Fried Chicken and eat it, thinking that he can at least enjoy tasty fast food of his own before his death. But he was wrong.... cos he was out of fried chicken and only had deep fat frired mars bars.. ... so he threw away the deep fried mars bars. He then pondered why the chicken crossed the road, and then it dawned on him:   
  
That was the legendary chicken that he had not fried yet.   
  
And so started the Quest For The Legendary Chicken™. but then he realised that he was a magicisan so he ate an a M&M and he turned into a chicken... that was drunk... and very ugly.... Then something happend it blew up as well... ...then the scene switched to a plane where the skydiving gargs were skydiving into the skydiving world of... then sushi came skydiving and slapped drunkmonkey and nomble for spamming with an octopus....but not just any octopus, its a steel octopus..... then drunkmonkey came skydiving and ACCIDENTLY drove his knife into Sushi`s back oops he said while also shooting him in the head... ... and everyone and everything that was skydiving finally reached the ground. And there was much rejoicing. ...then sushi came back to life and beat the living s*it out of nomble and forgets about drunkmonkey... then drunk monkry turned into termintor and got sent back in time to elimanate nombles spamming grandfather!! unfortunatly he was unsuccsessful and in the future the apocalypse was upon us... in the form of small sports shoes... that were trying to be bought by Shaq... but suddenly he exploded!... ...a rocket launcher that caused the world to almost end... ... but (suprise!) the world didn't end! instead it was overtaken by thosed damned skydiving toliets that had just hit the ground, pulled out machine guns, and taken over using the stagnant water contained in them. then suddenly his machine gun exploded and spluted... but thousands more kept coming ... but suddenly, they all exploded, and toilet seats were sent flying in all direction.. but they came back to life because of this letter:   
  
November 22, 2001   
  
Mrs. Glendora Ramos   
  
3716 Rangely Dr.   
  
Raleigh, NC 27609-4116   
  
Dear Mrs. Ramos,   
  
In these days of computers and other fancy office equipment, the personal and friendly contact with people is sometimes overlooked. We want you to know how much we appreciate your past orders and this new opportunity to serve you.   
  
The enclosed acknowledgment lists the four items you ordered a few days ago. As in the past, we will carefully follow your instructions for processing and shipping.   
  
Although we appreciate receiving payment with an order, we want to remind you that prepayment is not required. If you prefer, you may simply enter your personal account number on the order form, and we will send a bill later. Your account number appears on your catalog address label.   
  
Cordially Yours,   
  
Miquel J. Maddox   
  
Mail Order Department   
  
Tm   
  
enclosure   
  
...then Phobos said wtf? and proceeded to... ... read from the Book Of Armamants, and after doing so, he pulled out the Holy Handgrenade of Antoch .... ...and placed it between his butt cheeks... then it exploaded and he died, but noone cared... ... but because the Holy Handgrenade was used improperly, the bunny rabbit with sharp, pointy teeth ripped everyone to shreds. ..and then it ate the remains of Phobos and barfed him back to life, the strain killed the bunny, but all of a sudden... ...the bunny morphed into a gargantua!! and all our heros had to defend themselves with were polish sausages!...   
  
so they all died but noone cared.   
  
Un: This sux   
  
All: Ya   
  
UN: Well, good thing I'm a necromancer cya all!   
  
All: HEY! Wait you can't just leave us here!   
  
*Undeadenemy comes back to life*   
  
then sushi came and slapped all the necromadic powers with an octopus of dispell...   
  
UE: What ya do that for?   
  
Sushi:I felt like it.   
  
UE: Thats no reason!   
  
UE: Feel my wrath!   
  
*Steam comes out of UE hands*   
  
UE: Whadda hell?   
  
Sushi: The fi-octopus took all your powers away   
  
UE: Damn...   
  
*UE dies*   
  
then sushi permanantly exploaded and the octopus gave Undeadenemy's powers back cause Undeads ghost brinbed Sniper to threaten to snipe it. Then Undead threw Sushi into the pit of fire where his powers are useless and he can never return without Undeads explicit permission (thats a mouthful) as always, I'll let you out sometime in the future after you get done chatting with Edcrab, Osama, and the Urinal with wings. Enjoy yourself! And so, they did enjoy themself. Osama had a nice chat with the urinal with wings, and Sushi enjoyed slapping people with an evil fish. Then they started to dance... ...and a gargantua came along and decided to guff on their heads, luckily for them... they had a staple gun and they stapled their heads back on, but then there was the matter of killing the gargantua... so they used the staple gun and it worked but... ...the garg was only stunned! they had run out of ammo, they decided to run... into a big deep hole filled with spikes and a kill_trigger at the bottom... floor which was the skydiving school... for the skydiving toliets... .....the team went in a bathroom and found the homer model sitting on a sky diving toilet... taking a shit but the shit was going out the other end cause the pipes weren't attached. Fearing death by drowning in the shit, everyone started to eat it... ...except shadow.....he just settled for a cup of tea instead and ate 3 bisquits by the way in the same time the others drowned in that brown stinky mass ... .....but the new breed of hagworm "Shit Leeches" ate the left over biscuits. ..... and the Shit Leeches lived happily ever after in the now overrun PlanetChubby. However, the Chubtoads hadn't given up on there planet yet, and several tank squadrons were fighting on a small penisula as they spoke. Luckily for the Chubtoads they had enlisted the help of several squads of SvenCoopers who were currently pushing the Agrunt hoards back. then SUDDNELY and without WARNING, mini g-man walked over theri, moved his tie and nodded his head and then it all went dark, and when it came light again all chubbys and worms were DEAD and also skydiving... ....snarks... dropped from airplanes bombers by the svencoop squads on agrunt bases. Then, since the "Story" has lost all touch with reality.... Mad Jonesy vomited all over the floor the bouncer then made him wipe it up with his face... ....then before they had time to finish 7 commando Llamas came into the bar by ropes, these llamas had been trained in the art of.... ....skydiving.. ...without parachutes... so they dided before they could do any harm... ... and skydiving was eliminated from The Story FOREVER. AND EVER. AND EVER. And, of course, there was much rejoicing. So everyone thru a party rejoicing from no mroe sky diving and they had a good time until ......... skydiving started up agian for no apparent reason so Shadow Eliminator shot himself to end the pain. However, Undead decided there was no suicides and that everyone should stick it out so he brought him right back to life. Then, out of nowhere, Shadow appeared vaporizing the surondings..... Pulling out a freashly baked muffin, he climbed mount everest and declared "I R R00k0r j00r d44dys!!"   
  
Meanwhile..on that tram in space the G-man and Gordon are talking and Gordon excepts. Then Gordon walks in the portal only to be teleported to.... ...a large stream with hundreds of samon spawning left and right! Suddenly Gordon looks up and notices a big-ass bear hunting the fish... But Gordon notices hes wearing the fish suit and the bear is chassing him so he... kills james bond and Parkey from Red Faction for hitting on his girl Eos.... .....shadow got up from being mildly stunned and 3 MORE Commando Llamas came in UNDETECTED through the vent system... But 2 friendly assasins comes to your aid... and the commandos date the assassins so you run away to.. english grammar and spelling curses.... Which reminds bob-o that it's his turn to rule. But then suddenly an english TEACHER apeared... and its Bjarte, the evil english teacher from hell The evil English teacher made everybody diagram sentences (NOOOOOOOOOO!!). AND SING ALONG WITH SONGS (the pain) BUT!...Worst of all his favorite song to sing was... the BARNEY THEEM SONG! (purple dinosaur Barney)   
  
Worst of all he made you sing it... But some rebels were tired of it so they set out with a team to Kill him so they... slit his throat and he laughed gayly then fell over dead... So, now that the teacher was dead, it was time to embark on the Quest For The Golden Chicken™. So they went to KFC and bought 10 pieces of cripsy chicken 2biscuts and a side order for only $9.99!...so they foudn the golden chicke and it was time to.. ..go to school... But the teacher was dead so they cancled classes so they decided to... trash The White House, after that... They captued OSAMAMA BINLADEN and tied him to a chair and proceeded to stick a probe up his... rectum So they got tired of doing that so they got a plane flew way up high shuved a rocket up his butt and lit it and watched him fly down to earth where he.... ...was shot down by Anti Aircraft guns.... and flamed by thosands of newbies who always says bin LOLen... SO Binladen shuved another rocket up his butt and flew back to Afganistan where he... UNNERVOUSLY BOUGHT ALL THE TABLES OF THE WORLD, and fitted them with automatic internet linked toaster`s!!! now with all the tables wat was bind LAAAAAden gonna do??? He was gonna stack them up and try to crawl to heaven but God saw it an flicked the bottom table causing BinLaden to fall and fall and hit the ground and the ground would break sending BinLaden to Hell where he... would meet Ana and the king... then suddenly everyone remembered that Osama was burning in the pit of fire Undeadenemy had created. Confused everyone soon realized that it was an imposter Osama, they proceeded to kill him for being such a fucking ass pervert fagget! Moving on they cleaned up the White House the Rune had trashed then kill Rune. After that they had a picknick in the BasketBall court/Skatepark that was formerly known as Afganistan... but as they were having there picnic a bunch of pyscho maniacs jumped out and demanded our MAYO! so he gave them a jar full of pickles in mayo..and they got mad and chassed us so we all ran to... ... a dimensional warp, which brought them to the land of sentient bread once again. the maniacs died a horrible death and then died... and they spawned in Atlantis and walked out the door and was crushed by the tremendos power but then they spawned at... ...disney land!.. ... and it just so hapened that ragingtofu was there. Suddenly, Half-Life 2 smacked him in the head, so he used the displacer to transport himself home (boy those things are handy). But before he could install Half-Life 2:-the fake.... He threw it out cuz he saw the words pinted on the back thar said "THE FAKE!" ..... and it was fake... because the fake had been made at the fake factory at fake street of fake town in the middle ofthe month fake which had been created by fake the god of fake `s of the fake ammargadden... ... so then the REAL Half-Life 2 fell out of the sky and smacked him in the head (which is pretty hard to do when you're inside). But before he could put the REAL Half-Life 2 disk in his drive .... It yelled.. ""ALL YOUR BASE R BELONG TO DRUNKMONKEY!!!"".. so the PC crashed! and the monitor blew up in his face!!!!!! So Drunk Monkey ran around with no face until Jonsey banned him..then everyone spawned at... The Shadow Realm!!!!!! it was being invaded by flying urinals with Cerebral Bores! they ducked behind the large statue of Shadow Eliminator and planned a strategy... which was to..... Send Nomble out and spam them so we could run and they... ... would continue to spam untill the urinals turned the Cerebral Bores on themselves, and bored their brains out. But since the urinals didn't have brains, a paradox occured, and everyone was sucked in. then someone came along and said, 007 keep Nomble out of this! and then left with out a sound... But just then one of the sentient breadies approached and... said.. BING-BONG ching chung diccccaaaa dong ddaaackk. CHICKENS!!!!.... ... but it wasn't a scientist, it was a... uh... er... A really gay grunt!... and a really small feild mouse.. and a headless baboon smoking a spliff out of it's ass and they all.... went to assramistan to gun down Bin Laden with the help of the svencoop team.... and a large unforgivven leacky pen, and the pope... smoked.... dope with a goat which was partial to... smoke.. and it... smoked a petrol bomb.... and it... thought nomble was smoking something too. the goat screamed the words: "keep Nomble out of this!" and left without a sound... apart from the words. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH CHEEEEEEE HAAAG BANNNAA ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and wing fang... and then he exploded.. suddenly the ground opened up! The sun glowed dimly and the trees were uprooted by the vicious storm! New life was granted in the deep seas, demons wandered in the woods and flying creatures flew in the blood red skies, twisted trees grew high over the grey mountains and where lakes had been were now smoldering craters! They tumbled into the Abyss of fire and fell into a dark cavern lit by flaming skull laterns! The shadow ahead lurched towards the svencoop team with it's huge axe and bastard sword. It swung for Nomble with its heavy axe. Nomble Shreaked: " AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...wtf?" Nomble lurched as all that stuff vanished as quickly as it came. but then it came back! for a brief two seconds and nomble tried to shoot himself. BUT... friendly fire was off... and the bullets morphed through nomble's head, hitting the giant blob thing that was about to chomp nomble, and everyone else in the level's head off. But since the monster got shot in the face, which mangled recognition, the monster fell down, triggering a violent env_shake to occur as it landed. The env_shake was so powerful; it threw the players about the level and dispersed all of the weapons far away from their original location. Once everything settled, everyone suddenly teleported next to the big monster blob. The blob, being yellow and green, was absolutely hideous. Its face was not recognizable anymore due to the face shot from nomble. The crater it had created was humongous in size. The monster's jaw, covered in orange blood, was starting to bubble red goop that was dripping from it's eye sockets. Just then, Bob-o launched a grenade towards the blob's giant protoplasmic sack, which promptly absorbed the grenade. The grenade didn't go off as it normally would because it didn't violently decelerate. Bob-o launched several more into the protoplasmic-goopy-sack and spawned about 274 more pairs and launched those as well. Growing tired of the grenades not exploding inside the protoplasmic sack, Bob-o found a normal fragmentation grenade and threw it into the sack, in banana-mode, causing all of the contact grenades to explode. It was the equivalent of a 10-megaton explosion that only hurt bob-o. Bob-o's now mangled and goopy-shit covered corpse flew a few hundred yards back and slammed into a rocky wall, causing his limbs and torso to instantly separate into little bits resulting in a large mess on the walls. The explosion also sent the yellow and green protoplasm hurtling everywhere through the map, covering everything for a radius of 3 miles, even throughout the air ducts. The players, not affected due to the FF mode, were also covered with the protoplasmic crap. The only thing that remained of the giant blob creature was the zombie that was sulking through the halls about 60 pages ago (or something... a long time ago), which now recognized Gordon and began to sulk towards him. Since Gordon was covered in the protoplasmic shit, Gordon wasn't able to move, the zombie was just close enough to slice him in half with his new Ginsu claws. The zombie reared his arm back and swiftly hurtled it towards Gordon's neck when... ...the headcrab on the zombies head started to... wonder why the hell Nomble came into the story... and THEN tey all exploded... in 5minutes.. .of... Pure Pleaureful Bliss..... then everyone went "WTF?" because this story was being told in past AND present tense, which leads to crazyness... yet it did not cos drunk monkey interveened!!! so it happened within the 5 mins of the future happening of the past which could not happen cos time does not exist only a flow flooing that cannot go backwards so it didn`t happen and the entire universe didn`t and so... everyone remained confused so it started a chaos.... one ruled by drunk monkey. His ramblings could be heard throughout the lands but a resistance rose up and... 7 devil worshipping chickens appeared and said.... *do not do drugs* ... and since the people wore scared of the chickens, they did not do drugs, and, therefore, big tobacco was forced to go out of business, solving all the world's problems. then the chickens... Exploded... into... ... Evil Chicken Pieces, which then sucked the Sven Co-op team into the most horrible, horrible place you could think of:   
  
An anime movie with bad dubbing. Mickey Mouse: The movie. Which for some reason became a big hit in the UK... and they all named their babys to Mickey... ... but soon, another crappy movie that premiered in the US was a huge hit in the UK. That movie was.... Yet another crappy Pokemon Movie: Gotta Kill Em All, Which was actually the best of the lot. Merchandise was released when the craze hit the UK. including headless Pokemon and.... gay porn.... Even Charles was caught playing with some of the merchandise... ... and then, because things were getting way too weird, the story suddenly changed. and so they left Headless Pokemon and gay Pokemon porn behind and they ventured to the land of Chocolate.....where they found... lots of German tourists... That played dodge ball 24/7 with stones and sticks then someone lost an eye. off their favourite action man figure... yelled kept yelling ACTION MAN THE GRATEST HERO OF THEM ALL! and then a pocket sized dairy cow was taken out of a german's pocket and said... "I told ya homeboy!" ...now milk me like you mean it! ... and everybody got freaked out as they suddenly realized that the cow could talk!! in seven languages including italian.   
  
aiuto! sono una mucca e sono stato attaccato in questo equipaggio la tasca per ottanta sette anni e puzza di formaggio giù là! have.got prego aiutarlo! mungalo mentre voi ancora!!!!!! della latta and started to rap AZN pride songs!   
  
Its the AZN ------ fuk da res dallas to newyork jigga we da best vietnam to japan to mongolia, philippenes to taiwan to cambodia korea ahh huu hometown china who u got huh? U got shit ----- feel the size its the AZN better recognize.........(i know the leriques but u guys add on to the song) .. blah blah blah, la de frikkin' da. the song was accompanied by the bald guy with the tinted glasses from the David Letterman show... and then he got killed by... Letterman and all the sudden, all the members of the story lost their penises. and black baby jebus cried And then everyone on the story (sort of) got their penis back. but its was a dark conspiracy... so everyone was dragged into a country that was run by the Taliban. However noone would take that kind of rules so they slaughtered them all using... democracy, freedom, and britney speares new single ... but the single wasn't enough, so they had to use the new Backstreet Boys CD, which made the enemy's heads explode. Then gordon came and started to sing with the backstreet boys and then Adrian came and... ATE THE CHEESE OF POWER *put heroic music here* Then adrian started beating gordon up and Barney Calhoun came in and started laughing when a group of grunts jumpped him and beat him up... so there was much rejoicing. so they all.... got drunk and played hockey with sticks... suddenly walter felt the urge to smack Gordon in the face with the hockey stick as hard as he could. and he did it... thus, walter got sued for a dented skull that he gave to gordon and walter countersued gordon for the huge amounts of innocent scientist he killed during the incident, Then out of no where adrian showed up a said he is sueing gordon for 412891231100000000000 dollars for the huge amounts of lost marines, then the we must let animals and aliens live commity sued gordon for commiting genocide on the poor xen defenceless aliens, in other words walters gonna get sued by one person while gordon is 50000 percent skrewd However, the G-man turned up with his army of Black-Ops lawyers... who sued Gordon back to the stone age. and then they all ate some bacon sandwhiches and lived, HAPPILY EVER AFTER... ..The End....? NOPE! Suddenly the toilet overflowed and put them right back where they started... and so the cycle continued, for ever , UNTILL ONE DAY gman ran out of pencils so he had to jump backwards while on fire saying yakkaaa and trying to do the funky gibbon dance to create a polystyreone box.. but a rip in the space time continum caused the whole story to start over when gordon was trying to unclog a toilet while he crawled thru vents killing headcrabs avoid a military death squad and so on and so forth   
  
but the story is to be told differently.. diffrent.... and so the entire world changed and so gordon wasn`t a scientist he was a, hot dog sales man in a small village of pokesvill under the name of alan freeperson... Then the space-time contiueum turned Gordon back to Gordon and warp him to UT where he had to fight Xan Kregor! ... Ofcourse the Gorons were screwed because this Xan Kregor thingymajig stole all the goron's rocks and they had nothing to eat! So the gorons went to have Gourmet rocks in never never land. But they never did! so.... gordon decided to unclog his toilet while skydiving so the skydiving toilets returned to the story for another invason... until they crashed down in the white house..... .....which hurt.... so damn much... that it hurt... much.... ... more than you could ever imagine. And there was much rejoicing. so everyone died... ... except for me. You know why? 'Cuz I had my tray table up, and my seat back in the full upright position! but a loose article of bagage fell on ragintofus head and died and everyone found themselves in the burning pits of hell... and the english turned into Hugtican…Shortly after that, I came back to life with a bit of help from Undeadenemy (oh sure, I'm missing a few limbs, but that's not the point). then the guy 'I' died becuarse of a heartattack.... and he too end up in hell. He was there forever..until, he did a good thing in hell and was allowed to reincarnate into...Ragingtofu 2! but then the brave 'I' died once again... Then Undeadenemy revived himself after waking up in the burning pit of hell and reincarnated ragingtofo... and the lord shined heavely on this day. ...on his rounds, a small story was spotted. And the lord doth bless the story with... skydiving toilets (dont you just love them) that was made in hell by satan productions. Then they were killed midair by the Germans in the movie "A Bridge Too Far" and the film companys started to pump out half made world war II movies to the cinemas... ... and for some strange reason, people accualy liked the over-hyped, steryotype (hey, that rhymes) movies. until everyone went to... a GIANT DONUT!!... where they died in brain-cancer..... caused by anthrax they all inhaled from numbles fart then everything was so gosh darn wierd(think Michigan accent) that all there heads exploaded but one guy managed to survive... it was. MIKE THE HEADLESS CHICKEN! he knew he had too..... find the alien-egg-generator... then Nomble comes in and asks, 'Who the fuck are Numble?' then leaves without a sound... But a cow followed after Nomble... The cow didnt have good intention's at all! it attacked nomble.... but the cow knew that if you mess with the best.... it would be beef to dinner, so Nomble had a party alone then died becaurse he hated being in the story .... then instead off coming too heaven Or hell   
  
he came too (insert happy music here) THE MAGIC BAN LAND!   
  
and guess who approached him....sankis, Mad Jonesey,Commando, And THE ALL MIGHTY SVEN VIKING!   
  
Sven say's [Nomble in the flash, Or in the story. i've taken myself the liberty of relieving you of your penis, as most of them was spam proberty.But. i've read deep down into your mind GOD killer, i know your fear young warrior....Would you like too meet him ? MUHAHHAHAHAHAH *Step's back*]   
  
Mad jonesey aproaches.   
  
Mad jonesey : I MAY HAVE BANNED YOU ONCE, BITCH. BUT I WANNA DO IT AGAIN!   
  
GET READY TOO GET SLAIN! BY THE MAGIC BAN MAN!   
  
[Envirement chenges too a tempel like arena with holes in the wall's which leads too outerspace. Just like a time hole.   
  
Mad jonesey upgrades too [SUPA ADMIN SKILL 10 : ADMINISTRATOR: Me : NOMBLE !!!! HERE!! *throws a uzi and some weapons*   
  
Will nomble survive? find out. IN the next real reply!   
  
...Nomble checked the clip in his uzi, while he mumbled "lock 'n load", the he pulled his shoulders back and pushed his chest forward... and ran away becaurse to escape the terrible story of THIS story... but nomble came back no words picked up the uzi and went to the bathroom to ... get away from the story, because if anybody had any freakin' sense, they would leave Nomble out of it!!   
  
So, the story picks up with Honking Donkey. talking about a plan to throw swiss cheese out the window to shoot down an osprey that has been throwing cheese danish stuff at gordons base who fell oof a giant stalk then he went repunul repunsel where for art thou romeo then a horse falls on who and then honking donkey lost the story again and kindly asks drunk monkey to help him find it until 3 blind mice ate him then a cat with giant boots eat the mice then the woman in a shoe came out of no were… and killed the barney..... then barny......died and suddenly, out of now-where, a horde of hundreds of headcraps apears... and killed the barney when he was puting in the code so we´re stuck. so everyone screamed damnit stuck in crisis 2 for the next 12 hours the svencoopers must find a way to survive so they decided to play survivor and the one with most votes gets eaten. so after 9days there was only 1player left, then the map changed to crisis2 again so he was stuck in the spawnroom.... so the door remained shut for 1 hour until a guy showed up and said "Hi lets kick as......What the hell nooooooooooooo!!!!" the guy ate him and the guy stayed for another 3 hours until the server closed down and he found himself inside the computer.   
  
Prick your finger and it's done. The moon has now eclipsed the sun. The angel has spread his wings, the time has come for better things!   
  
This has nothing to do with anything... just like the rest of this story!!! YOU BROKE THE STORY! FIX IT!   
  
... back in the real world, a small groups of SC-players met in a deserted alley. They didn't know why they were here, but they knew they had a purpose... AND Madbopp flashed away and his little riddle taht was never a part in the story was forgoten... then nomble became bored with life and decided to rite a novel of his life........ It sold like a led balloon because no one understood the his ritin and he became a millioneer. and he took all the fricking money to get th hell out of the story!.. and then we warped back in time where Gordon Freeman faces his biggest threat yet, he has to... fix a cloged toilet, that was filled with... crawl through vents, kill aliens who get in his way and avoid the military clean up squads throughout Black Mesa! it was soo boring.... so Nomble spent all of his money on a nuke to... get revenge against Mad Jonesey. but then facehugger got bind of lying becaurse Nomble dosent need a revenge ageins Mad Jonesy... so nomble dissapeard without a trace, BUT SUDDENLY, BOB SAGAT APPEARD! he showed some good video's with annoying and bad inserted voice's, and then he told a joke and maked a symbolising bad laugh *very quiet : aha ha ha hah ha ha ?* he was trying too get the story member's too laugh, but the only thing that happend was.... the terrifying sight of MadBopp rising from his seat while drawing his sawedoff pumpgun and... Facehugger, reloading his gun. bob sagat ran, /me : DIE NIGGER!! *BANG BANG BANG* /me : doh, bob sagat isnt a nigger : anyway he ran, but not fast enough too avoid the strange *crack* sound from his chest, that came right after the *BANG* sounds .he went down with a robotic laugh (just like a walkman that run out off battery power) bopp and facehugger knew they had too get out off the building before getting sniped Or taken down by the swat team's. bopp had a idea, (Facehugger you idiot!) he wanted Facehugger to get out the backdoor and highjack a car and meet him in front of the building. And Bopp himself decided pop a couple of the directors at this silly show. When done, he burst out from the front door... *insert car hand brake sound here* GO GO GO! bopp enter's the car....they drive.....but something is not right, some is indeed not right at all...... ...you see Phobos was eating a.... donu... *Ahem* i mean Grapes.... and those grape's,   
  
had been in contact with bob sagat (that where you throw things up in the air in a circuler motion and catch them with the other hand) phobos knew he had too do something about it couse, he was already starting too think 'AFV' is fun.   
  
/me sees phobos on the road acting like a jerk *Make's a 360 spin brake*, couse the hand brake in general is too slow* , PHOBOS?! What HAVE they done too you ?! WAKE UP!!! ITS BS (bob sagat) THE DRUG, SNAP OUT OFF IT, TRY TOO REMEMBER!!!!   
  
ahhh, shit. we need too wake him up, we need his help.   
  
i know how too wake him!! : Svencoop, blocker's.... blocker's.... blocker's.... *Phobos : ohhh, my head... i remember something about blocker's it was : Blocker's Are : ...... (insert negative response in the next reply) ... zombies controled by Dracula! So ragingtofu grabbed the famous whip from the Castlevania series and proceded to destroy all zombie blockers. but the zombie blockers kept on coming, and Phobos remembered   
  
"thou canst kill that which is already dead, but you can blow it into tiny kibbles" so he layed the smackethdown on the zombies with a grenade launcher... but a grenade flew into the castle's septic tank and... and blew up the whole fucking place. so dracula was dead. and the rest off the zombie's became normal, but did the story member's have any mercy ? HELL NO! the story member's jumped too a quick snap conclusion, it was too....... re-eliminate george bush (he keeps coming back damn it...) so Phobos, Turrican, Malek, Sushi, Facehugger and the rest of the l337 story members went to DC, stormed the white house and... forgot wat to do and left While they were leaving The White House, MadBopp gained acces to The Black Mesa Research Facility via a hidden tunnel in the derset... just taht it was blocked by a fat homer.... But then MadBopp heard the sound of grunts comming closer. Now he was just waiting for them to kill the fat, stupid, faggot of a blocker... and so the grunts came, and homer bribed them off with the beer and hockey sticks so to get the homer to stop blocking, they had to... offer him 3 things,   
  
#1, a forbidden donut.   
  
#2, a free membership for the 'Abc' (anti barney clan)   
  
#3, a bonus blocking feature off donating too sven viking (unfortunetly, that bonus wasnt developed yet.)  
  
Homer was just a stupid blocker, who was easy to bribe. And he left as soon as he could... get a lipo-sucksion and got a gun without the waiting period!   
  
And the blocker's name was ''W|5HMASTER'' He claimed too run a anti blocker clan but was actually a blocker himself, anyway : He got the gun from the ''Chippiean'' Sven Viking work's in...sven knew he had done terribly wrong by selling a gun too a blocker, he found the blocker at his home address and said :....... "nah nah nah" and screwed..Facegugger.. The blocker got mad : he took sven hostage, he took sven too a secret blocker base. but, sven had some luck : he had his mini G.P.S Transmitter   
  
Which was traced by the story admin's And moderator's :   
  
they assempled a group of the BEST men : most of the story member's : under the command off Mad jonesy the squad travlled (argh spelling error) too afganistan (another one) the group was finally there, Mad jonesy issued the order : FIRE AT WILL!!!! the blocker's fell quickly cos they just stood still and ware too fat (homer1 model) too move. : so they extracted sven and got him back too the base.   
  
Meanwhile : on the Ngi (fun) server another blocker was blocking : but the player's had a idea : it was too :.... call for MadBopp. Their plan was to use him as a decoy. The blockerz hated that guy and... wanted too : group block him, madbopp came and got blocked, but?! what was that silver thing in this jacket ??!!! WTF BANG BANG ARRRhh; DIE DIE DIE! so the blocker's were dead. Allmost, only one was left : his Nick name was PornoKing, they approached him, he started too speak german non sense among the talking came a little word (Muti) (Mother) and so : the player's kicked him too death : the last thing he said was (Neeeiiinnn!!! MUTI!!!!!)and at last they fed him too the head crap's. and litte Sara, died.... which wasnt bad, cos gordon freeman hated her (she was his sister)so gordon was happy untill a big dot came and doted a house.. ... but the house already had dots. So the new dots waged war on the existing dots. Just then, one of them pulled out the Holy Handgrenade of Antioch, and henceforth destroyed the house because of the resulting explosion. then the song "break stuff" started to play out of nowhere... Then they all started to sing then went home then went to the bridge and jumped off the bridge, the ppl almost hit the ground but then someone died then someone said order up then some one says there is a santa clsuse then a discovery of people in the moon are there and santa lives there and ate spam all dayy and al night and always drank coke with his pik on it then… ... and they started to sing the "Spam-song" while that shit was happening, facehugger was walking down the road, he saw a zombie : WTF!!?!?! sta...stay..Stay back!!! *Mmmmm FLesshhh* hey, catch me later, ill...buy you a beer *Beeeeeer* The zombie and facehugger then got drunk and singed this song (zombie song : http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/155/loungemeat.html   
  
(LISTEN TOO IT, IT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY!) its the one from they hunger 3. anyway, facehugger woke up next day, only too find out that ...... he had the worst hangover in his entire life and there was a naked zombie in his bed... and then madd remembered the best way to get rid of a hangover is to get even MORE drunk and bash everything you see with a spatula, so after a long hard day of "anti-hangover" exercise, he went out and... it hurt so much,   
  
so he threated it with some off his 'Homemade sweet's' *faint's and get's all blue in the face.... 2 hour's later, some off the story member's find facehugger, (agent propagandi)   
  
finally!!! we can 'remove' the s.o.b from this world. (madbopp)   
  
But, we dont know if his dead....hmm... but i dont think those 'sweet's' are normal ,check's recipe : (Xtesy,heroin,crack,acid,weed) madbopp : OK, HIS DEAD.   
  
lets burn him, Friendly garg : but, his too large for the oven,   
  
we have too hmmmm... 'cut him into smaller part's' let's use my Fukksvan's. the story member's ware just about too cut him into smaller piece's when facehugger suddenly raise's his upper body from the ground saying 'HOLY SHIT, WHAT A SWEET' and passes out again...they knew they had too do something, madbopp : I know how too wake him up!!! (i think) madbopp :   
  
Btw, a fukksvan's is a saw and, a sweet is just like a caremel just other taste and absolutly hard.   
  
(and facehugger was damn lucky the zombie was a women, and only had internal bleeding) otherwise, it was perfectly normal. then suddenly an explosion occured in the... MadBopp just had to get a quick "morgen pils" to wake up from the sweet. As he woke up he heard the explosion in the garage... -"morgen pils" is a danish thingy. When one wake up in the morning with a hangover, one just get a quick beer. It is quite disgusting, but one feel much better afterwards... It's my cure against the worst hangovers, eventhough it dosen't take it all- ... and went to inspect it. As he reached the door...   
  
(Insert heart thumping sound efects) ... It opened slowly, revealing Ed, who tried to pimp his latest project but had the door slammed in his face. He went to the other door and... got shot... by, me who was still experienceing the side effect's off his 'homemade sweet's' Facehugger grap's undeadEnemy and stuff's a 'homemade sweet' down his throat, when SUDDENLY!....... Ed wakes up again. ...and swears loudly, and pulls the convenient lever marked "Emergency Garg"... and a huge gate opended into a completely dark chamber... of an acient doomed ancestor NAMMEDD!!!! BOB-O... suddenly said "WTF did all that shit just come out of nowhere?" And everyone said "yes dumbass that happens all the time get with it man... GEEZ"   
  
Undeadenemy punches facehugger and asks why he did that but suddenly moves out of the way just in time to avoid being stomped by the garg. Facehugger did not move in time h0wever, and was gibbed. Undeadenemy just brought him back though using his necromancing powers Undeadenemy then blasted the garg with his... Handy Makeshift Banana Bomb Launcher which was actually a bunch of bananas with TNT/Dynamite/Gunpowder in it, set afire and thrown on the Garg. The Garg eats it and... ...announces that he's going to go downtown for an indigestion tablet. On the way there... He met a Friendly Garg* so he had to battle it. But because of the indigestion he stopped attacking once in a while so he was killed by the Friendly Garg. The Friendly Garg stole the Garg`s "outer-skin" and disguised as a normal Garg to blend-in with all the Xen creatures. That worked but there was a problem:The disguised Friendly Garg is supposed to take out a walkie-talkie outta his pocket and tell the Friendly aliens about the Xen creatures` secret and some stuffs. But he had his walkie-talkie in his "actual" skin but couldn`t take off his disguise unless there`s no Xen creatures around. So he hid in the once-Nihilanth`s lair(it was abandoned since Nihilanth died at the hands of Gordon Freeman and the death of Nihilanth was seen by the one and only Gordon McGinley of SHL) and attempted to remove his disguise but... he died... of a ruptured testicle so he had to get it repaired at the doctors but his armor was to hard to get a scafel in. So the docter decided to…figure out what Honking Donkey just said, and then realized that the Friendly Garg* was dead. But then a Friendly Baby Garg continued the mission the the Friendly Garg was doing. But he was spotted and was almost killed until he was saved by.... Walther who had stolen one of the miliary's tanks... But Walter didn`t know how to control the tanks and didn`t even know how to navigate his way and drive the tanks so he drived until he ran over the Xen creatures and nearly killed the Baby Friendly Garg but luckily the Baby Friendly Garg flamed Walter`s tank just in time before it ran over him. Walter survived the explosion as his REAL body wasn`t inside in tank, but rather he controlled the tank back from Black Mesa with a long-dimension controller which has a built-in un-destroyable but de-activateable portal which showed itself when the tank was destroyed and the Baby Friendly Garg entered the portal to return to Earth. But unfortunately the teleportation station which the Baby Friendly Garg teleported to was not big enough even for it so it practically cracked in some parts. Walter who was also in the same room was shocked and thought the Baby Friendly Garg was and enemy so he.. ... tried to blow up the Friendly Baby Garg with a RPG, but the Friendly Baby Garg gibbed Walter. And there was much rejoicing. Then, a (homer model) blocker came along, and .... The FB-garg attacked him imideatly. and Homer said "Doh" and then he died and respawned in donut heaven and there was much rejoycing until the original friendly garg respawned and... he died... then respawned... But was killed by MadBopp with his two-barrel 12 gauge. Blocker Homer was now to burn in blocker-hell 4eva! It was time to move on, Black Mesa had to be under SC control again... so they blew it up... with a stereo full of chocolate bars and frogs and gargs and toys and and and and and and.... And a nuclear storm rose in the middle of no-where from nothing. and was teleported into shattered and got lost in the dark.... where even the devil cry because dante, the badass, demon killing, akimbo pistol weilding, sword fighting, juggleing, transforming-into-devil, son of satan is there. (in the game he is said to make devils cry) and then he died... But they didnt let him in hell because he called the Devils momma an ugly bitch and made the Devil cry. which then broke the story.... ...yet again..... it happend again... over and over again. Until The Master himself (Sven Viking) entered the arena... and crashed becuarse of S_FindName: out of sfx_t bug.... So he fixed... not himself, but the bug with heroin... ... but sudenly, k-mark was closed because of drug-related wars. But he had no heroin so he used sugar instead (you know, the sugar SUGAR stuff. NOT the thing you get high of!) And this killed the bug instantly. Sven was ready to go ahead with his journey... until he was alone in the map megamonstermassacre, so he spend his days trying to kill a litte monkey... But failed over and over again... Becuarse the litte monkey jumped on teh canyon wall and flied away... So.... ..Nomble wasnt in the story and then... SvenCoop people from around the world gathered in reunion. They was determined to destroy the terrorregime of Counter-strike... so extreme electromanatic field hazard detected in sector C... according to Walther, this had something to do with the molecule-accelerator in Sector E. and Vox replied with "Sector E track control please report status"... ... but before anybody could do anything, Gordon Freeman suddenly exploded into a billion pieces of Gordon-meat. Therefore, there was no resonance cascade, and a paradox was caused, and the earth was destroyed.   
  
And there was much rejoicing. At the same time Gordon entered the "Universe and Dimension Surveiliance sektor" at the Black Mesa Research Facility. He took a look around the room. Computers and monitors was mainly in standby, but one screen was flashing: "Resonance cascade detected on Earth 6663295". Gordon ran out of the room. He had to get to the time- and dimensiontraveler machine and get to Earth 6663295 before the accident could occur. but Vox locked all the doors and said "Code red alert, in "Universe and Dimension Surveiliance sektor", security respond please. Then lots of Barneys and Barnabuses appear out of the SECURITY teleporting thing in osprey.bsp and the Barnabuses terminated the computer-controlled specimen named G0rd0n fr33m4n and celebrated with 100 Barneys firing hot leads of 9mm into the Barnabuses helmets until the helmets became unusable and all bullets hit their craniums. The Barneys have sucessfully killed the Barnabuses who were summoned by the VOX to kill G0rd0n fr33m4n who intended to stop the reasonace cascade which was caused by.. Warm grape flavored pie. The Barneys started drinking incredible amounts of vodka, talking about the possibilities of... talking toast. and then it happend again! The S_FindName: out of sfx_t bug crashed everyone.... except the Barneys who continued to talk, and talk and talk until the map ended. The map changed to barney_beach and the Barneys thought it was a beach designed just for them until the grunts attacked and.. got blown out of the sky..... and sent them crashing in to sc_spaceviking1`s ship`s engines which caused the ship as well as the map to crash into everyone`s favourite alien world... Nomble´s room... ...which contained numerous interesting posters and a portal to Xen. However, as everyone went through they encountered an awful jumping bit and... it was non other than……..BIG MOMA!!! (u thought i was gonna say nomble huh?) (No Honking Donkey you fuckin idiot) And Big Momma promptly waddled over to the oven and pulled out a fresh, hot tray of Pillsbury GRANDS biscuits!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!1 But the Barneys saw it and immediately killed the big momma to get the biscuits. After eating it. they felt funny and suddenly mutated into... Facehuggers... All the Facehuggers disapeared into vents and whereever they could hide and ..make love.... and reproduce and take over the whole f*cking world! MAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!! That message was posted by MadBopp, now back to the real world where.... Gordon yet again entered the BMRF. .. with pants... in his hands... and his penis got stuck in the tram door becurse he has no underwear and he got his pants off... only because he wanted to impress everybody else by the size of his ****. in other words, dick. And now back to the story where... Walter was eating a piece of Toast. Before Walter took a bite, the Toast said... suck me baby... So Walter did, and the Toast bit his bottom lip. Walter then pulled a 357 python revolver from his pocket and... made love to it... While Barney yet again entered the BMRF... with pants.. in his hands... Then MadBopp sence deja vu… Barney then started to…walk to the shooting range. He had planned to have a competition with Otis. This was going to be Derset Eagle cal.357 versus Glock 17 9mm. Afterwards they would probably hit for a beer. And what would then happen? Nobody could know for sure. But Barney was hoping they could go to his place and... masturbate.... And after they had masturbated they would have a few more beers and then go beat the shit out of a queer... then we all said that 65 pages of stupid crap wasent any good.. so I sat down with a beer and tried to think... In which I didn't suceed. Therefore I continued writing useless stuff in this useless story together with Nomble... the only story(Nomble and MadBopp) completly controled the story but then.... They got bored and started writing non-relevant stuff like:" What about we printed the entire story? We could take every page and say it into one story!" Then Nomble replied with, "Well I type this shiw down you know so your probably reading it now." So MadBopp asked stupidetly: Where did you get the patience to do that?, 'cuz I haven't read it before!? well im to lazy, ask me nice then ill mayb...   
  
Then the world exploded and everyone died... But Gordon survived this (ofcourse!) And he went back to the BMRF (which magically had been restored) And he met Walther (who had been hiding in a closet all the time). Walther said: "you stupid bitch" with his pants on... In the meanwhile MadBopp got bored and left the story to blast his head off. He returned 5 minutes later more Mad Than ever and wrote: "Walther unzipped his pants and took a leak at a headcrab(p) which died instantly. While Walther was peeing, Gordon drawed his 9mm handgun (Glock) and... started to suck walters..... ...Megadeth boxed set... but it was really a..... ...LIMITED EDITION Megadeth boxed set... but then....it happend… it was filled with pornographic materials and.... ... Ed stole them all, and donated a large sum of... cum... Which he soon regretted becuse the mail sent a bill for sending the package.. $8.000.000.... which he had no chance to pay. except if he robbed a bank... and he robbed a bank, his mother whos big as a bank... Decided to sue him for every dime he stole and then she sat on him... and then he popped. The popping sound sent out shockwaves so loud that they woke up... And Otis yet again entered the BMRF... with underwear... ... and went to Edcrab to apologise about everyone's odd problem, where they spelt his name EdCrab. In turn, Ed gutted him, then shot himself in the head until respawn. Meanwhile... G-man entered the BMRF whith pants in his suitcase. But he was also wearing a pair AND in the story , a baby was made.... By a newbie and it wasent Nomble... it was posted by a comlplete stranger who called himself: -=[(/Counter-Strike lover\)]=- But before -=[(/Counter-Strike lover\)]=- could do any more damage with his evil baby, a SC newbie, Qualjyn, ran towards him with a crowbar, and pulled him all the way over to cs.net, but suddenly Qualjyn was surrounded by angry CS lovers.... One of them pulled out their AWMs, and for some reason it was fixed on Qualjyn_Zhilahj's head. He was using aimbot! But fortunately, Turrican ran in, sprayed the anti-aimbot spray on the wall, and then all the stupid CS cheaters were fixed on the spray and couldnt move! He then planted C4 everywhere and ran out and everything exploded. The world rejoiced! (oh, and Qualjyn_Zhilahj made it out alive too) .. But one of the CS cheaters escaped too. The mean bastard was using a new version of Aimbot, and was unaffected by the spraylogo. For several years, he waited to get his revenge on Turrican for killing all his buddies, he secretly infiltrated the SC community, going under the codename:.... Qualjyn_Zhilahj! He planned to kill the origional Qualjyn_Zhilahj and steal his indentity... One night, the real Qualjyn was sitting at home, checking PHL for new cool mods.. Suddenly he heard a knock at the door. "Now who could that be?" he thought, and went downstairs and answered the door... It was the Pizza delivery man. This was strange, because Qualjyn_Zhilahj hadnt ordered a pizza. "Wrong house" he said, but before he closed the door the pizza man pushed it open and burst into the house! He revealed himself to be the disgruntled CS survivor! (we hadnt guessed) Qualjyn yelled "Look, behind you!" the CS lover turned around and Qualjyn ran through the house frantically searching for some kind of weapon, and then he found it! His... reproductive organ.... Which he put back in his pants again. Instead he found a screwdriver thing... And then he jumped out of a window to escape the CS-jerk. But Nomble and MadBopp knew about this. They had already found their guns, and they was now chaseing the CS-dude... with boots... But the CS player had aimbot! He spotted Madbopp and Nomble on the rooftops and hit them both with a Uzi! Fortunately it only hit their heads so in CS style they survived... (if he got their feet - instant kill) or between your legs which would mean... Instant castration. or completely clean (dick)head-shot. Nomble and MadBopp emptied their clips at the rooftop, but since they were using CS Tmp's they could not even kill an ant... and that means no babys... So then Turrican turned the corner with his Dual Elites (my CS weapon of choice always) and started firing. The CS cheater hid behind some crates that were randomly placed like in a CS level. But Nomble and Madbopp were approaching from behind... and gave him a ass fu... from 300 meters range with an AWM/AWP... which was way too powerful anyway! And it made the CS lamers head pop. and shit himself... Then they poured him all over with gasoline and put him on fire and unrinate all over him to cool down the fire... But first the tied him to a stake and danced with the flames then after 5hours in the flames they took the CS-lover-lamers burned clodes off and had sexual contact for 2hours. Nomble had! MadBopp went for a beer.. But when he said "Nomble had" he ment the SC newbie who was namned Numble. Nomble laughed at MadBopps misstake and threw him down the stairs... But this pissed MadBopp off, so he went to cs.net to pick up an ak47, and he blasted Nomble out of the story. Acctually completely out of the world. and this cuased that MadBopp was the story victim... But he didn't care. In the meanwhile, Walther yet again entered the BMRF with a hangover.... He knew he had to work hard today. He was heading for the weapons research department with pants ofcourse... First he had to meet Barney at... the pornshop.... He had some secret files which Barney had to ship out. He had hidden them in a porn magazine so Walther looked in all the pornomagazines to find the papers/files... But they was gone, then Barney told Walther taht he shoved them up his.. nose... hole.. AKA Nostril. Walter took a look up his nose, when suddenly... he shoved his... gluon into.... his.. ear... opening... up for THE GREAT UNIFICATION! which caused facehugger too leap on too nomble's face... some time passed....nomble woke up...his chest hurt very badly when SUDDENLY : nomble felt even more incredible pain from his chest :   
  
Nomble : Arrrhh, oh jesus!! Oooh! ARRRRGHHH!!   
  
*CRACK *SPLASH* *Alien sound*   
  
facehugger had finally started his life-cycle, he was a chest buster... he creeped around in the shadow's... and finally found some animal's too eat, next morning, 2 story member's found something strange in the vecinity off facehugger :   
  
#1 : what the hell is that ? :   
  
#2 : Let's get out off here. :   
  
#1 : just a second.   
  
he checked the skin which was on the floor when suddenly ; he saw facehugger which had finally developed himself too a alien drone :   
  
#1 : Run like hell! :   
  
but it was too late Facehugger (alien) killed both off them : when SUDDENLY!!!!....... Gordon entered the BMRF yet again and killed all the fricking aliens and facehuggers... Just like in the movies, the good guys always wins... "den var sq da plat." anyway ; gordon had too face the truth : there was still ONE alien lose in bmrf (M3Z0R) (Me), so he called (G.I.T)R-man, he knew what t00 d0. He had too flush the alien upward's (toward's the crew quaters) dispite the risk off fatality count's this was becouse the bmrf system core was VERY vunurable so facehugger was on his way when SUDDENLY...... "Lige så plat som alt andet der er skrevet her!" The walls began to shake and Denmark called in greenpeace becaurse they hate nuclearpower.... But in fact: most of them didn't care... and they all started to masturbate... Except from MadBopp who (again) went out for a beer... masturbation and he thought: "Wot the bloody hell is Nomble talking about?" beer-masturbation? and the combination of beer and masturbation made them all into beer-masturbation zombies, doomed to forever roam the earth and.. flush public toilets.... later at the BMRF a research team had come up with a cure for the beforementioned zombie thing.. The only problem was... that danes started to storm in!   
  
No!   
  
The only problems was, that the severs was starting to be flooded and headcrabs was comming up from them... and in the other end of the facility, the military were attacking... you... and You died... while he tried to strangulate Walter McDanglybits... then it stopped making sense again and everybodies faces burst open like fungus puffballs. Meanwhile, the scientist were trying to keep the headcrabs out of the lab... by throwing huge novelty ice cream cones at them. the lemon scented soap commitee complained about the lack hurdles in the story... and it worked! the Headcrabs ate themselves to death. the scientist could return to working on their zombie cure... Because one of the headcrabs got Slick, but he was still in the process of being zomb-ized. They didnt want to kill him because he was their friend. So what walter decided to do was... flush him down the urinal instead... ..but he didn't fit into the urinal, so they had to do something else. put him into the waste disposal unit first, in a way such that while the zombie-thing was horribly mutilated he didnt feel a thing... but it was too late, before Walter had a chance to do anything the fully zombified Slick awakened and attacked Walter! Someone set the damage of the Zombies slashes too high using console commands and it made Walter explode in a very satisfying way. "I told ya homeboy!" ... said the voice of God. Gurgling, the zombie Slick used it's ridiculous secondary_attack 1000,000,000 to pulverise the wall and destroy a military tank battalion. As a result... masturbation became... Nomble's death and that means... That he returned as a zombie and it was so it ended in MadBopps dream. When he woke up with the biggest hangover ever, lying in a bad with.... something that *looked* like a woman, but he wasn't too sure, because his vision was blurry So he stumbled out and got to the bathroom and got raped by... SHITbags…  
  
THE END  
  
Thanks for reading my story. http://nombliz.no-ip.com 


	8. Part 8

And the magic story countinues! Like always.

It was a bright, nice day in the world of Chubby the Chubtoad. Today, he had a nice...shiny coin, and decided that he would buy himself a large...Richard Simmons. While hopping home with his brand new Richard Simmons, he noticed a sad HellsFlame sitting on a fence post. He decided to...get him fucked up royally by selling him some white columbian gold. He reached into his pocket where...his rocket was located, he fumbled it a bit and pulled out a chocolate bar. He then gave it to...JPolito who ate It only to discover It was rat poison. Walking away from the dying Jpolito he...decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to perform a river dance. What is a river dance you ask? Why, it is the perfect combination of...the tango and epilepsy. Performed by a million...Dead cats. He began to dance on the corpses of the cats while singing the words ...of male and female bears making sweet love on the riverside. From the road up top, you could clearly see the...road was curved, but from up close it looked like...a portion had slid off into the river...and in the river a man by the name of Ben was drowning! 'Look out for the sharks!' he cried, but...then the shark bit off the lower part of his body and...A tribe of savage indians crowded the riverside, and upon sight of Chubby, they chased after him. From up a tree a creature cried, "come up here!", and when Chubby looked up, he realized it was...Barney the anoying security guard. Up in the tree he was watching the savages while eating a...wenchista and looking out for drunk hitchhikers in hopes of snatching himself one in order to...eat his brains, while listening to...Porn Groove music, and...then take pictures of the fawn across the lot, to sell to the local mayor for...Hookers. Chubby then notices the TREE can talk. The tree is also wearing...A tight tank top, shiny short shorts with a clearly visible string thong underneath, and had an afro like Richard Simmons. In fact the tree WAS richard simmons! As the workout music started to play, the tree...Looked down at the savages charging at it. Richard/Tree then noticed the savages were infact 8 year old CS players. He then opened his mouth and spoke..."sharks, i order you to kill them" and the sharks did so. he then said..."yo man, let's go hit up a big phat ass tob bowl and get FUCKED out of our GODDAM MINDS!". And then, Jerry, whom appeared out of nowhere as the narrator didn't read the previous lines...gives him a subway sub. Which in turn causes a ship full of...Kittens to explode. The tree then looks down at chubby and screams..."JESUS CHRIST I'VE NEVER BLED 2 LITRES OUT MY RECTUM". The tree then pulls it fat, ugly roots out of the ground and says "shit nigga, RIP TOOKIW yawm sayin, cuz crips 4 lyfe, always on the left side muhfukka" then chubby slowly turned his head up towards the sky, stroking his large (to the scale of his body large) manpenis...that did not belong to him but rather to...MutantMFM, who has perhaps the largest penis of all...the Amazons in a three inch radius. It only took...2 men, to have a man2man frot, which lasted...For about three weeks, during this time Chubby starved to death, giving us a new character, HellsFlame, who was...Currently eating in canada. He walked down the road to see...if he could see his shoes while he was walking, and he tripped over a...An amazonian woman, who was reading a book. She looks over at him and said..."tookie died a happy man". He looked up, to see two, bright, beautifal blue eys gazing into his. "Why hello, I am Reginald C. Cucumberus. I have come to your enchanting village to study and evaluate your tribe."

The eyes belonged to a big bulging man called Braden. As a response, Braden told Reginald to...suck his massive throbbing male sex organ, as it is a tradition for visitors. Not wanting to offend him, Reginald followed his command. As he began, he could have sworn that it tasted like...young girls he had met during his senior years in high school. Oddly enough, he found out that...she had an anus stain from her last boyfriend, Tookie...the mad leader from the gang of...JPolito's Spammage, which kind of tastes like...a dolphin that has been set out too long in the pouring acid rain of...the Sanchez Brothers' firehoses. Chubby, seeing all this, was utterly petrified. What would he do next?

He decided to...be resurrected by HellsFlame's resurrection spell, only to be...roadkilled by a car on the highway. His dead carcass then...was eaten by Kosi, to give him super human strength, and wonderful colors in his eyes, so he could...fly to the moon, to create his evil genius base so he can...go back in time to watch the beginning of Chapter 8 all over again. Unfortunately...to his dismay he was thwarted by…Kosi's twin brother, Isok, who wanted bittersweet revenge for what Kosi had done to his wench, the very desirable...Count Dracula. Isok attacks with his undead legion of penguins...that numbed in the trillions. However, Kosi's spy in the army, EvilPentaPenguin, was able to hold the penguin horde back long enough for Kosi to flee back to Earth, where he...made love to his own wench and dressed in his decked out sweat shirt and pants armor, ready to take on...His brother in a fight that involved carrots, soda, and...mega soda pop robots, that will conquer...the bananas fruit cup, for all the world to...drop their pants. However, seeing that his nose was bleeding he decided to...take a kid's teddy bear and use that to stop his nosebleed and then he...took a big dump and a turd went flying out and hit a...stop sign. Now, in another area of the world, there was an Alien Grunt named Tor. Tor wasn't like any of the other Alien Grunts and was often put down by the other Alien Grunts for not looking like them. So, one day Tor finally snapped and bought a gun...then shut this story down.

But NO. The story did not stop, nor could it ever be deleted. The story could not be stopped by any ordinary man, plain and simple. Then, what could stop the story? Simple. It was the all-powerful...Sniper. While working on 3.5 he finally snapped and...kissed Sven Viking. The people gasped at the sight and the world went into utter chaos. But Sniper was not done yet, for he then...summoned a babygarg to take his place so he can...escape to a private island with Sven Viking that they bought with our donation money. Meanwhile, Commando and Mad Jonesy, the last two gods of earth, then...tor appeared... to combat the threat of the combine to the earth...But Commando and Mad Jonesy wouldn't have that as they shouted, "THE COMBINE ARE OUR FRIENDS! BE A COLLABORATOR!" with which Tor replied..."the combine are a threat that must be dealt with before they overtake this 'defenceless' planet"... and at that moment a large exploseion occured and... hored of headcrabbed zombies came out from the hole in the wall of the building made by the exploseion...that was caused by hydepth farting...and raging dildos...that were on an evil march to take over the world...and deny men sex, they did this because...thats just what Dildos do, right? Anyhow, once they reached the Wastelands, they super glued a santa hat on Qwerty's head, then ate...a big greasy breakfast and drank lots of beer, while this was happening, chubby, after miraculously reappearing..went down the road to...find the Tor Hideaway. After all his friends were eaten by Tor in the first chapter, Chubby thought it was payback time. He loaded his Chubby-shotgun(tm) and went off to find Tor, then he...suddenly had an attack of amnesia, not knowing what to do Chubby walked around the world where he was adopted by...a friendly Gargantua that became his new father. The relationship wasn't as fag..and said "his name is hydeph not hydepth, and if you spell it wrong again we're going to saw off your testicles and force feed them up your ass." The combine turned around with his penis hanging through his zipper in his pants, and with a surprised expression on his face he said..."we must explore the inner parts of the Earth ! And so they did. They started digging and digging till they reached...the center of the earth, no doubt! What they found down there was extrordinary, which was...actually the center of the moon. The Combine was quite confused about this, but came to a conclusion, that since the center of the moon was where the center of the Earth should have been, the center of the Earth must be at the...desk of a teenage boy flipping burgers at McDonalds. So they started digging their way up again, but there was something in their way now, it was... an elucidean terror beyond words, it's mighty form quivering as it spoke unto them...

CAPTAIN

JEAN

LUC

PICARD

OF THE USS ENTERPRISE

"M

M

M M M

Make It So

Make It So

Make It So"

he said

...then suddenly, Turrican leaped out of the shadows and cracked Picard over the head with a Captain Kirk painting! Amist the chaos, one of us commented..."furries, lol". Everyone at the scene suddenly noticed a very peculiar shape to the upper-north-left-south of the now 4.5dimensional room they found themselves in. They...yiffed...and then they...sexed...and then they...decided to dig up more but instead of fiding the desired desk they found...the secret door the the UNDERGROUND GNOMES LAIR OF RICHARD BODERMAN ! They squeezed themselfs through the small door and...were instantly arrested by the local Gnome Squad. After interrogation, torture and imprissonment, they decided to escape through a crack in the wall, but...instead they forged a cunning plan, involving seducing the gnome guard in order to...take over the lair and start producing their own fake names for Half-Life mods. The first one that came out was...SVAN COP.They could find what it would be about so they...simply stole ideas and materials from other mods and games. When the lawsuits came they fled the lair, planting a huge timebomb to destroy the hundreds of lawyers, who...were huge fans of queer of for the straight guy..but suddenly...sixteen people appered with TV's and started wantching...by pressing knobs and screens made of...plastic, the Simpsons. It was an old episode that they've already seen about a 100 times so they decided to go back the the SvenCo-op HQ and report to...Svenny the cop. He told them to go screw themselves and...thus they did. Shortly thereafter...a burglar was burgling burgers at the local burger king, they witnessed this and decided to...kill the mascot king and use his corpse to build a space ship with the purpose of...crashing into the sun, to see if it had a solid core. When no reports from SS Corpse was heard, they decided that...n was a better choice. "All Hail the decision of n!" They saluted, as they were...secretly going to kill n to contemplate the glory of the great B, then...they realized that they didnt care so they went out to party that night, and met a group of...hydeph worshippers, who bought a fast food restaurant, but it never made any profit, because...their burgers were actually half tiles that they got from an edge of a roof from a bad counterstrike map, so nobody came to eat there. Meanwhile on the other side of the island...a goat whispered..."Baaaaaaah Baaaaah" But that had no relevance to anything whatsoever, so instead we look at...El Gringo and JPolito, deep within their secret island lab, plotting to...have anal sex with each other. Then they...insanely masturbate to their own reflections while listening to Richard Simmons work out tapes...

OH BABY YOU'RE SEXY

WORK IT

WORK IT HARD

OH BABY

THATS RIGHT FEEL THE BURN

DEEP WITHIN YOUR SKIN I FEEL THE BURN

DO YOU FEEL THE BURN

OHHHHH THE BURN

They then stopped what they were doing and commited themselves to a mental hospital where they found...their old chieldhood imaginary friends, who had been making a living of stealiing other peoples organs and selling them at the black market. This was obviously just the thing for our two heroes, so they...went to the black market to commit disturbing acts with peoples organs. Their old imaginary friends told them to go away but they...imagined them away and continued about their business until suddenly...the previous mentioned wispering goat appeared at Manhattan and started attacking everyone, cause it wasn't mentionened that it was twenty stories high. So when the Anti Wispering Goat Monster Squad appeared at the scene...they got all wet and covered in...sprinkles. The Goat had torn down a water and then a sprinkle tower upon the poor inhabitans. When the entire city was burned down...and started throwing Richard Bodermans at the damn goat. The goat got its wispering penis eaten by the GREAT MIGHTY POO, who...was shot...BY THE GREAT MIGHTY BONER who...decided to stop being obsessed by cock and move on to the more important subject of..the chinese economy..destroying Sniper's country...toggling the svcoherence on and off in the story. After I set it properly, I then turned around and...switched on the button marked...DO NOT PUSH ME, which kinda looked like a giant...can of soup, everything exploded but everyone survived with the exeption of JPolito who couldn't stop doing unfunny inside jokes thinking the whole world would understand him and find him funny, anyway...JPolito then rose from the grave and summoned his evil unfunny minions from the land of...MORDOR, which has a hot tourist spot known as...THE 45TH PARALLEL, a place where you can stand on the imaginary parallel line while little poor kids rob your wallets, coincidencely Tor was travelling over there and...was shot by little nine year olds who just started playing SC and didn't know that there were allied monsters. But then...your mom..with your dad...and little 7 year old sister..went on a vacation for no reason at all, then inside Sven Viking's secret hideout in the Bahamas... where we recieved a mysterious letter which summoned us to MOAM land! We eagerly boarded the first plane leaving the Bahamas, and once we were all on we...whipped out crowbars and...we opened ton of boxes with them, boxes, little boxes, big, huge and giant boxes, even round boxes! Ah... I'll never forget the boxworld, it...made El Gringo jump out of the plane over the ocean with only a metal Chubby Spoon Utensil and...a case of Pilsner, which he used as a raft and paddle combination so that he could row away to...and fro, until he got sucked into a wirlpool that sent him down deep into the ocean, where he arrived at...Banville, the place where all the people who are banned from hell are banished to after they're banned again. There, he met...Butemam Butemam Butemam Butemam Butemam Butemam Butemam...who proceeded to repeat his name over and over again until Gringo got so annoyed that he...died. BUTEMAM, continued on his quest to tell everyone his name over and over so that..everyone could understand that they should bow down to BUTEMAM. The first person BUTEMAM decided to approach was...Kritter, who became his right hand man in...his quest. Now that BUTEMAM had a loyal minion to help say his name, he was ready to...eat pancakes, with a spoon. Later he got a call from his...agent, who informed him that he had just been awarded a role in Sven Co-op: The Play starring...Kevin Costner, and John Cleese, who were mugged at gun point to star in this comedic representation of how 5 year olds play...Sven Co-op. BUTEMAM was ecstatic about his part in it. All he had to do was show up on stage long enough to repeat his name a few times and then get banned. Now everyone would be able to hear his name. To prepare for his role, he...Enlisted the help of satan, who decked out young butemam in garish military attire complete with ivory pimp cane and nickel plated saber. Butemam then holed himself in a huge abandoned farmhouse where he consumed copious amounts of DMT, magic Mushrooms, LSD and various other psychadelic drugs. Transformed by his experiences in the farm house, Butemam held a press conference in the Netherlands, informing the public that he was confident of victory and that he had always wanted a seagoing vessel of some kind. In his press conference, buteman also hinted at his desire to continue his tenure as...the bannature champion of the world. This was, however, disagreeable by the other members of Banvile, who started to fight inbetween. This resultet in people getting banned from Banvile, including poor...students that miserably failed in their lives and existence.

Meanwhile a mysterious rain of haddock caused much confusion in...santaclaus workshop, where everyone was killing people, using the bodyparts as presents for other people, solving the huge gift problem. Santa wasn't very sure whether this was morally correct or not, but...seeing he was pissed he really didnt give a shit...meanwhile on a small island off the coast of antartica, a pengiun discovered..that the secret of life was...trying to not get banned from...it. However, the penguin wasn't sure how to achieve this, but it did find out that...by becoming a beaver on the plane...it could easily get killed by...EXPLOSIONS, then everything exploded...in a very comical fashion, which amused...Nobody, since Nobody had anytime to be amused by a comical explosion. At that instant of the explosion, a hole was ripped into the ground that was so big that it could have passed as your new one -- the hole, was not ordinary. It was a black hole! Nobody, and the rest of us, decided to...eat it, hoping to achieve world domination, but then jpolito...ran away because he was scared. What a wuss.Unfortunetly for Jpolito, he ran in the wrong dirrection, and was sucked into the black hole, and entered an alternate dimention, where...there were beatiful naked cats who...didn't exist. Instead there were beautiful naked women who...didn't have clothes on. Unfortunetly for the women, ...Jpolito was a convicted serial rapist. And a recluse. He...was fortunetly still so confused over the black hole incident, that the women had time to escape his wrath. When he came to his sences, ...thevelociraptor tries to be funny, so he shoots JPolito, who turns into a mutated T-rex and crashes into the floor and breakdances, smashes the OPM offices, still causing everyone on earth to throw sht and rihard Bodermans at JPolito, who gets eaten by the ruturn of the whipsering goat, who team with a Austrails from the crappy DC3 game, and destrtoys Mad Jonsey, who...tried to flee in the awesome performance of destrtotive power. After destrotting the entire globe, some higher power typed restart in console, and...everything went back to normal before the black hole incident, however JPolito had disappeared from the face of the earth and this higher power said "banned", then...the computer crashed, in some computer in some teenagers room, and deleted all of his files. Reacting to these events, he...yelled at his mom and instead of getting a beating his parents bought him a whole new expensive computer, the kid then installed Svan Kop again and...went emo finding he didnt know how to play it, shortly after that he...tried to Read The Fing Manual, what he was suggested at the lokal IRC channel. But the only Fing manuals he could find didn't have anything to do with gaming, so he...decided to play a new game called "touch dic".he loved it and spent the rest of his life playing that awesome lenghty game.Meanwhile, In Madvile, everyone was angry. Sniper had placed ihmself on the on the rooftops, 0wning the n00bs below with his trusted AWB. One of his bullets...Bounced off of one of the n00bs heads and hit sniper in the arm. Then sniper realized he was...a cyborg...with a big thirst for man-juice...a special type of juice, extracted from the biggest grapes grown. The name chosen was due to the high concentration of drugs in the grapes, which...Make thevelociraptor turn into a uber-Cerebrai (finalboss from DC3) and smashes the console, grabs Sven Viking by ther hair and says "TOR EAT NOW," and accidentally ssmashes Chubby, who goes to hell while Thevelociraptor teams with Richard Boderman to eat Sven Viking, and gets unbanned from the bovels of El Diablo, and does a backflip. JPolito accidentally flames someone not thevelociraptor, who is...currently registering a myspace account while...drinking Man-Juice Classic (doesn't have any lime or any weird stuff added) and faking drunkness in front of hot chicks.because he knows he will never get any...meanwhile in his secret lair behind the womans shower unit in the mall, the Gman watches...he watches...the male shower unit through his camera monitor. However, his lair is found by none other than Nih. Nih quickly decided to..call upon Xerxes, his trusted security program that...keeps guard in front of the door, while Nih takes a shower. Unfortunetly for G-man, the video camera exploded in the sheer horror that was to be unleeched upon it's sight, when...A bear in the forest exploded. It's remains...decided to join the mafia. This was something nobody expected. The post-death spsms faded out, and the mafia lost yet another of it's valuable members. And the one and all we can thank this for is...Nih. His brilliance killed a member of the mafia. Everyone in the world thanked him and worshipped him as a god. Somewhere else in the world...the mafia was planning their revenge, when a meteor storm came out of nowhere, and destroyed their headquarters. This was..funny because the Svencoop HQ had been hit by a meteor shower the day before. Luckily the SC HQ's top secret defense system intervened and...shot down the meteors using teddy bears made from body parts of the Banned, because after their banning they got led to a slaughter house as furhter punishment, this slaughterhouse was owned by...Bodeman, who then blew himself up for no apparent reason. Now that both the Mafia and Bodeman were extinguished, and the black hole closed, it was time to do a...Chicken dance! But this was a special version of the chicken dance. In it, you have to...jump on your tounge on a very narrow wodden bridge over a pit, while desperetly trying to hold a spoon with an egg between your toes. Oh, and did I mention the pit below that contained...Hezus' zombies that would try to...make birds fly, even though the cows STILL havn't left the field.

Everyone did the chicken dance and then...they continued into the rabbit dance, which was a vararity of the chicken dance, but with...jumps, jump-jumpity-jump. After several smart and unexpected plot twists it all end with the resurrection of...El Gringo and his adventure. He...fought his way through the jungle until he reached the complex of .exe install files for a Sven Co-op map with meaningless .mp3 files and registry edits, so El Gringo proceeds to...reformat C drive in an attempt to remove the sony rootkits...but then he got a beter idea! He decided to program an .exe to remove the rootkits automatically! And who better to help him in this mad journey? The Valve Wiki page, what else! After a minute or two, they were .CPP smashing there way through every rootkit in town. Soon after, they...sang a Christmas carol...and discovered that this .exe created huge holes in the computer's security, so things were left as they were and everyone rejoiced at the fun of root kits anyway...but little did they know...the rootkits desactivated the lasers in their security system leaving a big gap in the...wall, JPolito crawled through this gap and the level started it's changement, which lead to...the inner sides of Sven Viking. JPolito was very confused when he got there. Then he decided to try and get to Sven Vikings brain so he can try to get control of him so he can find out everything about..the whereabouts of the Hidden Viking Associasion. The HVA is rumored to have plans on taking over the world, and Sven is of a high rank. When JPolito reached the brain, he discovered...that he had forgotten his hat. So without hesitation he decided it would be better if he...went back and burned his hat, causing the smoke inside to...eat the baibies stuck in svens head that...also caused Sven to drink huge amounts of water, which almost drowned JPolito but fortunately..it just melted his skin off instead, leaving him to be a walking, breathing, immortal skeleton with red eyes that...explode on a requler basis and shhot out yellow puss that isnt very tasy at all. Once when qwerty saw that happen he said "OMG...u frigginh haxx" and then he went to the bathroom to shave his forehead and...sing. Later that day on a planet somewhere not earth, a group of 5 ninjas by the names of...Ninja, Ninja, Ninja, Ninja and Ninja. They went off to find the magic treasure of the Plumberman. Meanwhile...JPolito was still trying to get into Svens brain in his new skeleton body, but..Svens natural defenses noticed this and jumped up and down while screaming "LOL PWN" and tried to shoot him with AK-47, but jpolito...fainted and got shot...TO DEATH...but thanks to the respawning system he comes back to life but he didnt spawn to the place he started but instead to a HL2 DM server full of players..bunnyjumping and rocketjumping, while a god was...flying around spectating from above, almost like a ghost trying to find his lost body. But then, everyone thought it would be better to start talking about Lento, because he has many different player models, of which...several are burning with rage, because...people were wearing their skin as a suit, and parading around like Gein. When suddenly...a giant homer player came running out screaming how l337 cs was, and was killed by a...RICHARD BODERMAN, who...attempted earlier to take over the Sven Co-op development and...also killed David Hasselhoff, and...pissed on everyone off, and dressed up Sven Viking as Sailor Moon, then summons the WISPERING GOAT, who...whispers and manages to somehow scream at the same time. Then, Jpolito AGAIN realizes that he's a recluse and a rapist. JPolito then decides to go down to the old elementary school and...makes fun of OPM while Richard/tree comes to rape Jacko. thevelociraptor shoots JPolito with a ripented barncle, and JPolito tranforms into a Big Swinging... T-Rex, and then crashes into the floor and breakdances while Chubby the Chubtoad burns in hell. JPolito tells thevelociraptor to try and be funnier. Thevelociraptor, in a attempt to be funny, throws Richard Boderman at...a toilet and thevelociraptor goes to the...closet but he find a portal to hell. A demonic hand reaches out of the portal and...rips off his face. He soon finds that his blood has drained from his body and can no longer go on until someone saves him, which does not happen. Now we go to Puchi, who is walking through the park looking for delicious dogs to eat.

Puchi comes upon a houndeye, and says, "...I like houndeyes!". Suddenly a garg appears and Puchi is running into the...girls bathroom to hide, and doesnt notice the floor is wet and slips over, cracks his skull and gets amnesia, he goes off believing he is a girl and try's to hit on the garg...but instead gets fried by the Garg. For that Puchi dumps the Garg which leaves it crying. Then PvtT comes into the stage and saves thevelociraptor by using some skincare which rebuilds his face back to normal. Then he goes tell to Puchi that the Garg is sorry of what it tried to do. Then he takes his wheelchair and wheels over to the HVA-association. Meanwhile..a giant nuclear warhead is heading from erth, sent by Chuck Norris because...he cant be bothered to pay his taxes and find this the easyest way to...get rid of all the politicians who demand taxes from him. Although he didn't think about the consequences this nuclear warhead would have for the..dogs living on mars, because of all the radiation the decided to...sip a cup of coffee and...start shooting chuck norris, becaus of this he decided to...play 'touch dic' riding a bicycle up stairs, while sitting on a hemroids pillow watching a...whole season of "Seinfeld". Then...in another part of the world, Jack Thompson was getting a mullet when...it came to LIFE, killing all those that...think mullets are funny. Just then a randomly placed giant foot stepped on it. Then it got gang raped by the previously mentioned mafia. But to the rescue came...Golden Kebabs which had everything to do with the story, unlike some other reoccurring characters. There was then a flash of light, and all the previous character were forgotten invented new ones by the names of...Jesus Miroslov, because he thougt that...marijuna is teh pwnz. With the power of Marijuana, Captain Planet is created! Then a hippy set off an atomic bomb to destroy all of the humans. Which in his mind, created all the disasters of the earth, leaving the desolate planet to...remain a desolate planet for millions of years, until one time, a tiny little...sperm cell on crack decided to...kill itself, so that a banana could...spawn a chumtoad. Whom was named...Mr. Guy. Mr. Guy decided to take a walk in the park. Then a random nuclear missle fell from the sky. But it didn't hit Mr. Guy. Instead it hit Richard Simmons. The nuclear radiation then spread all over the city, melting everything around it. Just then, a clown named Sue decided to...say: "omg this history sucks". Then EVERYTHING IMPLODED. And Mr. Flowers got into his paradise flowers truck and drove 15 in a 35 down the road in front of me to piss me off, but i got back at him because i didn't tailgate him at all, then while he was pulling into his lot, a man came out of the local convenient store and shot him in the face with his +1 magnum, then took his truck and sped...down the yellowbrick road, where we find a lone tin-man, who is actually...The Dracula and he isnt what other people beleve. he is actualy a very green person that has lumps on top of his head that burst when people say googls. Eveytime peple say that he gets very angrey and shouts at people telling that tis a condition that makes his leg jump and his toung go...brown. Just then, the correct spelling nazis came. But now, we shift our attention to Dave. Dave is a gargantua that likes to rape headcrabs. Then, dave saw a hot looking headcrab and decided to...lick down his leg...because he likes to lick his own sweat and reaquire lost bodily fluids and salts...to disembody the crack whore prostitutes of yesteryear. Next the story begins to get a little different wit the presence of a flip-flop, a tiger, and a raisin square. Which is definately a...interesting combination of seemingly random objects, but they were all connected because they were all part of the secret society of the...kill All Immature Cs Players, and their goal was very simple, their goal was to...Conquer Ze World and shout "Look at me you stupid little crazy fish who dont know how to...Just then, Bowser came out of nowhere and said cock for all! And then he ran away. Meanwhile in Gotham, Batman was watching Bay Watch when...the television exploded and killed Batman with glass shrapnels. Soon afterwards Gotham city got covered in dogs...And the dogs said "rawr" and a mouse said "rawr" then the dogs said "rawer" so the mouse ran away. Then suddenly the dogs saw a huge gigantic...fag who couldn't write an interesting story if an interesting story ed him in the ass and possessed him for a time period long enough to write a decent and interesting story...

And then i had an idea to make small videos featuring musicians with their music, set in situations oh god THE WUmn lol..continue... to put one more peroid, and maybe end on a word that makes sense to end on. Anyway, once upon a time, the cargo went to france and ate up all the cheescake that was left in an ally near the hilarious riots that...everyone was participating in, even Chuck Norris, but then an evil laughter came from a man during his burping, this made chuck norris to...rich for money and his strainge ears made that very clear. So he decided to...eat his own foot...while blowing off peoples head with a...Jellyfish. While people were running for cover from jellyfish giblets, mad jonsey was taking a stroll in...something. While Mad Jonsey was taking a stroll is somthing land, Rugals began to come out of trees and throw waterballons at mice. Then a giant raidioactive mouse stepped on them. Just then a girl named Joe decided to...eat Rugals foot and she had an...apple that was full of maggots. It was delicious. Meanwhile, on a distant shore, there was a man, dressed in white, with a midget as a pet. The midget hated to be his pet and ran off to find a better future in the land of...better future for midgit lands. In this land he became a pet. He was very happy. Meanwhile, in some other place that has no particular reason to be in this story, the people where smacking the goats when...A man wearing a paper suit approached a group of villagers on the edge of town with the intention of...writing a letter to the editor about the terrible story writing, grammar and spelling this story cointained and how he felt tread on and disgraced. The man loaded a clip into his AK-47 and started unloading lead into village children skating swiftly upon the town centers annual ice rink. The cold got to him, and his fingers began to tremble. He dropped his AK-47, undid his zipper and...went to Disney Land! Yeah Disney Land! Where he...had a go on all the rides, with no regret for missing the ones that were borken! he then...set his paper suit on fire, which kind of looked like the man on the cover of Fahrenheit 451. During the long length of time in which it took the fire dept. to come, ...Chubby, who was lost several pages back, began to wave at the burned corpse, which made chubby think..."is this the end?" But no it wasn't because...the USSR havent nuked it. However...Chubby, the chubbtoadTM has managed to use his one eye as a weapon of mass DISTRACTION! This coupled with the fact that the I.Q. of our readership leads our hero to beleive...that we have a collective I.Q of a lemon...meanwhile a completley different lemon was rolling down a hill in the city of...Atlantida and then a big snowball came and squashed it which it then after started playing with midgets at the beach. Then the midgets were killed by a little kitty which said: ''OMG I PWN YU ALL, n00bs! Then he called the HVA and told them to nuke Atlantida with 5000 beer-bottles. Tor was watching everything in the sky and then he decided to make the kitty nicer by tampering its brains. Then some dog came and accidentaly got in the way of the 5000 beer-bottles and saved Atlantida from drunkards but unfortunately after being hitted by so many beer-bottles he got so angry that he decided to eat himself and..go to the pond to hunt some duck feeding old ladies that...have machineguns with them..and the machineguns fired yellow and green oranges. But while they were doing that sniper...was having a cup of tea by the riverside with his good buddy Commando. Commando brought up the incident that happened a few pages back, in which this story said the most unfunny sentence in the history of the world concerning midgets at a beach and a few snowballs. Not just any unfunny, THE unfunny. "I really wish this story could be a bit more interesting", said Sniper. "Well, thats easy to do" started Commando "as we can simply fuck..." But during the happiness and merriment, a sort of evil lurked in the shadows. Within a few seconds of Sniper noticing it, it...came and stole his cup of tea, and ran off giggling, it was the infamous tea banit...he ran off to steal tea from...the local wasteplant.

A disgruntled Slidje with a taste for human flesh and the power to consume souls. The intelligent beings became angered by the disgruntled Slidje and had started an uprising to repel him from the worlds. Unfortunatly the intelligent beings were not strong enough to resist Slidjes sexual assualts and they all succumbed to gangrene in their anuses. And then, teletubbys came. CkDead smashed their cocks and went on to...Paris for major fapolation. In the mean time he had set his coffee grind to start automatically at the break of dawn, so that he could have a fresh cup of java, when he committed the...Patriot act, since he worked as a freelancer for the CIA.Then he...stumbled upon a broken cup of tea. The tea was no longer in it, but he assumed it had to be a tea-cup. He gathered some glue and started repairing the cup. On the backside of the cup was an acient inscription. It said : "FFS YOU ING THIEF ! GIVE ME BACK MY TEA CUP - love Sniper.

Ckdead put his pants back on and made his way back to the SvenCo-op HQ to return the repaired cup to Sniper. There he found Sniper laying on a table with Commando sitting on his face. Ckdead asked..."So, does sniper still need facial compression for his anger issue?" Commando gets up and so Sniper, Commando, and CkDead went to the store to buy more tea, baking soda, and lighter fluid, so they could...snort the powder while drinking tea, setting fire to random people pants and have kinky anal sex at the same time...(they can multitask well aye?) While this happened, Hezus accidentally walked in to the Svencoop HQ, saw them, and immediately decided to take a vacation. He opened IRC, signed on to gamesurge, and joined #mapping, requesting advice on what he could do during his time off from the Svencoop servers. Sadly, before hydeph or JPolito could say or do anything that was completely hilarious, Wolf-Kain and Turrican had already gotten to him, and were introducing him to all sorts of furry porn. Hezus was ruined forever, and he is probably currently in a tiny dark room in the warm glow of his monitor looking at all sorts of different furries, specifically hedgehogs.

A few days after this incident, ...the jpolito research facility started getting invaded by mysterious lifeforms, known only as xen, although not from the borderworld like they knew, this new land was known as the Boderworld, where a huge monster known as Richard Boderman Resided. 2 days on jpolito and his group of crack svencoop players attacked the Boderworld finally destroying Boderman forever, freeing the xen lifeforms once again.

Unfortunatly...JPolito destroyed most of his Research Facility with explosives and melted down it's nuclear reactor when he thought that Boderman had finally beaten him.

But even though the warriors had defeated Boderman, they didn't know that...click

Rotating bedsheets? Yes, this week on Home and Garden Television Canada we will be featuring amazingly descriptive and randomly pimpin' author Douglas Adams! So in a the milkyway galaxy, in a far away and dark corner there is a solar system called...Urgel's paradise, which is full of...Chubbies !

They were traveling in groups through the Desert of the Dead Fetuses, to the holy lands of Chubbism. There they had to meet their contact person who was a...fetish for dead fetusus on toast, this contact had special information for them...that Sven had been captured by...George Bushes SS elite guard and...hydeph was right about Jpolito, and they fought gangsta style with two tech-9s. After a long furious battle, hydeph won, only to die later from the numerous bites he recieved from Jpolito. Beyond the horizon most of the people noticed that... Infact this story, has become boring so boring that...i had to go eat a ferret. Then the story continues with the dramatic vietnam play and...Emo people running around stage singing Papa Roach songs. Just then, some guy that liked to dance nekked...but the naked man had nothing to do with the tunnels under Luxemburg where Ninja, Ninja, Ninja and Ninja appeared by there teleportation device. Pvt .T., the midget, got a funny reading in his oh-so-great-teleportation-detection-device and decided to say to Bowser: "hello i am very cold and im covered in yellow and green...cat mucous..., because of this i am so sad that ill go emo. Thank You!" so he went emo and ate bowser, because of that he...was a cannibal. He lived in a tribe in central Africa, and he remembered a funny story back in the days he was still living with his tribe in the jungle. He started telling the story :

We were in the jungle with my tribe of cannibals and suddenly...a jungle appeared in the jungle and i was like...a jungle is a jungles jungle. Pretty jungly.

Just then, everyone in the story, especially Pvt. T, spontiously combusted. They burst into flames and fall to the ground. Then, their ashes got stolen by a midgit who ran down the street with them. Thus, a new character was created. His name was Mr. Noodles. Mr. Noodles decided to go to starbucks. He order a moka. But, it had rat poision in it! So, Mr. Noodles was rushed to the hosptial. His head exploded. Now we go back to Chubby, who is now "Chubby the angel thingy"(tm). Chubby the angel thingy was walking down the street one day shootin laz0rs at fishes (like he normally does)...Suddenly he saw a sign that said "Free entmod". So chubby got himself a free entmod but he got so addicted that he failed college and...enlisted in the entmod academemy. Here, he became the top entmodder in the world. But then, he got deleted by a n00b. In some other part of the world, some guy with a talking beard decided to...find out what Ninja, Ninja, Ninja and Ninja were doing on earth. He ordered cookies and went to the carneval so he could visit the toilet but unfortunately it was working. He decided then to just play with Bowser and so he went to Oklahoma and found Tor in the same ship. Then Pvt T suddenly appeared out of nowhere and decided to ally with the ninjas so they could teach him how to become the only Dwarf Ninja on the planet. During that moment at the HVA it exploded. Suddenly, Bowser woundered how the ninjas got back magicly. Nontheless, he went up to Pvt. T and told him to be a little more funny. Then, the Ninjas gang raped him and left him for dead in the desert. But Dave the Friendly Lizard came to the rescue! He took out his m4 carabine and blew the hell out of the car. Then, he used his ultra h4x0r MMORPG POWUHS to revive bowser to 600 hp. Pvt .T. got very angry now.. So he decided to go home and start playing Sven Co-op. Meanwhile now that Dave the Friendly Lizard was taking Bowser away from the hot desert, they noticed something interesting near the horizon...It was a giant banana combined with a combuter, therefore a bananacomputer! Mr. Bannanacomputer ate himself. He was tasty. Then, Donald Trump said turdmonkey. Those were actually his last words, because at that time the Ninja's appeared and spread their raping havoc across the whole Hollywood Studio's leaving famous people like Matt Damon and George Lucas with large gaping and bleeding holes where their anus used to be.

Ofcourse that was politically unjust, so.. matt damon decided to say "Matt Damon!" and go eat the remains of george lucas before he infliced another hideous star wars remake upon the world...George Lucas stabbed his way out of the Onos and grabbed a lightsaber and destroyed the alien hive...which promply exploded in a shower of green goo..splattering all the pople on the wall... At this point, Mad Jonsey, Sniper, Commando, and Sven Viking all were requested to attend a personal screening by ValvE, and to pick up the new SDK in Seattle. Once the horror set in, about all the re-coding that had to be done for Svencoop 2...their heads exploded. Then, David Hasselhoff went to the movies...to see space monkeys 3 (the return of the ape) when he thought...of becoming a space monkey and after watching that great movie: ''I shall become a space monkey too!'' To become a space monkey, he..took off all his clothes and ate a bannana. mmmmm. After he did that he went of to consolt 60megabitefile to make sure that he...was still teh lifegaurd. He was. So he did a funny dance. Then he played svan ko-op, a koopratve modeifecation for the great game half-a-life. He got h4x3d. Then he cried. Then he at another bannana. He then moved on to the world of BF2, where 13-year-olds rule the skies with imba helicopers and kamikazii jetplanes and...blind jeep drivers...and crazy bmrf ospreys. So he got on the osprey and flew to the skies, hoping that he will never see a banana again. But suddenly a 13-year-old flying dutchman carrying a 100.000 mm caliber machinegun shot the osprey. Althought the kid was ripped off by the powerfull weapon powerly power of 100.000 mm caliber bullets, the osprey got ripped off too. And when falling to the ground david thought, this is it, I'm dead. But a 40 dimentional jelly teleportation portal opened and he was transported to...the middle of Japan, where a tentacle monster moved in for an assault of the sexual variety. He quickly ran into the nearest building, narrowly escaping the horrors offered by those endless green appendages. Suddenly he was knocked to the floor by 6 naked japanese man, while a 7th stood in front stroking his massive...

End of part 8- Move on.


	9. Part 9

Part 9!

nubile garg...who was pink...and yelllow but FLUFFY and he...shoved a pipe up his...nose then he said "how did i get this up here." while wondering...about it, he joined up with the other naked men and did the chiken dance of doom. It's another variety of chicken dance, this time you have to hold one egg in each hand with just one finger, jumping with the head, over a fence, with an horde of headcrabbed zombies in a pit, up in a hill. So then david used his mind reding powers and discovered that this men were planing on taking over the world with their horde of zombies. So he cut the fence a bit and they fell to the pit, rolling down the hill, then they were raped and stabbed by the zombies, and transformed to headcrabbed zombies to join the horde. But then someone appeared. He was theSeRvErgUy and with his ultra server powers, he wrote in the console "changelevel...and exec slowhackme.cfg...and so everyone, David, the naked zombie men and the horde of headcrabs and zombies suddenly appear in...a broadway musical entitled: "Naked Zombies: The Musical"...and it got a hideous review..and back in the stoneage where caveman Bob decided that fire was a very bad thing...thus he destroyed all fires, and traveled in time to see that there will never be fire ever again. The reason being he cooked his own knob accidently...which saddened him greatly..thus he decided to stop fire being invented but the problem was that he was the one who invented fire. To escape this he comitted suicide, thus fire was never invented. now we go straigt to Afrika to watch the stupid monkeys...do little dances with Mushrooms and Bunnies ! Till some scientists came along and confiscated their Britney Spears CD. Now they couldn't do funny happy dances anymore, so they...decided to go to black mesa and kick these scientist asses ! thats why black mesa incident ever happened in first place. Just then, angry teletubbies with chainsaws joined the angry monkies. But then, everyone exploded for no reason. Now we go onto an entmod server. Just then in the entmod server...Ls cat appered and hacked the server to remove entmod and started the map osprey. after doing this he...managed to crash the game, and everybody playing either resumed their life outside of computer games, or commited suicide, because they had no life other than sven co-op. This caused a world-wide razor blade shortage, which lead to...people commiting suicide by swallowing frisbees which lead to a worldwide frisbee shortage which lead to...a shortage of doomsday devices, because of this people decided to...make a new season of Baywatch with the origional cast ! Everyone was so happy about this that moviemakers picked up 80's series like The A-Team and Knightrider again, and everyone was buying Hasselhof T-shirts. But the t-shirts were fugly, and caused chaffing and 80's style hair-cuts! Meanwhile, in the land of the netherworld, some guy with a pitchfork was contemplating...wether or not to invest in this new Hasselhoff rush. He decided to put his face on several diffrent things, like coffee-cops and soul-pacts. Especially the soul-pacts sold well (he managed to find an image of a NAKID Hasselhoff), and he soon died from overeating. The sudden lack of a devil resulted in...a hostile takeover of the world by 13 year old snotnose counterstrike kids ! The SvenCo-opers were forced to live in slavery and polish their guns. Many old regulars were killed.

Untill one day the SvenCo-op uprising began to overtrow and KILL ALL THOSE FREAKING COUNTERSTRIKE KIDS ! The SvenCo-opers (co-op-ed by Tor and Chubby) slaughtered massive loads of the little snotnoses and even though they were screaming "hx! u lm3x00rz!" they all died in cold blood. Victory was with the SvenCo-op Rebels ! They marched to the CS-Kiddy HQ and kicked in the door. There they...betrayed the Sven Co-op loyalty and gave themselves over...and joined the Elite Council of Counter-Strikers. Together they joined powers with Lord Sauron and forged the one AWP to rule them all. They tyrranised the world which resulted in a large increase of suicides throughout the world. This lead to a shortage of socks which was the sharpest thing people were allowed to buy and could afford. This lead to...people buying more beegees albums and playing them on perpetual loops so their brains would melt out their ears. The admin teleported slippery into a dark room. With the admin's new ultr L33T /\/e\/\/ rdi0 /\/\0D, he spawned 20 radios and all of them played christmas carols. He started crying, and then all the radios exploded, causing everyone in the counter strike community to die. So now, we go back to the ruling sven co-op mod. And their new leader...Adolf Hitler...who commited suicide in 1945, but still was very good at HL Coding. He teamed up with Sniper to code all HL2 features into Svenco-op 3.5 and the world was rocked. SvenCo-op became the best seller of the century and got 99 in PC Gamer Reviews. All team members became millionaires because of the high sales and..they didn't have to work on anything ever again. Developement of SC was halted and this created a world-wide depression which lead to shortage of electrified sledge hammers which had recently become a very popular and stylish suicide weapon. Some people decided to take up the fight and demanded that production of Svencoop should be restarted. The leader of the revolution was the recently deposed Lord Sauron. This new leader died in the battle of Morh4xdor where the one AWP to rule them all was taken by a traitor. Richard Boderman, who then killed himself when he couldn't control the damage the AWP did. 1349876 years later. His sucesor of the Sven co-op leadership throne, who was...Adolf Hitler...who coded in secret swastikas in the art of svencoop2...but decided not to show them in the end and hid them...but some snotty nosed no life h4x0r found it and released a pach wich allowd all the little kiddies to see swastikas...and then their mommies all had a cry to the government...whop went and banned adolf from life...and so we sven players were once again deprived of a leader and sven2, then god said "I must bring more nazi-germany related things to this story!" and that he did. Right at that moment "SS-Pz.Aufkl.Abt.11 'Nordland'" spawned infront the Sven coop HQ awaiting orders...and they were ordered to commit suicide.

And with that mass suicide ended the age of Nazi's in the SvenCo-op and Chubby World, never to rear it's ugly head again. Now everyone was happy again... well.. almost.. they first had to kill all tree-hugging hippies. So they went out to the woods were normally the hippies would look for berries to eat and..pot to smoke. But after they found the pot they found a little squrrill that told them to...go screw themselves, cause this was his 'hood! So they decided to...wear fursuits. This decision was not endorsed by the majority, until Jesus fell out of the sky and said "Sounds hot". Jesus' agreement with this radical fursuit idea sparked a revolution in the way...of communism...which caused Adolf Hitler to raise from his grave, and post some of his artwork on Ebay (not kiddin, it's there). The unfortunete buyer soon found that the art was hexed. When he unpacked the art, it...was communism...badly disguised as modern art. But the buyer realised he now had pure communism, painted by Hitler onto canvas, and that he could...trade it in for as many magic beans as he could stick...up his...Stallin of furry communism...Witch is a word i dont know. But...caveman Bob...decided to...suck...on a big yellow lollipop. And so he did. Untill...hezus put his hand into a big bowl of sugar. He then...died...As we would all do if we put a hand down this bowl of sugar. Because this sugar was poisoned! This sugar was refined from a candy facility in the northern parts of the moon, where small yellow bite-sized cheese cakes planned to take over the world. And therefore, they...had to kill Hezus. He was the last thing standing between them and ruling the world. Now a new age started on planet Earth that would be the 4th Reich for another 1000 years. In the future history books would be refer to this as "The Ages of Cheese".

But then...communism...appeared out of a myserious black hole, and convinced everyone that we all are equal humans. Now, for a bite-sized piece of cheesecake who wants to obliterate humanity, being called a human is a bad thing. So, to destroy humanity, every cheesecake killed themselves. Now that the earth was bare (unless you count all the cheese)...and void...except for the great mounds of female pubic hair that flowered promiscuously in the light and breezy summer wind. Just then a roflcopter went flying overhead...and exploded...forming the word "LOL" to appear in the sky, killing everyone who...died...when they said...stuff...about Nomble, who...said...stuff...about...dicks, and their relative size compared to his own. He foud that mosts other penises...died...from not being a Nomble Dick (TM).

This would lead to more and more men becomming females, which would lead to more and more hair floating arround in the wind. This caused the general suddenly appeared population to...go buy Dan Brown novels..in order to...read the novels...or to use as toilet paper. This action made the whole Toilet Seat Community cry out in protest, as this was certainly an act of hate and vengence agenst all toilet seats. And so the great Toilet Rebellion began. This lead to...the great do it yourself wars which lastest years or possibly minutes...of dancing and yodeling music. Then wading around in sweage while brandishing a toilet brush. That make people have a case of. while on the slide sniper found...communism...and...fascism...or else...everyone would die in a large fireball. But that never happend and so Chubby lived happy after after in the bright sunny Chubbyland to eat little flies for the rest of eternity.

The End.


	10. Part 10

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End file.
